Fading In & Out
by AmakiirDragon
Summary: Commander Jeanette Shepard has been haunted by memories before. The death of her family and friends are the worst memories but after being revived from the dead her flashbacks hit her more often than before. Sometimes she can't tell the difference between the past and present and it all blends together. Can she keep it straight to save the galaxy?
1. Let's Try That Again

**Chapter 1**

_Fire was everywhere, consuming the ship at a rapid pace. At least half the ship was mere ruins now, floating through space as a larger ship loomed over the wreckage engulfing the Normandy in an intimidating shadow from the nearby sun. How the ship was still functional after being torn in half was unknown as only a scant number of consoles worked and ripped wires sparked. Life support was none existent on the CIC and a gaping hole in the side gave a clear view of the larger vessel. A defeated sigh escaped the pilot's lips as he glanced around the burning cockpit as he realized he could do nothing to save the Normandy. A strong hand grabbed his arm as another explosion shook the ship violently. In a bruising grip, the hand yanked him up and out of his seat._

_"Hey! Watch the arm!" the pilot whined, the grip impressively strong for such a small and delicate size._

_"If you keep complaining, Joker, I'll let you get spaced" the Commander growled menacingly through her dark visor, it was clear she wasn't in the mood "Now go!"_

_"Okay, okay!" he stumbled to the last escape pod just as the ship was fired upon again, the advanced weaponry tearing through the ship and shaking it ferociously. His head collided with the far wall of the pod as he stumbled forward. He groaned in pain as he turned around to see his commanding officer next to the emergency launch button, she had been thrown back from the last hit, losing her footing in zero gravity. She barely had a hold on the wall as the ship continued to shake. She gave him one final look though her eyes were hidden under her helmet before slamming her fist against the button, having the door close between them. He jumped to the door and banged on it furiously, his eyes wide in horror._

_"Commander! Shepard!" the woman barley heard his muffled cry as she watched the pod launch away. She watched as her only escape flew away as one final explosion impacted against the remnants of the ship and the Commander found herself floating through space, too far to latch onto anything. She watched in dread as the bits and pieces of her ship started falling toward an unknown planet. She could only hope her crew, her friends, had all made it safely to the pods. She glanced around and saw several of the pods flying away from her, away from the enemy vessel that was now heading back to where ever it had come from._

_She almost choked on a sob of grief at the thought of her friends' possible fate but realized she couldn't even breathe. She faintly heard a hissing sound and reached around to find her air pipe on her suit was ripped. She kicked and turned as she tried to reach for the rupture, to breathe but nothing came, she felt like she was drowning on nothing. Her lungs burned but her body felt like it was freezing as it was exposed to the vacuum of space. She stopped struggling knowing she was only making it worse, knowing that it was over when her body grew weak. Doesn't the hero always die? She took one last glance around and noticed the sun gleaming behind the icy blue planet she was falling toward. It was beautiful, an orange glow surrounding the planet, a picture worth a thousand words. If she was to die at least this would be the last thing she saw. Her vision soon blurred until she saw nothing but darkness._

_"Shepard"_

Sea blue eyes slowly opened and the sight of complete darkness left to be replaced by a view of stars. Shaking her head lightly, Jeanette Shepard slowly rose from her seat in the Starboard Observatory. She slowly walked up to the window she'd been sitting in front of for a good hour or two and leaned her forehead against the cool, thick glass as she gazed out at the infinite stars and asteroids as her body shook off the feeling of dying. She took a few deep breaths, relieved when air made it to her lungs with ease.

_"Shepard?"_

"I heard you the first time, Ms. Lawson. What's our ETA?"

_"We'll be on Omega in thirty minutes"_

"Good. Make sure you and Mr. Taylor are suited and ready to depart when we get there, we need to find the Professor and Archangel"

_"Yes ma'am"_ was the last reply before the intercom went quiet. Ms. Lawson was… well, Shepard still wasn't sure how she would describe the Cerberus operative besides what she had told the woman when they first met, and that was "a bitch on the lease of an irritating owner, an owner who needed a few good shots to the crotch." Miranda Lawson, for her part, seemed to have expected such a reaction and promptly ignored it. Shepard had to give her credit for that, most people snap back and a fight was probably the last thing she needed on her ship.

_Cerberus... how the Hell did I get here?_ Jeanette wondered, though she already knew the answer. She was dead and they brought her back. The universe sure seemed to have a bad sense of humor.

Shepard ran a hand through her short, messy blond hair as she stepped away from the window. She grabbed the handful of datapads from the couch before heading to the elevator to get to the Combat Information Center. The woman rocked back and forth on her feet as the elevator started its ascent and she couldn't help but note that after two years the elevators still moved at a pathetically slow pace. At least the ship wasn't equipped with elevator music or news feeds and what was better was no awkward elevator talks at the moment. She never liked being stuck in an elevator for long periods of time with others. Someone always felt like they had to break the silence but the conversation always took a nose dive. The elevator eventually reached the CIC and sounded a small ping before the doors slid open and the Commander stepped out.

Everyone was busy at their stations and weren't wrapped up in idle chitchat. It was the only thing Shepard gave them credit for as she eyed the insignia on their uniforms. That one little golden symbol brought about a small anger but she pushed it down. She had to work with these people for the time being and if she didn't get past the crew's allegiance to Cerberus the mission might turn sour before they even made any progress.

Jeanette rubbed her temples before remembering why she was there. She hadn't gotten time to chat with Joker yet, only being on the new Normandy for a few hours, and wanted to see how he was adjusting. She could only hope he was settling in better than she was. After all, how many people wake up two years later only to realize everything's different? Jeanette sure as Hell didn't know anyone else but herself so the pilot was probably handling things better. She sneaked around the long way to politely avoid Ms. Chambers as she wasn't in the mood for a psych exam. She was fine... or she hoped she was, after all this wasn't the first time the entire galaxy rested on her shoulders. It was, however, the first time she had absolutely no idea how she got into such a situation. Usually she knew exactly what she was getting into and it was by her choice that she was there but this wasn't her choice, not really.

"Hey, Commander!" the cheerful pilot swiveled his seat around "Decided to finally visit, huh?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were doing okay, Joker. I'm assuming everything's going well up here?"

"I'm doing great! Got my wings back... with _leather_ seating" the man practically squealed in joy while his hands rubbed the armrests enthusiastically.

"_The design of the SR-2 was not to be an exact replica of the original Normandy. Seamless improvements have been made" _a blue orb, the artificial intelligence EDI, appeared on a nearby display making its presence known.

"I just wish the walls didn't have eyes and ears, I don't like it when my ship talks back" he whispered as though the artificial intelligence wouldn't be able to hear him, but he only received a blank expression in return from the woman before him "You okay? You look a little... zoned out"

_"You sure you're okay, Jean?" a man with slick black hair asked carefully "You took quiet the beating down there"_

_"You know me, Kaidan. I got a hard head" Jeannette joked as she patted her head firmly to confirm it. She almost jumped back when the Lieutenant grabbed her wrist and pulled it forward to examine. Gentle fingers held the arm still and his eyes widened just a tad. He turned it back around to show her blood was dripping from a deep cut on her arm._

_"You're bleeding"_

"Maybe you should see Dr. Chakwas about that, Commander"

"Huh?" Shepard blinked, her blue eyes readjusting on the pilot as the image of the other man vanished into thin air.

"The blood" the pilot nervously raised an eyebrow "You know, that's pouring like a waterfall from your nose"

Shepard raised her hand to her nose feeling a warm liquid touch her fingertips. She pulled it back to see that she had indeed been bleeding. She gave a low curse before pulling a cloth from her pocket and wiped the blood away hastily then held it to her nose until she was satisfied the blood had stopped running. She took a quick glance at her forearm... no scar. When she was done Joker was giving her a worried look, his brows knitted together and the corners of his mouth pulling downward "I'm fine, Joker. Lawson warned me this might happen"

"When you have flashbacks, right?"

"Yeah" When Shepard had boarded the escape shuttle with the two Cerberus operatives the brunette had immediately started questioning her, checking if her memory was intact. She had warned that they had just finished placing the last of Jeanette's memory in her new body when the mechs attacked. Stringing her memories back in her head was a slow process in order to make sure nothing went wrong. However, the attack had occurred during the final sequence of the "download" and Shepard had been yanked early from the machine. There was a small chance that some of the memories would stay hidden in her subconscious and would pop up at random times before settling in their proper place. This apparently would cause her nose bleeds... Shepard was a little sketchy as to why though as the Cerberus agent gave no clear explanation. She had most of her memory intact but there were just a few stray fragments that came and went, most of them short or unimportant. However, some of her other memories, ones she hadn't forgotten came up even more than the smaller ones.

"Still think you need to get that checked out"

"I'm telling you I'm fine. I'll talk to you later" The conversation ended as quickly as it had begun and Jeanette then turned to depart for the armory. She was unaware of the sad, worried expression that followed her until the doors closed shut behind her. The pilot deflated as he rubbed his hand over his eyes knowing she wouldn't listen to him.

"Hope so, Jean" Joker turned back to his console "Hope so"

"_Would you like me to convey your feelings to the Commander, Mr. Moreau? Or perhaps Ms. Chambers, she is here to help with mental health and concerns any crewmembers have"_

"Oh, God no!" Joker was worried about Jeanette but he didn't have a death wish. Commander Shepard did _not_ like people questioning her mental health thanks to the Council's constant skepticism. Also, he wasn't sure how he felt about the Yeomen. She seemed sweet but he had the distinct feeling she would probe for anything and then immediately report to the Illusive Man, Cerberus' leader. The pilot put his feelings aside as he continued on course and got clearance to dock once they reached the large space station of Omega.

Commander Shepard and the two Cerberus operatives didn't even make it ten feet past docking before being stopped by a grey skinned salarian who was easily scared away by a peeved batarian. The batarian carried a rifle in his arms, probably to intimidate others but one lone gunman was not going to stop the Commander. He demanded they see an asari named Aria before they decided to cause any trouble, which he also advised against while casually checking his scope. He didn't seem to like the human woman's response of "I'll go when I want." Shepard didn't care what he thought, but left to see the Queen of Omega anyway, she probably had the information she needed on her two possible recruits.

Omega was a dump and that was putting it mildly. Jeanette smelled sweat, blood, and sex all over the place. The air was stuffy and crowds of people shoved each other aside without so much as an apology. Everywhere you turned there was a glowing sign for this or that though some of the letters had gone out. Cars flew by overhead at fast speeds and if any one of them collided it was sure to turn into a train wreck with a lot of dead bodies in the end. Besides the poor lighting and smell the place was just dirty, oil and dried blood stained the ground along with a few other stains. With the way this place worked it was almost impossible to get past people until they noticed the rocket launcher strapped to the Commander's back.

The three humans entered the loud, flashing dance club of Afterlife as they went in search of Aria. It didn't seem that much different from the rest of Omega except for the dancers and loud music. Shepard couldn't help but think the music was obnoxious, and that was putting it mildly. She could hear the synthesized beats from outside the large doors but as soon as they had opened her ears had been assaulted by the loud beating sound of what seemed to pass as music these days. It sounded more like someone was trying to beat the sound system to death because from what Jeanette could tell there was absolutely no rhythm, just noise. _Really, who listened to this crap? Did two years make everyone deaf or did they always have bad taste? _Jeanette couldn't help but wonder. She was fairly sure that if they stayed too long she would either lose her hearing or just leave with a killer headache, most likely both so it would be prudent to make this meeting quick.

The group climbed a short staircase as they came across a couple of bodyguards. The bodyguards watched them like a pair of hawks as they neared a lone, purple skinned asari relaxing on a couch. She seemed oblivious to their arrival as she watched scantily clad asari dancers weaving their bodies around nearby poles. Shepard continued forward as her companions remained a respectable distance back but she was immediately halted by another batarian, his four eyes locked on his omni-tool as it activated. A small skeletal figure appeared over the glowing orange tech and as he tried to wave it over her body to scan, Shepard grabbed his arm and twisted the limb behind the alien's back making him grunt in surprise as well as a little pain and when he struggled the Commander only tightened her grip.

"Try it and you'll be scanning the inside of your colon" she growled menacingly as guns began to point at each other. Shepard was in uncharted territory and was not about to be subjected to anything that seemed the slightest bit suspicious. The asari only laughed at her disgruntled guard's predicament before calming and turning a steely gaze toward Shepard. Her face commanded attention and the Commander knew that the woman before her was one to take things seriously.

"Sorry, but you wanna talk? You have to get scanned first"

"If you're checking for weapons you're doing a poor job. In case your guards hadn't noticed there's kind of a rocket launcher strapped to my back" Shepard released the man and stood still for the scan "But we'll play by your rules, only because I don't feel like pissing off an entire station that I'm sure would space me free of charge" she received a short chuckle from the Queen. Once the guard cleared the human Aria motioned for her to sit on the couch. The Commander sat at a respectable distance but close enough to hear past the booming music.

"What can I do for the great human Spectre? Don't look so surprised, you're not as subtle as you think Shepard. We had you tagged as soon as your ship entered the Terminus system. I must say I am a little curious as to why a dead woman came to Omega of all places"

"I need info, thought you might have some seeing as you run this place"

"Ha, I don't run Omega. I am Omega and here we only have one rule: Don't fuck with Aria"

"Short and sweet. I love it when things are straightforward. But I'm looking for a salarian genius, Mordin Solus, and a man known as Archangel"

"Why?" the asari seemed genuinely curious as well as suspicious.

"Suicide mission" Shepard shrugged nonchalantly as though such a thing was common "What else would I be here for?"

"Well, if you were anyone else I'd say you were after the bounty on Archangel's head"

"Bounty? Do I even want to know?" Jeanette leaned forward to make sure she could hear the asari.

"He just pissed off three merc groups at the same time and now they're all working together to kill him. Some vigilante that makes life on Omega difficult. Had a squad. Heard they're dead now. Wouldn't even see the groups in one place unless they were gunning each other down. If you want him alive though you should act quick, he's been cornered. There's a Blue Suns recruiter downstairs. As for the salarian, yeah I know him. Kinda like him, he's as likely to help you as he is to shoot you" the asari gave a frown before continuing "There's a plague, only affects non-humans, he's working on a cure. You'll find him near the apartments, lower level in the quarantine zone and good luck getting in. And please, don't bring the plague back with you"

Shepard gave a quick nod in thanks before standing and turning on her heel to leave "One more thing, Shepard. I wouldn't let the good doctor start talking if I were you, once he starts he never shuts up" Shepard motioned for the others to follow her toward the recruiter and they fell in line behind her. If they didn't get Archangel now he'd end up dead, thus making him useless to her cause and her first priority.

Unfortunately, Omega wasn't known for its manners as the recruiter gave the Commander one glance, whistled, and pointed to where the strippers worked. Shepard really hated this place and it was time they knew better than to mess with her. She pulled out her sidearm, flashing it before the recruiter "Show me yours tough guy, bet mines bigger" another whistle and the man signed them up for the job. He gave some sketchy details about the man they were dealing with before telling them where they could catch a ride. Just when Shepard thought things couldn't get any _better_ a kid, no older than nineteen, walked in asking to join. She gave a frustrated sigh as she caught a glimpse of the poorly kept pistol in his hand. She suspected it wouldn't even shoot half a clip before jamming. Kid probably got it at a rummage sale. Another frustrated sigh and she found herself in front of the man.

"How old are you kid?" she eyed him intently, arms crossed over her chest.

"Old enough!" the boy practically whined. Both Shepard and the recruiter raised an unimpressed eyebrow "Hey! I know how to use a gun!"

"So does Archangel" Jacob spoke up behind the Commander but the kid just seemed to ignore him, aiming his annoyance purely at Shepard.

"I spent a lot of creds on this baby and I plan on using it. Hey!" the boy shouted as Shepard disarmed him in the blink of an eye. She gave it a couple of smacks before sparks started flying from its joints followed by the sound of metal jamming together.

"Get your money back. You'll thank me later" and with that she left for the transit station to find her first recruit. Assuming he still lived anyway. If he was dead she was going to take her frustration out on the first person she came across because no one wasted the Commander's time, not even the Illusive Man.


	2. Pain in the Ass but Still my Friend

**Chapter 2**

Gun shots went off. The mercs had started firing at Archangel who was on the second landing. Jeanette had immediately taken cover and waited for the sniper to go off. She used the small amount of time she knew it took to reload what she assumed was a Mantis to fire in the back of one of the mercenaries. She hoped that if Archangel saw it he would know she was on his side. A shot whizzed past her head from the barrel of the sniper but it was only a concussive round. The mercs who hadn't seen her shoot the man in the back believed that she was still on their side when the round had hit her shields. It was a smart move to trick the mercs but also a little reckless if Archangel did realize she was there to help. She'd form a complaint later when they were out of this Hell hole.

Shepard and her team were able to shoot a couple more mercs in the back before the thugs wised up and returned fire. Shepard maneuvered around some mercs, leaving them to the biotcs as she made her way upstairs. She needed to secure Archangel's position fast because she had seen some mercenaries had already made it to the door, most likely trying to hack it. She had to stop them before they succeeded otherwise they might catch the man while his back was turned.

Shepard took cover behind a pillar and activated her tactical cloak before she rounded the corner taking the few seconds she had to aim her sidearm at the mercenary. Head shot and he was down for the count. She stalked up to the door readying her omni-tool to unlock it at the end of the corridor only for it to unlock on its own. Suspicious, she kept her sidearm poised as she hit the panel to open the door. As shots continued to be fired below her she poked her head around the doorway.

_As Shepard entered the Medical Clinic she heard the whimpering of a frightened woman. She saw four men behind the counter, one of them with his arms around the doctor with a gun to her head. He was threatening her not to spill a word about what she knew. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a turian ducked behind a corner, attempting to hide from the thugs. It was the C-Sec officer from earlier, Garrus Vakarian. The men soon spotted Shepard and the man switched his gun from the doctor and aimed it at her, providing a distraction for the officer. He rounded the corner and took one shot._

The merc fell to the ground a second later. Archangel fired one more shot, killing another mercenary with ease. Shepard noticed the gunshots had ceased meaning the mercs were probably regrouping. Archangel eased from the ledge to turn to the Commander, cocking his head in what was most likely curiosity. Shepard faintly heard the footsteps of her comrades coming up the stairs as Archangel walked to the far wall to sit down before removing his helmet. He was a grey skinned turian, with bright blue clan markings and a smirk on his face, his mandibles twitching at the sight of the Spectre but his blue eyes held a touch of sadness Shepard couldn't recall being there before.

"Jean. Thought you were dead" the turian grinned.

"Garrus!" Shepard threw up her arms and smiled at her old friend. She remembered the Illusive Man had told her that her friend had just disappeared, that not even Cerberus could locate him. It must have been true because if they knew he was Archangel they probably would have told her. She remembered feeling sad when the Illusive Man told her that none of her old squad could be of any help but here he was before her. She felt a touch of relief wash over her "What are you doing here?"

The turian cranked his neck, probably to relieve any tension and knots he had gotten "The usual. A little target practice, pissing people off... unintentionally of course"

Shepard cocked her head crossing her arms over her chest "Uh-huh, _unintentionally_" her voice dripped with sarcasm though a smile played on her lips. The man only chuckled as he shook his head. Shepard's eyes narrowed for a moment as she took in the man. He looked tired, almost dead and she saw used stims lying on the floor. The room was also filled with the stench of death and that worried her.

The turian was too tired it ssemed to have noticed her staring as he talked "Thanks for the distraction"

_"That distraction was just what I needed"_

_"What the hell were you thinking?"_

"What?"

_"You could have killed the hostage!" Shepard growled, she had seen a lot of stupid things but this was an entirely different kind of stupid. Yes, the mercs were threatening an innocent but they had the woman in a hold. They only needed a second to pull that trigger and the woman would be lying dead in a pool of her own blood. The C-Sec officer had gotten lucky with that last shot._

Garrus looked at the Commander in surprise and confusion. He sat there as Jeanette's finger pointed accusingly at him, the woman's face filled with irritation. He stood before gently grabbing her small, armored hand and lowered it. He looked her in the eyes and didn't like what he saw. It was almost like she was looking through him but at him at the same time. Her eyes were dilated and turned unfocused. There was also the faint smell of blood coming from her but he couldn't see any wounds which only worried him more.

"Jean, there aren't any hostages" he replied calmly though he couldn't help but be confused. They were just talking and all of the sudden his friend started shouting at him. The words that left her mouth sounded so familiar but he couldn't place it. He knew something was wrong. He watched the woman blink a couple of times before her face turned to confusion with blood starting to drip from her nose. Soon the confusion turned into a scowl, brows furrowing in irritation. Garrus had no idea what was going on.

"Shepard has a few... issues" Garrus turned to a dark skinned man who looked a little nervous. He growled as soon as he saw the insignia. It was Cerberus, the pro-human group Shepard's team had chased over the Traverse a few times. He had seen firsthand what Cerberus could and would do to others and it was despicable. Something was definitely wrong with Jeanette if Cerberus was covering her back, she might have been on the end of one of their sick experiments.

"What did you do to her?" he accused the two humans because there was no way his Commander would ever work for them. He knew her and knew she despised Cerberus more than anything.

"Now listen here Officer Vakarian..." Miranda tried to say before being cut short by the Commander.

"I'm fine, Garrus" Shepard shook her head, making sure she was in the here and now. She wiped at her face to find a few droplets of blood before shaking the loose liquid from her hand "Now is not exactly the best time for this conversation"

Garrus gave her a stern look and watched as her eyes regained their focus and she pinned him down with her own stare. He conceded once he felt she was back to normal "_Right_, surrounded by mercs" he led her to the ledge and scoped the area with his sniper rifle, holding it firmly in his three talons "Looks like we got a couple of mechs, probably Eclipse" he handed her the sniper which she took and looked through the scope "Quite a few of them"

_"They're clueless" the turian muttered from their position on the cliff. Garrus and Jeanette laid flat on their stomachs as they peered through their scopes. Liara had lowered herself to the ground as well but having no training with a sniper rifle she hung back behind them ready to offer support with her biotics._

_"Well, they did think that blasted bomb would kill us" Shepard said as she watched the mercenaries roam around the valley, surrounding the Mako. If they got stains on it she was going to kill them a second time… correction, she was going to kill Garrus for leaving it unlocked. Because of him they had to practically climb a mountain to get to the other side only to find their vehicle hijacked by thugs. It was an unspoken rule that you didn't leave the Mako alone unlocked but apparently a certain turian didn't get the memo._

_The thug's leader thought he'd get his reputation back by taking out the first human Spectre. They should have read her profile better, she excelled at disarming bombs and rewriting a droid's friend or foe parameters. Shepard realized very few bad guys actually did any research about their opponents. It was kind of sad really but at least they made her job a Hell of a lot easier._

_"How many do you think there are?" Garrus carefully aimed his rifle, the sun reflecting off its polished surface._

Bang! "One less now" Shepard said as she eased back, returned the weapon and drew her own "You two, downstairs. Garrus and I will cover you from up here" she loaded her sniper as she lowered to cover. She turned to the turian as he lowered behind cover as well. She gave him a smirk as she flipped a switch to change to her disruptor ammo "Should we make it a contest?"

The turian chuckled "Loser buys lunch?" the two quickly shook on it as the first wave piled over the makeshift barricade.

LOKI mechs came over the barricade one by one and their slow pace made them an easy target. Miranda warped the armor plating of the mechs while Jacob used his biotics to lift them off the ground. Though the ones in the air made easier targets, Jeanette and Garrus aimed at the ones approaching the operatives to keep the fire off. Garrus would overload the mechs' systems while Jeanette aimed at a drone's head. If one shot didn't kill it her disruptor ammo stunned it. It wasn't long before the mechs fell and the mercenaries tried their hand at it. They didn't fare much better as they were sniped left and right. Garrus cursed when they sent out a heavy mech before he heard Shepard chuckle. He watched the mech turn around as soon as it was activated and attacked the mercs. Shepard had recalibrated the droid's friend or foe making the turian laugh as well as the mercs screamed and ducked behind cover. Once the bridge was cleared the four regrouped to the second level. They contemplated if it was safe enough to try their luck and make a run past the mercs before they heard a noise from below. It sounded like someone was trying to cut through a door with a blow torch.

"Let me guess, the mercs found the back door? You remembered to lock it this time, I hope?"

"I forget to lock the Mako once and you still won't leave it be"

"Mercs got stains all over my baby. You know how long I spent cleaning it? I don't even want to know what the yellow stain was" a look of disgust washed over the Commander's face as the mental image came back to her. Cleaning up that was a nightmare if ever she had one. It also smelled of booze.

"Well, for your information I did lock it but it won't keep them out forever. They had to use their brains eventually. They're like... What's the word?"

"Termites. Won't stop eating through the door till it's gone. Need me to take care of it?"

"It's so kind of you to ask"

"Taylor, stay here. Keep Garrus out of trouble, the man always seems to find some"

"You sure, Commander? It'll be nasty down there" an explosion sounded below and Jeanette shook her head to the side.

"I didn't come all this way for you to die while my back's turned" and with that she motioned for Miranda to head for the door.

"Hey, Jean!" she slowed at the door and gave a quick glance over her shoulder. The turian fluttered his mandibles into a familiar grin "Just like old times, right?"

_Old for you, just yesterday for me,_ Shepard thought as she gave a lazy half smile and a quick salute. The two women left quickly to the basement. Garrus turned around to face the remaining Cerberus operative and grabbed him by the collar, barely lifting him off the ground "If I find out you did anything to her the mercs will be the least of your problems"

The man didn't even flinch "Noted" Garrus gave him a critical eye as he dropped the man back on his feet. He resumed his position just as he heard explosions from below along with cursing mercs over the radio. Shepard acted quick, but then again, she was always first on the draw.

Garrus lowered back behind the wall and kept his eye on the bridge. So far no mercs had shown but it wouldn't last. Some more fools would try their luck. The dark skinned man stayed close to him with only short range weapons he wasn't in a very good spot but splitting up to go downstairs would only spell doom for him. When the mercenaries finally started over the bridge again the man used his biotics to pull them off the ground and closer to him making his weapons far more effective when they got close enough. Garrus was glad for the extra hand but he still just the man and he got the feeling Shepard wasn't pleased with her two companions either if her frown when she looked at them was any indication. Garrus couldn't worry about it now, he had to keep the bridge clear while the Commander took care of the shutters.

The first shutter was easy to close, the second one, not so much. Shepard knew she should've gone left first, why did she always choose the right path? The right was a pain in the ass. Vorchas regenerating, varren sneaking around corners, and bloody krogan charging up and down the place. Every time she took one step forward it felt like she took two back. Even with Miranda there were just too many enemies. It also wasn't helping that Garrus was nagging her to go faster. Who did he think he was, Shepard's wife? She was going as fast as she could. Once she finally got to the shutter she slammed her fist on the button and shot at the explosives in the corridor. Just a few more seconds and… the shutter closed.

Shepard and Miranda ran to the last shutter and Shepard slid to the floor as a vorcha aimed for her. Fires licked the air, barely missing the top of her head. She kicked her foot out, tripping the vorcha and pulled out her sidearm and aimed at his head. Bang! Dead. She cursed as she saw three more vorcha with flamethrowers round the corner. It didn't take much before they went down as well. She closed the final shutter just as Garrus radioed her.

_"Shepard, it's getting a little hot up here. Mind cooling the place down a bit?"_

"Thought you hated the cold, Vakarian"

_"Yeah well, the mercs keeping raining fire up here. Wouldn't kill me if you changed the temperature"_

"On my way" the two women jogged back up the stairs only to run into an angry krogan, obviously Blood Pack. He charged at Shepard, throwing her up against a wall "Wrong move" the krogan cocked his head before bounding back as flames flew from the Commander's gauntlet. He howled as she let loose her submachine gun, taking him down quickly as the flames kept him from regenerating. Another krogan emerged and Miranda used her biotics to warp his armor providing a long enough distraction for the two to maneuver around a desk to keep the merc from charging.

"_Shepard! Could use a little help"_ Garrus grunted.

"Kinda busy" Shepard gritted her teeth as vorcha and varren charged into the building. If she raced to Garrus' side now she'd just leave an opening for the mercs to follow and then they would all be cornered. No, it was better to take the ground floor out first. Jacob was still with Garrus so the two could probably hold out a little longer.

Once the floor was cleared a faint noise could be heard in the distance, a roaring engine, and it was getting closer. Just then she had a chill run down her spine. That was never a good sign. A pit formed in her stomach as she raced up the stairs. Garrus was in trouble and she'd be damned if she let something happen to him. When she reached the door she was confronted by another krogan, this one bigger and meaner than others she had faced. At first he was only interested in Garrus, yelling Archangel, but Shepard had gained his attention when she used her incineration that burned a good chunk of the bastard's armor. Knowing that close combat wouldn't be the wisest course she kept backing up as the krogan neared, eventually leading him back out the room. She jumped to the side as it charged and then biotics warped around the krogan and lifted off the ground.

The Commander glanced back to see Jacob had followed suit. The two finished off the leader only for more shots to ring out below. Once it settled down again the roar of the engines increased again and someone shouted over the speaker. The next thing Shepard heard was a turret firing on the second level.


	3. Memories Run Like Blood

**Chapter 3**

"It wasn't your fault, Shepard" Jacob Taylor walked through the doors to find the Commander sitting on the table of the conference room, kicking her legs in and out. Her eyes were trained on the floor and she had the most impressive scowl on "You stopped that merc from finishing the repairs on that Gunship" Jacob could still remember the scream from the batarian as the Commander shoved the electrical tool in the back of his hardsuit. The scream had made him flinch.

"They still got the bloody thing in the air"

"If you hadn't done anything it would have been a much tougher battle"

"Taylor" the woman gave him a cold glare that was only enhanced by her cybernetic blue eyes that flashed red for a brief second "Don't try to make me feel better"

"He's not dead, Shepard" and just then the doors swooshed open behind him. The tall turian casually strolled in and past the Cerberus operative, more or less ignoring the man's presence "Speak of the devil. You are one tough son of a bitch. I'll catch you later, Shepard" Jacob gave a salute to the Commander and he gave a short nod to the turian before leaving.

Garrus walked up to the Commander. Her face had brightened upon seeing him. He had noticed the death glare she had given the dark skin man before she had turned to him "Nobody would give me a mirror, how bad is it?"

"Hell Garrus, you were always ugly" Shepard chuckled as she jumped off the table. Relief washed over her as she gazed at her old friend. She didn't know what she'd do if he hadn't made it, he was practically family "Just slap some face paint on and you'll be good as new"

Garrus gave a chuckle and clutched the side of his face, groaning in pain "Uh, don't make me laugh. My face is barely holding together as it is" it was meant as a joke but he clamped his mandibles shut as he saw the upset look that ghosted the woman's face as she stared at his scar "Jean, Chakwas and Lawson told me everything. The collectors are working for the Reapers right?" she nodded "But... Cerberus? You remember all those sick experiments? What about Admiral Kahoku..."

_The team broke into the base and distantly heard voices up ahead. They ran through the door and opened fire on the Cerberus agents. They weren't expecting an attack and thus were easily picked off. Williams ran to the console and shut off the barrier. As soon as it lowered acidic spit was aimed toward Garrus and Shepard. It looked like rachni, an extinct species. Once they were dead the three found an Alliance Admiral's body. Shepard turned the body onto its back. It was Admiral Kahoku. He had warned the team that Cerberus might come for him. He wasn't just paranoid it seemed. It looked like he was injected with something. The man didn't even get the chance to fight back._

"…and Toombs..."

"_Shepard? Is that really you? I thought I was the only survivor" the man's hand shook, the barrel pointed at a scientist's head. He looked as though he had seen a ghost "The Thresher Maws didn't get you? This entire time you've been alive" the man's hand stopped shaking as he tightened his grip. It looked as though he'd hardened his resolve._

"_Toombs, I need you to calm down" Shepard put her hands out hoping to show that she wasn't a threat. The man stood his ground, but the gun lowered just a tad "You're shooting people"_

"_You don't understand" the man shook his head "This man works for Cerberus! They all did! They sent those monsters after us, got our squad killed! We were an experiment! They found me, barely breathing and continued with those experiments! This? This is justice"_

_Shepard frowned "If this is true then he has to face the Alliance, they'll bring justice"_

"_What!" the man on the floor screamed "You're not going to believe him are you? He's crazy!"_

"_I know him" was all she said as she took another step forward._

"_You're right, Shepard" Bang! "But if Cerberus knew their agent was in custody they'd get an inside man to bail him out" the man handed her the gun as he walked over the fresh corpse. He leaned over her until their foreheads touched "At least they didn't get you… at least you're still sane. Never trust a three headed dog" he kissed her forehead right before the Alliance arrived to arrest him._

Garrus gently wiped the blood from Shepard's nose "Jean?" he whispered.

She blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears from cascading down but she couldn't stop one from sliding down her cheek. She had just received a message from Toombs, calling her a traitor or that she was brainwashed like others. He swore that if they met he would rip her from their evil claws, cleansing her mind. Even kill her if he had to. These memories were going to drive her mad at this rate. She wiped the remaining blood on her long blue sleeve, making a mental note to wash it later. Shepard calmly explained that no one but Cerberus cared about the missing colonists and that the Reapers were real. Garrus listened intently, not dismissing her claims.

"I'm glad you're here. If I'm going head first into Hell I'm glad you'll have my six"

"You do realize this plan means I'll be walking into Hell too right?" he gave a small chuckle "Hah, just like old times. Well I'm ready when you need me"

"Good, cause we still have to do a little shopping and go get the good doctor"

"With the plague that infects turians? Why don't you ever take me somewhere nice?"

"Hey, I'm buying lunch on the Citadel afterwards, remember? It ain't cheap eating there" she slapped his back as she headed for the door "Damn turian beats me by one head" she muttered once the doors closed.

Once again she missed the worried look that followed her out the door "I'll always have your six, Jean. Promise" Garrus whispered into the empty room, his emotions conflicted with the reappearance of his old Commander. He shook his head to clear. The Commander already had a mission lined up and he needed to be focused if he was going to keep that promise. He headed after her to the armory to gear up.

Finding the doctor seemed like a piece of cake since they were only fighting more krogans, mercs, and hey guess what? More vorcha! They just popped out of nowhere. It also didn't help that not long after entering the quarantine zone Garrus had started coughing making the Commander doubt her decision to bring him. He had insisted a little cough wouldn't stop him so they kept going. Everyone that decided not to shoot them practically fled at the name Mordin Solus though. They called him crazy, afraid he'd shoot them. As bullets continued flying Shepard's hatred for Omega only grew. Fights at every corner, horrible smells, and nasty attitudes from the residences weren't not exactly good qualities. This place was a shit hole and she couldn't wait to leave. She just needed the doctor first, assuming he would even agree to help. If he was like everyone else on the station she didn't know any way to get him off Omega short a gun to his head but that wasn't the best way to ask for help.

They reached their destination in record time. The salarian scientist injected Garrus at first sight with a cure while rambling on about the correct dosage before turning his attention to Shepard. He questioned who she was but it turned out he was questioning himself because every question he asked he answered himself not even letting the Commander open her mouth. Aria was right. Once he started talking he did not stop. She wondered if he had an off button but guessed that since he wasn't synthetic the answer would be "no." Shepard had to intervene just so he'd stop guessing the five hundred possibilities as to why she was there. He didn't seem too worried about Cerberus and agreed to help only after the cure was placed in the ventilation system and his assistant was found. This would have proved easier than the last mission if the mercs didn't have rocket launchers! Too many times Shepard had to resort to her camouflage to move from cover and shoot. How much ammo could they carry anyway? That stuff wasn't light.

Once the cure was placed and the air ducts were reactivated the group left back for the Normandy to wait for the Professor. Shepard gave him the short version of their suicide mission after interjecting another assault of questions before letting the Professor have a field day in the tech lab.

_Two down,_ Shepard thought as she took the elevator to her cabin. The room was large, a comfortable bed for two, a private shower, a couch, display case, and a fish tank. Why on Earth would Cerberus give her a fish tank? It didn't even have any fish! The entire place just looked like a waste of money but she did concede that it was a nice change of pace. The Illusive man probably thought he could woo her with shiny objects but she wasn't going to let material objects affect her opinion of that vile man. Still, the place felt weird. Maybe she just needed time to adjust, she hadn't actually been in here that much since she first came aboard.

Jeanette plopped down on the edge of the bed and peeled off her sneakers and the blood covered sleeve. They wouldn't arrive at the Citadel for a few hours and she needed some sleep. The Illusive Man's reports could wait and if Ms. Lawson had a problem with it she could stuff them up her backside. She scooted up on the bed and relaxed against the soft pillows. Her eyes drifted shut and she rolled onto her side. She spent the next half hour trying to fall asleep, tossing and turning, only to find the quiet bliss of sleep wouldn't come. Something was off. The bed was too soft. After years of sleeping on cots or the stiff mattress that superior officers sometimes got she wasn't use to the soft and lush bed. She hadn't slept in a bed this nice since... well she couldn't remember when she ever slept on a nice bed. Even the one in her old apartment wasn't this squishy. She would need to get a stiffer mattress later.

She sat up and glanced around the room. She thought about sleeping on the couch but it was made of leather and the warmth of her room would only leave her waking up with a sweaty back that stuck to the material. She turned around to find a sort of raised platform, maybe you could call it an alcove, behind the bed. It reached from one end of the room to the other and was void of clutter. It also looked plenty wide enough for a person to lay up on it. She leapt from the bed, yanked the blanket off and laid it on the alcove as padding. She tossed a pillow up there as well before curling up on the hard surface. She instantly fell asleep.

"_Shepard? What are you doing up?" the quarian was surprised to see the human Commander up and about. The Normandy had a built in lights-out system that turned off any bright lights past eleven and most of the crew would be asleep. The ship, however, was mostly lit with dull blue lights so she didn't really see a reason for lights-out._

"_You can just call me Jean, Tali. I won't bite… much" the woman smirked as she pried a small chuckle from the young woman "After our last conversation I got the feeling you might be up tonight. Appears my suspicions were correct"_

"_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry"_

"_You're a part of my crew and I look out for my crew. Besides, I couldn't get much sleep either. So what are you up to?"_

"_Oh uh, it's nothing. Just something silly"_

"_Really?" the Commander tried to look at what the woman was doing but the quarian had hidden it behind her back "Because that looks like something"_

_The quarian sighed before pulling her hand from behind her back. She opened her hand to reveal a small metal ball with tiny purple lights "I was just trying to make a combat drone. I've seen them in the markets at the Citadel, even saw the inner workings of one. I just wanted to see if I could make my own"_

"_That sounds cool" the quarian was surprised by the sincere tone and watched as the Commander plopped down on the floor next to her in engineering "How's it coming?"_

"_Slowly. I've been using spare parts and scraps we've come across on missions but my real problem is the power supply" Tali handed the small ball to the Commander. Shepard twisted the thing in her hand as the gazed the metal workings "It only lasts for three seconds before turning off. For it to be effective I need it to last longer than that. The little bosh'tet rejects half the power cells I give it"_

"_Bosh'tet?"_

"_Oh, um… I think the closest translation in your language is bastard"_

_Shepard nodded, still twisting the ball a few times before handing the technology back "Good to know. Don't worry too much about the drone. I'm sure a smart girl like you can figure it out"_

"_I…" the quarian paused at the compliment before the white orbs in her faceplate lit up in a smile "Thank you… Jean"_

"_So what are you going to name it?"_

"_Name it?"_

"_Yeah. You built it yourself so I think it's worthy of a name. That's what my brother did. He made these little wheeled robots and had them roam the house. Named every one of them. He gave them strange names if you ask me. He called one of his robots Mr. Charger. He had it chase our pets around the house. He named another Bubblegum because as soon as it started up it had rolled right over a piece of chewed bubblegum on the road and got stuck"_

_The quarian shook her head and giggled "Your brother sounds silly"_

"_He was a dork, but he was my dork of a brother"_

_Tali rolled the small ball in her hands "Chiktikka vas Paus. That's what I'll call her"_

Jeanette's eyes drifted open and a hand slowly found its way to her face. She sighed in relief when she found no blood.

_"Shepard" _the small platform by the door lit up and the blue holo of the AI appeared.

Jeanette gave a snort as she heard the AI call her. It was probably waiting for the exact moment she awoke to bother her. She still didn't like the AI aboard her ship. It wasn't just the geth and the rogue VI from Luna Base that made her wary of AIs but the rogue AI on the Citadel that tried to blow up the Presidium. That was not fun. Jeanette stretched from her makeshift bed before replying "Yes, EDI?"

_"We will be arriving at the Citadel in twenty minutes"_

Jeanette wondered how much she had slept because even with the Mass Relays it still took time to get from one system to the next "Thank you"

_"Also, Ms. Lawson has requested that she join you when you visit the Council"_

Shepard frowned. There was no way she was taking the Cerberus operative with her. There was already a good chance the Council wouldn't even meet their own Spectre because of her _forced_ relation with the pro-human group, especially since they were far more radical than Terra Firma. Cerberus was even considered an enemy of the Council. Shepard would be surprised if she wasn't arrested as soon as she docked on the station. If she wasn't arrested the Council would only throw more accusations at her with a Cerberus agent on her heels. If they were going to get any help they had to play nice "Tell her request denied. Inform Garrus and Professor Solus that we're going on a field trip"

_"Yes, Commander"_ and the blue orb dissipated.

Shepard could already imagine the sour look on Miranda's face. It almost made her want to laugh.

After grabbing a fruit from the mess hall, or she hoped it was a fruit, she left for the armory. She still couldn't understand why the armory was on the CIC. It was far more practical that her gear be in the hangar when she took off on ground missions but Cerberus just had to flip her ship upside down. When she entered Jacob seemed surprised to see her as she grabbed her armor. She might just be dropping by for a meeting, shopping, and lunch but nothing went according to plan. You want a picnic? You get a Thresher Maw instead of ants. That was just Shepard's past experiences and she wasn't going anywhere unprepared. Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.

There was one thing she did like about Cerberus, not that she'd ever admit liking anything about them. She liked the customized armor. Before, she just grabbed the most effective armor for her and her squad. She always giggled when she saw either Garrus or Kaidan wearing the pink phoenix armor. They weren't as amused. It would have been funnier on Wrex but he refused to where it, forgoing the better armor in favor of his quad as he liked to say. Now she could have excellent armor in blue camouflage. She might be a soldier, but that didn't mean she didn't like looking fashionable when shooting mercs' heads off... not that most women would call blue camouflage armor fashionable.

She heard the clanking of heels on metal as the doors swooshed open, the sound annoying her. She didn't even turn around, already knowing who was standing right behind her. No force on Earth could make Jeanette change her mind about letting the Cerberus bitch join her on the Citadel. She was staying and Shepard wasn't going to argue. Ignoring the woman didn't seem to help however. The brunette had stopped behind but after a few seconds of being ignored she had started tapping her foot impatiently. Shepard had a feeling it was going to be a long day.


	4. Citadel Window Shopping

**Chapter 4**

Jeanette Shepard stepped out of the cab with Garrus and Mordin right behind her. She glanced around and noticed that security had gone up since the last time she was there. There were several people in line getting their luggage thoroughly checked by C-Sec officers and she could tell that many people were annoyed by the slow wait. A few visitors even made rude comments to the workers about invasion of privacy and other things. Part of her felt sorry for the workers but another part of her agreed about the invasion of privacy. It shouldn't have been surprising since it had been two years after the attack but everything looked so different. That was probably because she was in a different section of the Citadel. The station was so massive that Shepard swore she hadn't even seen half of it regardless of living on it for awhile. After only a few steps Shepard was stopped when an advertisement popped up nearby.

A hooded figure appeared on the cylindrical screen, eyes hidden in the shadow and a stripe of purple on the woman's bottom lip _"Commander Shepard" _the woman was smirking at her even though her voice was kept even _" Are you in debt to collectors? Call Kasumi's Credit Services"_

Shepard casually leaned against a pillar near the projection, glancing around as she started talking to the advertisement "Ms. Goto"

_"Password please" _the holo smiled under her hood.

The Commander sighed, she felt ridiculous. She really did understand why this was necessary "Silence is golden"

_"Good to finally meet you, Commander Shepard. Good to see it's the real deal"_

"How can you be sure?"

"_Trust me, I know. You have this… aura I guess. You can't fake that"_

"So did Cerberus give you the run down?"

"_Indeed they did. Honestly, I'm surprised Cerberus didn't contact me sooner but I guess all that matters is that they did at all. It was awfully kind of you to help me with the heist. You'll look great in formal wear" _

Shepard heard a short chuckle from the turian before quirking an eyebrow in the advertisement's direction. She quickly looked away again, her eyes scanning the crowds. She should have been annoyed that Cerberus forgot to mention a heist but that wasn't what bothered her "Formal wear?"

_"You mean Cerberus didn't tell you?"_

"They like withholding information. Probably think they're being funny"

_"My apologies. If you don't mind I'll explain the details later. Don't worry, I already unloaded my things when you arrived" _the advertisement cut off and a small dark figure quietly landed behind Shepard. Jeanette glanced over her shoulder at the smiling thief "You know Shepard, most people actually talk straight at advertisements when they talk back. I'm kinda relieved you didn't act quite as silly"

"Infiltrators don't get very far without subtlety"

"True"

"Wanna join us or will you just sneak aboard the ship now" Shepard asked as she wondered exactly how helpful this thief would be against the collectors. She was a tad shorter than the Commander and her outfit didn't seem very practically for a firefight. It was tight and black. Good for stealth and flexibility but useless as protection. The thief either had an excellent shield generator or just never planned on getting shot at. She would just have to take the woman on her next mission to see how good she was.

"I think I'll come along. Who knows, maybe you're more fun than the vids proclaim" the thief gave a smirk as soon as the turian started chuckling.

"You have no idea" Garrus replied before heading straight to the security post to get clearance.

Item one on Shepard's To Do List, done. Item two: The Council. _Joy upon joy, _the Commander thought sarcastically.

She groaned as soon as she stepped into Councilor Anderson's office. She heard the argument before she even stepped foot in the room. The Council accused her of working with radicals. They also called her mentally unstable because she believed in the Reaper threat, or more accurately, the turian Councilor called her mentally whacked and even used little air quotes with his talons when referring to the Reapers. Shepard didn't know what his problem was but sometimes she really just wanted to hit him. She had nothing against turians but the Councilor seemed to have something against her. They only ever had one polite conversation which lasted about ten seconds as he honored the humans who saved his sorry ass. But he and everyone else on the Citadel were happy to believe it was just the geth that attacked and not some ancient evil machine race. When the Reapers finally attacked nothing was going to stop her from saying "I told you so." They'd deserve it when the time came Shepard assured herself.

The Council however, did admit that they owed Shepard their lives so they reinstated her Spectre status. That, however, did not have a lot of weight when it came to the Terminus system which the Council was practically banishing her to. It was mostly for a show of good faith on the Council's part but it was better than nothing in the Commander's opinion. What did make things worse was that Anderson refused to tell her where Ashley Williams was because of her ties to Cerberus. Shepard had done her best with scrounging up anything that would lead her to her old teammate but it looked like someone was covering the Chief's tracks. Anderson used to be her mentor back in the Alliance when he was a Captain. Everyone called her his star pupil but that apparently didn't mean much at the moment. No one seemed to trust her... well, except for Garrus.

She left, practically dragging a growling turian with her. Garrus was not taking the accusations on her lightly which was the only bright side to that conversation. Though he did get in Anderson's personal space and was about to threaten him had the Spectre not intervened. Apparently being a former C-Sec officer didn't always implant what not to do in the turian's. She was positive that by the guilty look on Anderson's face that he thought he deserved it and was unlikely to report it. If she had at least one person who believed in her she knew she could keep going. It wouldn't be easier but Shepard never believed life was easy. She would tough it out like she always did, get in and get the job done. Simple. The actual mission wouldn't be simple but she liked to think it was, made it easier to swallow the work load.

Once back at the Wards she started her short shopping trip. Gardner, the chef, needed decent supplies for meals. Cerberus had just given the man field rations and the chef thought the crew deserved a few good meals before walking through the gates of Hell. The Commander also thought it would be a good idea to get food supplies to satisfy the nonhuman crewmembers, especially Garrus. Turians and quarians were the only species Shepard knew who couldn't eat levo-based foods without a chance of dying. Best case scenario the aliens just had an allergic reaction but the Commander wasn't about to risk her friend's life on a possibility. This shopping also proved useful because Shepard wanted some weapon upgrades. What she owned now was not quite as impressive as what she had two years ago. She missed her HMWP X and her HMWSR X. They were by far the best pistol and sniper rifle she ever had the pleasure of firing and the only reason got to even look at the master quality weapons was because of her Spectre status. Garrus was also pleased when the Commander decided to buy a second sniper for him.

Most of the shopping was easy, especially when she was recognized and given a lovely discount on all items when she entered any establishment. Which was handy seeing as she had limited funds, Cerberus was a lot more stingy about handing over credits than the Alliance was. She did however wish that some store owners weren't so overly enthused like the turian standing right in front of her now, Etarn Tiron she believed his name was. He had immediately dropped the gun he was working on and gaped at the human Spectre as she strolled in with her three companions. He grinned as he clasped her hand and started rambling about her saving the Citadel and Council. When asked about his weapons he went on about expeditions and mercenaries but then the conversation started getting uncomfortable real quick after the Commander offered to sponsor the store in exchange for a discount.

"A discount? Of course! Anything for you. Hell, I'd name my first born child after you if you asked!" Shepard could feel the amusement vibrating off of her companions but chose to ignore it, the man was just being friendly after all "Not that I have a mate to impregnate but you get my point" _overly _friendly. The turian flexed his mandibles in wonder as he noticed the Spectre's face had started turning a light shade of red. It was probably best the Commander not think too much on that note.

"I'll just buy the shotgun, thank you" the companions left the store only to stop a few feet outside. Shepard rubbed her temples when she saw the smirks she was receiving. It happened every time someone said something even the slightest bit suggestive. Her friends always thought it was funny that they couldn't go thirty feet on the station before someone, mostly asari, tried flirting with her. They even made a giant board one day with bets on how many of those flirts Shepard had actually acted on. They weren't happy though when she refused to admit to anything related to her sex life so nobody won anything, just a waste of their time. It didn't deter them though.

"I'd name my first born child after you if you asked" Garrus mocked in a low and suggestive tone. He had the most smug look on his face and Shepard thought for a second that it looked like a great target. Kasumi, on the other hand, held a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter when the turian tried waggling his brow plate thing. Shepard never really knew what to call it but he looked stupid for trying to mimic the human action "I think he's in _love_"

"Garrus?"

"Yes, Jean?"

"Stuff it"

"If you wish Shepard, have many educational vids for turian and human relations. Includes comfortable positions, sensitive spots, Dos and Don'ts. Warning, sexual activity may cause chafing. Also, recommend against ingestion of tissue, might cause allergic reaction. Anaphylactic shock possible" Mordin grinned, obviously pleased with his educational joke. Shepard was positive that everything he said was true but she could have lived without knowing that. That statement was also the last straw because Kasumi and Garrus both couldn't hold it anymore and they burst into laughter. _Why me? _Shepard groaned at her companions.

"Alright, as amusing as this is I think we're done shopping. Goto and Solus, meet us back on the Normandy in an hour. I gotta go feed this lug before he starts bitching"

"Why? Lose a bet, Commander?" Kasumi smirked.

"Unfortunately" she turned around and started pushing the turian away. An almost comical sight, a human woman pushing a grown turian whose feet at first refused to lift off the ground "Lead the way, vigilante. You know where this famous restaurant is"

Garrus had led them to small restaurant near the markets. It was another place Shepard couldn't remember ever seeing on her previous trips to the Citadel. In her mind she knew a good amount about where things were on the Citadel, every place she liked anyway. There was this one tea shop in particular she liked. It was funny though, the place had been open for years but when she got lost one day and asked for directions no one could point her in the right direction which only proved just how big the Citadel was. It was like trying to find a needle in a haystack which basically meant it was a pain.

The restaurant in front of her was a quaint little place with some upbeat music in the background. It reminded Jeanette more of a coffee house with its low lighting and small stage for a band. It mostly consisted of booths with a long bar at the end. She liked the atmosphere and decided to check the place off on her mental map of places on the Citadel to visit. Lucky for them there weren't many people at this time of the day and were led to a table quickly by an asari waitress who gave them their menus. What she really liked was that it was one of the few places on the Citadel that served food for both levo and dextro-based foods. The menu had a list for about every alien race she could think of, even for quarians who weren't usually given the warmest receptions on the station.

As they sat in the booth the two had to hold in their laughter when people gaped at them with their full body armor. Even most C-Sec officers didn't saunter into a restaurant in their armor with a grenade launcher strapped to their back unless it was business. The friends mostly ignored the guests and their loud gossip in favor of talking to each other and check the menu. The two took a few minutes to glance over the menu before deciding on what to have. As soon as the food arrived, Garrus got a whiff of the steaming plate Shepard had. He was a little surprised to find that the smell didn't repulse him. turians had a much stronger sense of smell than humans and were driven away by a few of their dishes. Though that was usually true with every species encountering an alien dish.

"What have you got there?" Garrus jabbed a piece of fruit with what looked to be a tiny spear before sticking it in his mouth.

Shepard pointed to each item in turn "Cheeseburger or more commonly called 'a heart attack on a bun,' some fries, and a strawberry milkshake. Pure junk food. Haven't had any in ages. I'd offer you some if I didn't think it would kill you. What about you?"

"Some fruit from Palaven and soup"

"Smells more like dish soap" the woman leaned forward as she smelled the grey substance that sat in the strangest looking bowl she had ever seen. It was probably designed for turians which made her wonder just how turians drank and ate soup. On more than one occasion Shepard had enjoyed lunch with her friend but never paid attention to how he ate. Her nose wrinkled in curiosity as she sniffed once more to make sure she was smelling it right.

"You sure your nose is working?"

"Nope" came the Commander's flat reply "I don't trust Cerberus to get my favorite color right, why should they get my sense of smell right?"

"Point" they ate in silence for a short time before Garrus piped back up "It's green right?"

"What?"

"Your favorite color, it's green"

"You actually remember that?"

"I remember more than you think, Jean. I have perfect memory"

The Commander leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms. There was a challenging look in her eyes "Alright hot shot, what's my middle name?"

"Lex"

"Joker's quirk?"

"Touching his hat"

"My favorite song from the twenty first century?"

"Wait, I know this one… Iron!"

"By?"

"Shit… uh, Foodkid" Garrus' mandibles fluttered as the woman just stared at him for a moment, an amused look lighting her features.

"Woodkid"

"I was close" Garrus relaxed as his Commander gave a laugh. He returned to his plate as they continued eating in comfortable silence. After a few minutes something caught Garrus' attention out of the corner of his eye. There was a droplet of a red liquid on the table. Another drop fell onto the table and he glanced up to see Shepard bleeding from her nose, a faraway look in her eyes.

From what he could tell, Jeanette hadn't receded back into old memories all day. When he first found her on Omega he was almost afraid she'd point a gun in his face, mistaking him for someone else. Once conscious on the Normandy he had been pulled aside by Miranda. The operative immediately informed him of her condition. Being overcome by memories at anytime didn't sound healthy to him and the Cerberus operative had the same opinion. She tried ordering him to babysit the Commander and immediately refused. One: because he only took orders from Shepard. Two: if Jeanette found out she'd have their heads on pikes.

This didn't stop him from worrying though. While the memories popped out at random they didn't seem to pop up during battle when the Commander needed to be in the present the most. But would it stay that way? Doctor Chakwas told him that after maybe a few weeks Jeanette would be able to control her thoughts. What would they do if something critical happened before then?

_Laughter roared through the Mess Hall. After the last mission Shepard had everyone gather to just relax. They deserved it. She wondered how they even became such close friends. She knew from the start there would be some prejudice from the Alliance crew about the aliens she was picking up._

_Now though, Navigator Pressley and Engineer Adams were deep in conversation with the qurian, Tali. Ash was sharing a laugh with Wrex, the krogan and just about everyone was chanting for Garrus and Kaidan to chug some unknown liquid faster. Liara still felt a little out of her element but everyone adored the shy asari and did their best to make her feel welcomed. Seeing her crew warm up to each other felt like a huge accomplishment._

_Jeanette still wasn't sure how she ended up with all the aliens on her ship. She had bumped into Garrus during her investigation into convicting Saren and apparently the turian officer hadn't quit his own investigation like he was ordered. Not willing to turn down a hand she let the C-Sec officer help her. Then she ran into the krogan and quarian. At first, she had just asked for their aid to find evidence to convict Saren. Apparently they all decided to jump aboard her ship and fight Saren instead, not that she didn't appreciate the help._

_Jeanette ducked as a spoonful of mashed potatoes flew through the air. She looked across the table to see Joker trying to bat his eyelashes innocently. She wiped the smile from his face by tossing peas at him. Only this crew would act like five-year-olds, only her crew._

Shepard withdrew from her memories as a talon hand snapped its claws in front of her face. She grabbed a napkin and cleaned her face. She smiled up at her friend, receiving a confused look. _Maybe not all these memories are so bad_, Shepard thought as she continued smiling. She paid for their meal and headed out the door.

"You can head back to the ship, Jean. I'll be there shortly"

"Where are you running off to?"

"Just need to pick up a few things. Don't worry, I won't keep you waiting"

"Okay. I'll be in the training room if you need me" and with that the two departed. Shepard spent a good hour punching dummies and didn't stop until she felt she would melt into the floor. Usually she could go longer but the day felt taxing after all the accusations so better to stop now. Besides she had a few more recruits to pick up and she had to go back over their dossiers so she knew what she was getting into. She wasn't looking forward to it. One crazy scientist krogan and a convict was just what she needed for her motley crew.

When she left for her cabin she noticed a grin on the turian's face as she passed him in the hall. She was about to stop him to ask what he did but thought better of it. She probably didn't want to know, especially if he was messing with Joker again. The last thing she expected when she entered her room was a bright red teapot in the shape of a large strawberry. There was a datapad next to it. Shepard made her way over and picked up the datapad, it read:

_I know what you're thinking "Where did you get that?" Anderson had me go through your apartment when you were… indisposed and I put everything away in a safe. I know that teapot means a lot to you. There's a crate with some other things in it I thought you'd like, I left it on the couch. Joker also gave me a book to toss in there. Said you let him borrow it. Where did you even get a paper book?_

_-From Garrus_

Shepard gave a small smile before glancing at the crate. She wanted to go through it but needed to finish filling out reports for funds from the Illusive Man. It could wait she guessed as she plopped down at her desk.


	5. Two More Crazies

**Chapter 5**

Shepard sat on a crate in the cargo bay staring at the stasis pod she had brought aboard not long ago. She had left the Citadel straight for her next recruit, a krogan Warlord by the name of Okeer. He was supposedly some sort of krogan genius who knew how to deconstruct a threat. He sounded useful but not trustworthy which made the Commander a little nervous when Cerberus recommended him. Cerberus also informed her that the Warlord might know a thing or two about the collectors because he had previous exchanges with them. He was however, a no-go. Her team had landed in a hot zone. Mercenaries and tank bred krogan were shooting up the planet. The krogan mostly seemed mindless as they charged at anything that moved. The team was actually able to come across one krogan who spoke to them. He told them where to find the labs but not much else. He didn't know anything about the Warlord's experiments just that he himself was "not perfect." All the krogan they came across were apparently imperfect and thus dumped to fight off the mercs.

After plowing through every krogan and merc they finally came across their target. Just as Shepard was ready to drag Okeer off the planet, whether he wanted to leave or not, an alarm rang through the lab. The mercenaries were trying to kill Okeer and his work with a gas in the ventilation system, their leader pissed and ready to start whatever project was going on from the beginning. Okeer refused to go anywhere without his legacy that was still a work in progress, so Shepard had left the lab to kill the mercs before their gas could permanently affect the Warlord. Easier said than done though as Jedore, the leader, had activated a heavy mech and released some of the mindless krogan. Shepard had fought krogan before and deemed them the most hazardous when they weren't thinking, just acting on instinct.

They didn't make it in time. When the team returned to the labs Okeer was lying on the floor, dead. He left a recording saying he had no real information on the collectors and all the technology he had gained from them was used for his legacy. He asked that they take his legacy with them, that it may prove useful to them in the fight to come. Her teammates were against her bringing the package aboard but Shepard silenced them. She had past experiences with krogans and knew how useful they could be even if they tended to be on the aggressive side. The ground team wasn't the only ones concerned about this new package. As usual, the Commander found Jacob and Miranda arguing in the debriefing room about what to do with the krogan and they were silenced as well. The Commander did her best to ease their minds by telling them the package would remain in the port cargo until she decided the next step. It didn't do much but they backed off.

That had been hours ago and Shepard had found herself sitting on a crate, her legs swinging back and forth in front of the pod. As she stared at the closed pod she could only hope that he'd be as cooperative as Wrex was. Wrex had joined her during her hunt for Saren and though many of the crew was wary of him he proved to be nothing but an asset to the cause so if Jeanette was lucky this krogan wouldn't be any different. EDI had explained that it was unlikely the tank bred krogan was aware of his surroundings, the stasis pod he was in could sustain him for a year, and Shepard was surprised to find the krogan was affected by the genophage. She would have assumed that Okeer was looking for a cure but he apparently just wanted to make the most terrifying krogan the galaxy would ever know.

She hopped off the crate and slowly walked toward the tank "EDI, lock the room down. I'm going to unwrap my Christmas present early"

_"Cerberus protocol clearly states that..."_

"I'll not be second guessed on my ship, by my ship" the woman snapped.

_"Very well, Shepard. The controls and consequences are yours"_

_Smart ass, back talking AI,_ Shepard thought bitterly as she activated the release panel and stood back as water poured on to the floor and the krogan tumbled out. He landed on hands and knees coughing up the liquid from his lungs. He gave one glance up at her with crystal blue eyes filled with an inner rage before lunging. He slammed her back against the wall with an arm over her neck to keep her in place while the other hand was a tight fist ready to strike. He gave a small sniff and began speaking with a lumbering growl to his voice "Human, female"

"So glad you noticed. Did my perfume give it away?"

"Before I kill you I need a name"

"Commander Jeannette Shepard, Alliance, Spectre. I suggest letting go"

"Not your name, mine. Okeer did not implant one. He left words like legacy, warlord, grunt... Grunt, it'll have to do"

"Wouldn't you rather be called Legacy? Or Okeer?"

"Those words have no meaning to me. Okeer's implants were not seamless. I care nothing of him or his legacy"

"Well Grunt, if you want to keep your organs" Shepard thrust her pistol into his side. The krogan glanced down before smirking, amused that the frail looking human had the guts to aim a gun at a full grown krogan "I suggest letting me go. Now" the krogan dropped her and took a step back but didn't let his guard down, still itching for a fight.

"What do you want?"

"Oh, nothing special. I'm just on a suicide mission. A race called the collectors is kidnapping human colonists. I plan on stopping them. I was hoping you'd join me, you'd be a great asset"

"Hmm... Okeer implanted thoughts in me, war, fighting. It is my instinct. If this is as dangerous as it sounds it will allow me to test my mettle... and yours. Are they worthy of fighting?"

"Depends on your definition. They're more advanced, know more about us than we know of them, plus they already killed me once" the krogan cocked his head as he looked the woman up and down and gave an agitated huff "I'll explain that one later"

"Whatever you say, Shepard. I'll fight for you, just make sure you keep your crew out of my way or they might end up dead"

The Commander smirked as she holstered her pistol "Guess I won't be needing this"

The krogan gave an intimidating smile at the gun "Offer one hand in friendship and arm the other. Wise, Shepard. Should we come across a Clan I think I would gladly pit you against them"

"Good to have you aboard. You're also just in luck. We need to pick someone up but rarely do things go smoothly. There's a good chance a fight will break out and I want to see how you do with a gun so you'll be coming with me" the krogan smirked before punching his fists together, clearly ready for his first challenge outside of the tank.

_One of these days, _Shepard thought bitterly, _things will actually go according to plan_. The reception aboard the prison ship Purgatory was less than ideal. Upon first entering the ship guards attempted to relieve the Commander of her weapons which she refused to do. Warden Kuril, the turian in charge of the ship explained it was just a policy. Too bad for him the Commander was just as stubborn about her policy of keeping her gun. He eventually let them pass with their arms, positive that three armed visitors wouldn't make it off the ship if they caused any trouble. The Warden gave them a tour, telling them how the ship ran, how they kept prisoners civil and what happened if the homeworlds of the criminals refused to pay a fine to keep them locked up. Garrus thought it sounded like extortion but the Warden dismissed him, only saying he was doing it for "the good of the galaxy." To Jeanette it sounded like horse manure but that wasn't why she was here. The Warden gave them directions to out-processing to pick up the prisoner before parting saying he had business to attend to.

Cerberus' next dossier, which was rather sketchy on the details of who it was exactly the Commander was after, was for a convict named Jack and the Spectre's first thought was some sleazy guy who cheated at cards. That's just what she imagined when she heard "Jack, the Convict" but as she came across a jittery criminal who practically jumped away from Shepard at the name Jack she started to think this Jack wasn't in jail for cheating a poker game or stealing some priceless artifact. The criminal only said Jack was the meanest thing alive and that he'd rather stay on Purgatory than anywhere near the other criminal. Jeanette honestly didn't know what went through the Illusive Man's head, yes she needed the best to fight the collectors and anything that followed but that doesn't mean you go get the most dangerous criminal in the galaxy to help save said galaxy. People who were wanted by just about every corner of the Milky Way didn't usually have a soft spot for others in distress and would rather watch planets burn than lift a finger. If this Jack was really that bad then Shepard was positive that the Illusive Man was the one who flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Regardless of his mental state, Shepard thought it best to meet the prisoner and make her own opinions. However, it turned out that out-processing was a trap meant to lure Shepard into a cell. Apparently everyone in the galaxy wanted to make a fortune off her head including the Warden but Kuril wasn't going to lock her up anywhere. Shepard, Garrus and Grunt stormed through the ship shooting the guards down until they came across the main control room. Garrus analyzed the computer and assessed that if they overrode the lock to let Jack out they'd also let out every criminal on board. It was now or never to decide whether Jack was worth the risk and Shepard decided this boat needed to go down. Letting criminals flee didn't sound like a good idea but having them tortured by pirates who just wanted to rack up credits didn't sound much better.

Jeanette hacked the terminal and bypassed the security protocols. Soon an alarm sounded. The team looked through the large window before them and a cryogenic container lifted up from under the floor. The ice fogged glass doors slid apart to reveal their new recruit and what Shepard saw was a surprise.

"That's… Jack?" Garrus' voice was subdued from the confusion and shock.

"Jack is small" Shepard deemed Grunt's response accurate to say the least, more accurate than Shepard's earlier theories that's for sure. Jack was bald, covered in tattoos from the waist up at least, and a woman. A very small woman.

The frost on her skin began to melt and her eyes flickered open. Her disorientation from waking from cryogenic stasis lasted only a moment before the woman realized where she was and struggled with her restraints, the metal straps breaking away while at the same time two heavy mechs activated and turned, their writing requiring them to stop the convict from escaping. The machines didn't stand a chance though. The small woman glowed with biotic power and she charged, growling at the mechs. Biotics tore the machines to scrap metal and an explosion soon shook the room after the woman disappeared below them and out of sight.

"Ha!" Grunt pumped his fists before pulling his shotgun out "Come on! I wanna see how long she lasts"

The team took the side door to the lower lever and followed through all the walls the biotic had torn to shreds. Guards and criminals ran amuck all over the place and the team had to shot just about anything that moved to make any progress. A station wide alert went off announcing that the ship had taken severe damage and evacuation was recommended. EDI called over the Commander's channel and advised the same thing. Lucky for them that Jack was headed straight for the Normandy without realizing it. The last thing they had to do was get past Kuril who had erected a large shield around himself. Taking care of the shield pylons was harder than the Commander would have liked but when a dozen guards are shooting at you it makes it hard to focus. Grunt and Shepard took care of the guards while Garrus overloaded the pylons one by one, the shield's strength diminishing slowly. Once down, Garrus and Grunt flanked with their assault rifles while Shepard used her tactical cloak. She climbed a large container and could easily see the Warden as he ducked behind cover as her squad kept firing. She pulled her sniper from her back and lined up the shot while the turian was distracted. One well aimed shot to the head and the Warden was down.

They reached the ship to see the tattooed woman killing the guards. One tried to sneak up on the convict only to find a bullet in his head. The woman whipped around to face Shepard whose pistol she lowered to the ground.

"Back off bitch if you know what's good for you"

"I just saved your ass" Shepard growled at the woman. Right now, Jeanette was not in the mood to fight off a powerful biotic nut job. She wanted off the crashing ship and she wanted off now.

The biotic scoffed, blue energy wrapping around her body as she stared the Commander down "He was already dead, he just didn't know it yet. And if you even think of taking me anywhere on that damn ship" the convict pointed out the window to the docking bay, her finger landing on the Normandy "you'll be dead too"

"Look lady, I ain't hear to fight but trust me when I say you don't want to be my enemy"

"People have a tendency of _dying_" Garrus raised his rifle "We could always knock her out"

"Hmm, ask nicely or have a deranged convict wake up on my ship and tear it in two. I think I'll just ask"

"Ask what?" the woman bit out, it was almost a surprise she hadn't attacked them yet.

"I need your help, as simple as that"

"You want me to just walk onto a Cerberus vessel? You think I'm stupid?"

"Only if you're staying on a ship that's going down in flames. Look, I'm asking for your help, I'm not dragging you kicking and screaming"

The crazy woman growled, clearly not wanting to budge as she looked back at the Normandy. Another explosion shook along with an alarm and it seemed to be the sort of sign the biotic was looking for "Let's make a deal. I'll come with you if you give me access to Cerberus' database"

"Deal, now let's go before we turn into barbeque"

Once the ship departed the system safely Shepard handed over the codes to access the system to the convict, ignoring all protests from Miranda before departing. She did her best to hold in a laugh at Miranda's new nickname given by the biotic. "Cerberus Cheerleader" imprinted an image in the Commander's head of the snobby woman in a yellow skirt and pigtails with pompoms. As she left she found she had some tension built up and decided it had to be dealt with.

It was easy for Garrus to find the Commander in the training room. He sat on a bench as he watched her fight with a hand-to-hand combat droid. There were a lot of things Shepard could do and knocking someone flat on their ass with a finger was one of them. She preferred speed over strength, feinting her enemies at every opportunity and finding their weak spots. However, she did not lack strength. Garrus had been a witness to many fights with Shepard and the woman could break a krogan's jaw if she wanted to. It was always fun to place bets on who would win and watching the woman trounce every man who stepped in the ring was priceless… Garrus just prayed he'd never end up on the receiving end of her fist… or boot, it wouldn't be quite so funny to him anymore. In fact he'd probably never find it funny again once he landed in the hospital.

After her fifth round she hopped out of the ring to grab her water bottle, it was then she actually noticed the turian. His eyes trained on her but she ignored the searching look, she wasn't in the mood to argue. She nodded her head toward the arena but received a shake from the man. She shrugged as she took a long swig, sweat dripped from her forehead and her gold blond hair had turned five shades darker from the sweat that drenched it. She screwed the lid back on and placed next to the turian. She breathed in and out a few times before she jumped back into the ring to start the next combat drill.

If she had asked, Garrus would have denied coming to check on her but knowing her she had already figured it out. She didn't appreciate being coddled or treated like a helpless civilian. Though, no one ever treated her like that. She just jumped to the assumption that people thought she was weak if they worried about her, but Garrus couldn't help but worry, and neither could Joker or Chakwas. They had all made a silent pact to watch out for her, not because they thought she was weak but because she was in a hole that Cerberus dug and she had no idea how she got in it or how she was getting out. They weren't there for her when she died but they were here now and they would have her six.

So Garrus had come to see if she was still having flashbacks. That he noticed so far she hadn't had one since their trip to the Citadel, which showed she was improving. But a recent medical exam from Dr. Chakwas and Professor Solus showed that there were abnormalities in her hippocampus and frontal lobe. From what little human biology Garrus learned, the hippocampus was what registered the present and the frontal lobe stored memories. They couldn't be sure if the flashbacks would cease yet or not so Garrus took it upon himself to watch for any signs, nose bleeds, distance looks or just odd behavior when out on the field. So far he had squat which was fine by him but he could never be too sure at the moment. He had volunteered for every mission to watch over her and so far was allowed to join. He knew though that as soon as he showed signs of fatigue she would leave him on the ship. He wasn't sure he trusted any of the other squad mates to keep an eye out except Mordin and only because he was a doctor.

What Garrus thought the Commander really needed was someone to talk to, but he couldn't be that person. In fact no one on the ship could help, not even Kelly Chambers. The last thing she needed was a psyche evaluation. She needed someone who understood what was happening to her, what it felt like to die, what it was like to never forget, he just didn't know if there was such a person. If there was would they actually find them before Hell broke loose? Garrus could only hope.

On her tenth round Shepard had whacked the droid so hard sparks flew from its neck and its lights flashed off. The droid's limbs fell to its side, its head hung low, and sparks continued raining from its joints.

"They might make you pay for that"

"You think they'll make me pay for this hunk of scrap?" Shepard sat on the floor panting. She swiped sweat from her forehead before leaning back on her hands "Cerberus may like spending millions of credits bringing the dead back to life but they _love_ giving the dead nothing to work with"

"I just think you should go easy on the poor droid"

"Would you rather you be my new sparring buddy?"

"Oh no, no, no, no. I think I'll keep my name off the list of people's ass you floored"

"Spoilsport"

"I take offense to that!" the turian placed a hand over his chest, his talons digging into his chest plate and a theatrically wounded expression on his face. His mandibles fluttered against his mouth as he spoke "You of all people, Jean, should know I'm the life of the party"

"_Liar"_ Joker spoke over the intercom _"Everyone knows I'm where the party's at"_

"Joker, what did I say about spying?"

"_That it was wrong and rude and immoral and a bunch of other boring motherly words" _Joker sounded flippant, most likely rolling his eyes as he spoke. Sometimes that man was just an ass. Probably thought his ability to fly a ship and his brittle bones made him untouchable. One of these days he'd get a taste of his own medicine, maybe someday soon.

Shepard turned an annoyed look up at the speaker, her voice filled with warning "Joker"

"_Relax, I was only kidding. Except for the party thing, that's totally my domain"_

"Yes, because I'm sure the best celebrations are held in a cramped cockpit"

"_Oh trust me Commander, the parties up here are wild. And private, short guest list, only so much Joker to go around"_

"I don't even want to know where you're going with that" Shepard groaned as she just dropped the rest of the way to the mat to lie on her back. She threw an arm over her eyes to keep out the bright light of the room. Her breathing was still trying to slow.

"Now who's the spoilsport?" Garrus snickered from his spot on the bench.

"Stuff it, Vakarian"

"Ouch. We're back on a last name basis? Now you've truly wounded me"

"Cry me a river"

"_Commander Shepard"_ EDI's blue holo appeared nearby on a small platform.

"Yes?"

"_The Illusive Man wishes to speak with you in the debriefing room"_

Shepard couldn't help the undignified and possibly childish whine that escaped her throat "Now what does that nuisance want?"


	6. Not According to Plan

**Chapter 6**

"It was a trap!" Shepard barked at the holo-projection in front of her. She paced back and forth in the small space provided as she glared daggers at the man who continuously claimed to be on her side. As always the Illusive Man was reclining in his chair while the ever present sun sat behind him, the strange red and blue glow shadowing the man's features. The man took a drag from his cigarette and the Commander had to hold in the urge to sneer. She hated the smell of smoke but the man was light years away so the smell would never reach her. Every time she came into the debriefing room she would leave with a headache from the man before her. This time Shepard felt a larger headache form as the conversation dragged on. First chance she got she was going to shoot the Illusive Man in the foot… and the crotch… Hell, she'd just shoot everywhere and her problem would be solved.

"It was necessary. Look, Shepard, I know you don't like my methods but at least I get results" the Illusive Man leaned back in his chair and puffed a cloud of smoke from his cigarette, seemingly unimpressed by the cold glare he was receiving. _Smug bastard probably just thinks I can't touch him_, Shepard thought bitterly.

"You had half a colony abducted, almost got my friend killed, and practically told the entire galaxy I was your minion! And for what? To see if your theory was right? Well _congratulations_, the Collectors still want my head on a platter!"

"I know you're upset-"

"No! I already told you once I'm not your friend. You may have rebuilt me from bits and pieces but you know nothing about me. You want my help? Then no more sacrificing innocents"

The man sat quietly a few moments, contemplating the Spectre's words as he extinguished his cigarette "Very well, we'll try it your way. Just so you know, I've added three more dossiers. I had them sent to your computer" the Illusive Man gave the Commander a hard look and realized anything else he tried to say would be cut off. He had already explained everything necessary, he would contact her when he had more information "I'll be here if you need me" and with that the projection ended.

"No... you won't" Shepard muttered as she stormed back to her cabin, rubbing her temples as she went. The entire crew kept their distance as the Commander passed through, pretending they didn't notice her. She silently fumed during the slow elevator ride to her cabin, her foot tapping against the metal floor and her hand reaching toward her neck. Her hand reached for something under her chin but grabbed nothing but air. She looked down at her chest and sighed as she realized what she wanted to grab was no longer there so instead her hand fiddled with the collar of her shirt anxiously.

As soon as the doors slid open Jeanette stepped off the lift and into her room where she threw herself down on the bare mattress as she went back over her latest mission in her head. The trip to the colony on Horizon was less than pleasant. Mordin barely finished his new invention to ward off the Seeker Swarms and they had no idea if it would actually work until they landed on the surface, "field testing" as Mordin said. Luckily it did work but even without the Seekers trying to paralyze them, Shepard's team still had to fight off hordes of collectors and husks.

The colony had been helpless with their defense towers offline and calibrations wrong. Shepard fought off their enemies as she ordered EDI to recalibrate the targeting system, the process a slow one as more husks and collectors showed. Once back online, the guns fired at the collector ship but they proceeded to take off with half the colony already aboard. That's when Gunnery Chief, or Operations Chief now, Ashley Williams showed. Apparently she'd been placed there for an outreach program between the Alliance and outer colonies. A cover story. Turns out the Alliance had been tipped off that Horizon would be attacked and they _were _attacked because Williams was there. The collectors wanted Shepard and the best way to do that was to go after people she knew.

That wasn't the worst part of the reunion. Williams called her a traitor, much like everyone else, that she not only betrayed the Alliance but mankind as well. She claimed Cerberus was behind the attacks and they were using the Commander. It sounded too familiar, the Council always claimed that Saren was manipulating her but now it was Cerberus. Shepard tried to explain what was really happening but no matter how logical it sounded the officer wouldn't listen. Even Garrus tried to reason with her but Ashley thought the turian had gone crazy if he was working for the pro-human group. She refused to help a traitor and before she left she gave one last bitter remark "Maybe it was for the best when you left Kaidan to die on Virmire, so he wouldn't have to witness this! I don't know why he cared for you anymore"

Shepard was pissed that her old squad mate, own friend would accuse her of being a traitor but she understood where Ashley was coming from. Would Shepard be so willing to help a known terrorist group if her commanding officer had been dead for two years and was all of a sudden on the other team? She doubted it.

Two years. That fact still didn't sit well with her. It seemed like yesterday she was enjoying shore leave before heading back out to take care of anymore geth but it was two years ago. Two years and everything was different and she was still in the dark.

Soon Shepard sat at her private terminal in her cabin, just going through the motions and not even realizing what she was doing. She kept replaying the conversation in her head and barely realized she had turned on the computer. It was open to her messages with a blank window up to send, Ashley's name already typed on the screen. Shepard sighed as she typed away. Ashley was furious but at the moment Shepard could do nothing to fix their friendship. So she just typed a detailed explanation of how after two years she awoke on a Cerberus base with no choice but to help and how the Reapers were controlling the collectors. She finished her message with a sincere apology and sent it. She wasn't expecting a reply, not anytime soon anyway but she hoped the Alliance officer would read it and believe her, she needed someone to believe in her. At least she still had Garrus.

She glanced over at the end of her desk where a photo sat. She had discovered it when she rummaged through the crate Garrus had left her. It was a photo of her team during the hunt for Saren. She reached over and gently picked it up, the holo image bright and detailed. They had taken the picture in front of the Mako, down in the cargo hold.

_"What are we doing again?" the krogan sounded annoyed as he stood in the back, being one of the taller people after all. He had just been cleaning his gun when the Commander had dragged everyone into one spot. He didn't like this many people in close proximity to him._

_"We're taking a picture, dear Wrex" the Commander replied as she set up a tripod and adjusted her camera, a look of deep concentration on her face as she made the most miniscule adjustments to it._

_"Why?"_

_"Memories of course"_

_"No, I mean, why am I here? I'm not what you humans call photogenic" the krogan huffed, his armor plated chest sticking out just a tad in defiance and intimidation. He really didn't understand aliens sometimes, especially when it came to the human Spectre, you try to decipher her and you were bound to go crazy._

_"I like having photos of my friends. When I get old and senile in my retirement I want something to look back on, besides just look in a mirror and you'll see you have an award winning smile. So just stand next to Garrus... and try to look less disgruntled"_

"_I don't think that's possible for krogans" Garrus teased, Shepard noticed the turian had finally started to loosen up around people. Turns out that the hard working C-Sec officer had a funny side, not that Wrex thought it was all that funny._

"_Quiet, turian"_

_"Hurry up with that thing Skipper and get over here!" Ashley was fidgeting, she didn't do well with staying in one spot for too long because she was always ready and itching for the next fight. The man next to her however, was practically as stiff as a board. Kaidan apparently wasn't very photogenic either as he looked like a single word would have him bolt before the camera went off but he stood his ground._

"_Hold on, Ash. It has to be just right" once the timer was set and the angle to her liking, Shepard raced back to the group, skidding to a halt between Ashley and Kaidan as she spun on her heel to face the camera lens. She earned yelps of surprise from the two marines as she threw her arms over their necks, effectively putting them in headlocks and pulled them close to her with a large smile on her face "Say cheese!"_

_The quarian tilted her head in confusion, white orbs blinking behind a purple mask "Why would we…"_

_"Just say it, Tali" the Commander spoke around her smile, her face pulling a little strangely at the effort._

_"Why cheese?"_

_"I believe it's a human custom, used to force a smile when you finish off the word. I think it's one of their stranger... Ah!" the light flashed brightly in Liara's eyes and she moved to rub them when she heard the click of the photo being taken "Oops… I think I ruined the photo"_

"_Nonsense! The best photos are always the wackiest" Shepard released her hold on her friends, letting Kaidan step away to grab the camera, he flipped a switch to it to view the photo. He started laughing as he handed it off for Liara to see. _

"_She's right, priceless" the Lieutenant couldn't stop laughing at the photo. Unbeknownst to the Commander, Wrex had turned to the turian with a finger jabbed against Garrus' chest and said turian had raised his hands up in peace though his face held a bit of mischief in them. It was clear he had tried to mess with the krogan. Tali's head was still cocked to the side and a hand rested under her chin as though she was deep in thought. Liara's face was scrunched, one eye shut to keep the flare of the camera from blinding her, the other opened wide in surprise and her hands half way up to rub at her eyes. Ashley and Kaidan both gave an awkward smile as they were pulled close to the Commander who had one of the biggest smiles anyone had ever seen on her._

"_I want to see!" Tali squeezed next to the asari and giggled "Can I get a copy, Jean? Please?"_

Shepard glanced down as something warm hit the back of her hand "Fuck" she sighed as she reached for something to wipe the blood off with "I thought I was done with this"

The flashbacks had indeed started to recede but apparently not gone. She didn't think it would cause many problems, in fact it was mostly just annoying as she watched different degrees of worry from her friends' faces. Did they truly think she was incapable of taking care of herself? Granted she did die but to watch her every move just rubbed her the wrong way. Garrus was being the worst of the lot, probably because she saw more of him than Chakwas or Joker as the two usually stayed in their little sanctuaries while the turian roamed about freely. What made it worse was his mood swings. He'd be passive one second, aggressive the next, he'd go from laughing at her jokes to scowling at a wall and then fretting over her. What happened to his squad was eating at him and the look of vengeance always reached his eyes at the name Sidonis which is why she never brought up the topic of Omega, not that he would tell her much anyway.

Garrus tried his best to act like nothing was bothering him but an actor he was not. Shepard had known him long enough to know all his tells. His mandibles clenched tight against as mouth as he tried to come up with a sly response on the spot or when caught red-handed, his eyes stilled completely when he got nervous, and his right leg twitched when he had the urge to hit someone. It's how she always beat him at Skyllian Five poker but he never seemed to quit. Everywhere she turned she caught a glimpse of worry from him even when he tried to play it cool. It was touching that he cared so much, he was like a brother to her after all but she didn't need a babysitter, especially one on the verge of madness. If he wanted to help her he could start by helping himself. She wasn't ready to lose a friend and she be damned if that friend was Garrus but at the moment she had no idea what to do with him much like how he had no idea what to do with her.

After a while Shepard learned to school her features, which she was far better at than Garrus, and acted like she was completely aware of the current situation even though she was losing herself in the past. It would work too until blood dripped from her nose. She'd use a sleight of hand to wipe the blood away before anyone could notice but she couldn't keep the charade up forever. Either the memories would fade back into exactly that, memories, or she'd end up getting killed… again.

When she turned back to her computer she saw that twenty minutes had passed. She brushed off any worry before it could sprout and opened up the dossiers she'd been given. Two of them were on Illium, a drell assassin and asari Justicar, while the last was out on the fringes of the Milky Way. A smile grew on her lips as she read the name: Tali vas Neema. But as much as she wanted the quarian back by her side it was a far more logical choice to head for Illium first seeing as it was closer.

Just as she sent the coordinates to Joker a message popped up on her screen:

_Shepard, I need to speak with you privately. It's urgent._

_-Miranda_

This happened every time. As soon as Shepard ordered the ship out for a mission she got a lovely call from the Cerberus agent. Shepard would indulge the operative and ask what the problem was and each time the woman had the gall to tell her who she should bring, what was truly important, and make sure she wrote a complete report afterwards. Unless the woman had crashed into a bulkhead she should remember who it was she was talking to. Cerberus brought Shepard back, this was her mission, her crew, and no way in Hell was she going to take orders from Ms. Lawson. What was hysterical was that the woman was always surprised by how uncooperative Shepard was. So once again she decided to indulge the brunette and speak with her.

When the Commander arrived at the operative's office she was caught off guard by the open expression on the woman's face, she looked worried, even upset. Miranda tried to school her features, apparently not expecting the Commander so soon but it was too late, Shepard had seen her vulnerable.

_Just great, _Shepard thought bitterly. She had seen that sad look before on other, _if she starts crying I'm leaving._

"Shepard, I… I need a favor… if you'd please" something was definitely nagging at the operative if she had to resort to using please but the Commander listened intently anyway.

It seemed a simple enough favor, rescue her twin sister from a maniacal dictator or whatever. Move her sister and her family somewhere safe, a transport was already set up so the Commander just had to make sure everyone got there safely. No ties to Cerberus, a completely personal favor asked from a woman Shepard didn't see eye to eye with, but as much as she would have loved to say no to the women she found she couldn't. Miranda needed to stay focused for the mission and fretting over a sibling would not help but also, Shepard knew what it felt like to lose a sibling and she wouldn't let someone else feel that pain.

Besides, the mission shouldn't interfere with her recruitment as the move wasn't for a couple of days. The Commander figured she'd take one day to get the assassin, the next to get the Justicar, and the third rescuing some damsel while her crew got a bit of shore leave and if she was really lucky she'd get a day to herself. Then it occurred to her, she wasn't that lucky.

"You're bringing me along I hope"

Shepard turned to see Garrus walk into the armory, headed straight for his locker "And what makes you think I'm going anywhere?" she saw his mandibles clench tightly, meaning that she wouldn't like his real answer so she waited for him to bullshit.

"You're getting your gun" the turian shrugged, a human habit he seemed to have picked up.

"How do you know I'm not just getting it out to clean?" the mandibles tightened further "You hacked my computer again didn't you?"

"_Noooo"_

"_Liar"_

"_Okay, you got me. So what are we doing?" the teenager leaned over the fence with a mischievous smile on his face. The boy's short hair was a sandy blond, not much different from Jeanette's and his blue eyes danced with laughter "Hope it's as fun as last time"_

_Jeanette sighed as she looked at her older brother, after the disaster Jason made last time she wasn't taking him anywhere anytime soon. She could only stand her brother's presence for so long before he grew into too much of a hassle. She loved him, she really did but he never realized when he was crowding someone._

"I'm going to go recruit someone, _you_ are staying behind"

"What?"

"Look Garrus, I appreciate your help. You've volunteered for every mission but if you keep at it you're going to drive yourself into the ground. You're taking shore leave along with the rest of the crew"

"So who's going?"

"Jack and Kasumi. I haven't seen Jack in action yet and Kasumi says she's been getting bored"

"Jean, I really think that I should…"

"No. Sorry Garrus, girls' night out. And if you persist I will order you on a _forced_ shore leave. Understood?" the turian nodded before retreating the way he came, almost sulking, it was scary how much he reminded Shepard of her brother. She took a deep breath as she hoped the blood hadn't dripped from her nose while under the turian's gaze.

Garrus hadn't seen the blood. He smelled it, something he long since memorized, which was something he should probably categorize as a bad thing. If Garrus was being left out of a mission he had to find another way to keep an eye on his friend. Garrus didn't trust the crazy biotic to watch Shepard's back even for a second. The tattooed woman scared him a little and if she wanted to she could rip the Normandy to shreds with her biotics, meaning he had to talk with Kasumi. With a bit of luck she would agree to watch for any signs that Shepard was not entirely there while on the mission. The thief had an excellent perception, able to see the tiniest of movements, she also knew how to stay silent so Shepard would never find out. He'd be dead meat otherwise.


	7. To Find an Assassin, Follow the Gunfire

**Chapter 7**

_"Does anybody see him?"_

Shepard chuckled lightly under her breath as she listened to her radio, the chatter almost frantic and agitated. She loved it when the mercs were stupid enough to leave their comms on open channels, it meant she knew where they were and what they were up to and at the moment it seemed that they were aware of the assassin in the complex, just not where. Throughout the towers she been getting mixed reports about the assassin's location and began to wonder if the Eclipse mercs were purposefully misleading her but now she was positive that they were all just incompetent. It almost seemed like the assassin wanted to get caught seeing as they knew he was at the towers despite their lack of coordination or maybe he knew Shepard was there and was putting on a good show. Or maybe he was practically sending the mercs her way to slow her down. Either way it looked like the man was moving fast so Shepard was going to have to pick up the pace before he disappeared.

_"I think someone saw him on one of the lower levels... Agh!"_

Shepard heard a strange clanking and banging sound, as though something was beating its way through the air ducts above her. As she continued walking a gust of wind hit her back and a loud crunching sound like broken bones was heard shortly after. She turned on her heel to see a dead merc just a couple feet from her, his limbs snapped at odd angles, a leg snapped forward, an arm snapped back and the head twisted to the side. A gruesome sight but the Spectre had seen far worse in her time in the Alliance. Shepard walked over to the dead body, assuming he was the one who had all of a sudden screamed on over the comm. The dead merc had almost landed on her and she glanced up through a service tunnel she suspected the body fell from. She saw a green figure, the features hard to make out in the shadows, staring down at her with what looked like a smirk gracing his lips.

"Watch where you're throwing mercs around! I'm walking here!" she could have sworn she heard a faint chuckle from the green figure before it disappeared in a blur "It's not a race you know!" she shouted up through the tunnel. Her only reply was the sound of more mercs being taken out over the radio.

"I think our assassin believes otherwise, Shep" piped up the hooded thief, her painted lips pulled in a smile as she followed the Commander's gaze up the duct.

"Maybe we should give him a run for his money" Jack readied her shotgun with a threatening gleam in her eyes as the sounds of footsteps grew closer, followed by shouts and orders.

Shepard snapped her fingers "Alright ladies, time to get this show on the road"

Shepard and Kasumi engaged their stealth modes to sneak around to flank the enemies as Jack distracted the mercs, her biotics flaring everywhere and causing nothing but chaos. This worked well until they came across a narrow hallway filled with mercs and mechs. When one went down it seemed to just be replaced by another and another. The narrow hall made it difficult to get any leverage on the mercs but luckily it worked both ways as their large numbers didn't help much besides slow them. They ducked behind crates waiting for the firing to ease up. Shepard ordered Jack to take the mercs with her biotics after Kasumi overloaded their shields while Shepard herself tried to rewrite the mechs targeting but every time they killed enough enemies to move forward they encountered more not ten feet later.

All the gunshots were probably acting like a beacon drawing all the mercenaries right to them leaving the assassin with an opening to get to Nassana and flee. Shepard was not about to let the man get away so easily meaning it was time for some improvising. Shepard took a quick glance from behind the crate and saw explosives near a large window with a half dozen mercs standing just close enough to get caught in the blast radius should they go off.

"Goto, I need a distraction so get the disco ball out. Jack, I'm about to light up the dance floor, if any of our partners are still standing kick them out of the club"

Kasumi tossed a flash grenade over the crate in the middle of the hired thugs blinding them and at the sound of its bang Shepard drew herself out of cover and shot out her incineration at the barrels before jumping back behind cover. As soon as the fire reached the barrels they exploded and the glass window shattered and the screams of dying men filled the room. One glance around and Shepard saw most of them had been taken out by the explosion but a few still stood in front of the window staggering with fire licking up their limbs. From the corner of her eye she saw Jack leap over some crates and her biotics flared to life sending the remaining enemies through the broken window to plummet to their death hundreds of feet below. The Commander moved from cover once the coast was clear and gave the area another sweep with her eyes as her companions moved about. Blowing up a building wasn't usually her style, despite what the Council believed, but it was effective. Everyone in the building knew where they were but still effective.

"You've got a strange way of giving orders, Shepard" Jack said as she kicked a dead merc over the ledge to join the rest below on the busy streets of Illium. The cops probably loved the Commander right now with the entire cleanup she was giving them. Shepard just hoped they got out of the Dantius Towers before the authorities came. Not everyone appreciated a Spectre in the Terminus system.

"You complaining?"

A sinister smile crept its way on the tattooed woman's face "Nope"

"Let's go before more show up"

The girls raced through the tower coming across several salarian workers locked away in rooms, all of them scared and jittery. They claimed someone had herded them in and locked it before they heard the sounds of people dying, most likely the mercs that the team found near the doors. Whoever the assassin was he didn't let innocents get in the middle of his mission opting to find a path around them instead of through, something Shepard approved of, it was something Cerberus didn't bother to do. You stepped in between Cerberus and their goal and you were as good as dead for all they cared. It was a little strange though, Shepard wasn't an expert on assassins but she never heard of them protecting civilians. Maybe the Illusive Man was starting to understand how she worked a mission and was giving her more competent people to fight. Now just to get the assassin's attention before he killed his target and left. So the salarians told her that Nassana, the assassin's target, was in the penthouse on the other tower. They would have to take the elevator and cross the bridge to get there.

The bridge however was not easy to navigate through. Mercs crawled the length of it and if the girls weren't careful they would get blown off, the winds strong up so high and surviving a fall from their height was impossible, most likely they'd end up a pretty red smear on someone's windshield. They made it half way across the bridge when Shepard heard the whistling sound of a rocket. She ducked behind a stack of heavy steel crates and felt them reverberate when the rocket impacted. Shepard tried to look around the corner but as soon as she did she saw another rocket headed for her. She drew back and the sound of creaking came from the crates protecting her, they could only take a few more hits but Shepard could only determine the shots were being fired from a higher position. She activated her cloak as she pulled out her sniper and rounded the corner. She scoped out two turrets and shot one of them down before her stealth mode ended.

She went back behind cover trying to figure out how to get the last turret. She wasn't close enough to overload its systems and she didn't have time to wait for her stealth to recharge. She put away her sniper and pulled out the Viper rifle she had come across. Before she could use it though she saw a blur run past her position. She risked a glance to see Jack firing on the mercs still on the bridge and was either unaware of the turret or just didn't care. Shepard ran out of cover and aimed at the turret firing in quick succession just as the turret launched another rocket but it was too late to stop a rocket from leaving the barrel. Shepard pounced on the crazed biotic as the remaining rocket propelled toward them. The two fell to the ground, Shepard covering the smaller woman's body.

"_Damn it, look out!" the rocket whizzed just over head, colliding with some crates and sending shrapnel everywhere. Shepard curled her body around her less armored squad mate to protect her from the sharp pieces of flying metal. Shepard faintly heard the sounds of more explosions surrounding them. They were stuck in a tough spot and it sure as hell didn't help when her team didn't look where they were going. The geth refused to let up and Shepard already had one teammate unconscious, she was not about to add another one to the list. The attack caught them all by surprise and Garrus had hit the ground before the Commander knew it. Now it was just her and Tali. The quarian might have been given training before leaving the Flotilla but it's not the same as being on the battlefield._

"_Stay down!" she barked as she leapt from cover and aimed. It was risky but she couldn't pray and wait for the geth to cease fire. Bullets soared past her head and hit her shields which flickered on and off, its power low, as she lined her sniper up with her target. She fired, loaded and fired again until the AI crumpled to the floor. She ducked back down before any bullets could get past her shields._

"I didn't need your help!" Jack barked as she reached for her fallen gun.

"You're welcome!" Shepard climbed off the fuming woman, ignoring the stream on insults and continued forward firing her new Viper in quick succession as she took out as many of the thugs as she could before reaching the safety of more crates.

_This assassin ought to be worth it because damn is this getting annoying fast, _Shepard groaned inwardly as she heard a door open releasing more mercs for them to fight. Luckily it seemed to be the last batch that ran out of the Penthouse as the group finished them off. Shepard was about to walk up the stairs as she felt a small hand clasp around her wrist. She turned a quizzical look to the thief, her face unreadable, eyes hidden beneath her hood. Just as she was about to question Kasumi the thief held out a handkerchief and waved a hand toward Shepard's face.

The Commander took it, giving the woman a curt nod and rubbed the cloth beneath her nose before continuing ahead into the Penthouse, not bothering to look down at the blood that coated the cloth. As soon as the doors slid open the team was greeted by a small band of mercs surrounding the asari, Nassana, with weapons poised and ready to shoot. Shepard was about to fire on them until Nassana raised a hand to stop her hired mercenaries.

"Shepard? I thought you were dead"

The Commander smirked at the unoriginal line, it was the first thing that came out of everyone's mouth "I got better"

"And now you're here to kill me, just like you killed my sister. Is this suppose to be some sort of justice?"

"Nah, just bitter irony. Your policy really shouldn't be 'kill family and employees first, ask questions later.' I hear it's bad for business" Shepard swore she heard a faint yet deep chuckle as the asari glared at her from the opposite side of the desk. Chatting with this woman irked her every time ever since she had been tricked into killing the asari's own sister. She ignored Nassana's expression when she heard a faint banging from above in the air ducts. Nassana barked at the mercs who had started to get nervous apparently unable to tell where the noise had come from. The woman cursed before ordering them to check the exits as she turned back to Shepard.

"How much?" the asari demanded.

"Excuse me?"

"Whatever they paid you to kill me I'll double it"

"I'm not here to kill you, you over paranoid piece of trash"

"Then why are you here?" Nassana yelled, voice almost hysterical. It was clear the woman was fed up with the Spectre but Shepard couldn't care less.

"I'm looking for the person who _is_ here to kill you"

The asari growled at the human Spectre "After I kill this assassin I will deal with you personally!" Just then a shadow fell from the ceiling and snapped the neck of a merc before spinning around to grab a gun from another one's hands shooting it off at the rest and turned to Nassana. The pistol was shoved in her stomach and a single shot was fired. The green blur that had danced about the room slowed as he gently lowered the woman on to her desk and clasped his hands in front of him.

_So this is a drell? _Shepard thought as she gave a long whistle at the quick assassin, impressed by his speed and skill. He stood in front of the window, the warm orange glow of the sun setting behind him with his head bowed. His green and black scales glittered in the light and his red crests on the side of his face helped add a shadow hiding the man's face. If she didn't know any better she'd think she was reading one of those sappy romances where the hero saves the day just in time to ride off into the sunset. She hated those books the most, they were too gooey for her tastes and way too unbelievable. Shepard believed in love but all those books were written to make everything sound perfect. Now wasn't the time to think about stupid romance books, right now an assassin stood before her.

Shepard guessed by the pose that the man was praying, though not religious herself she knew many who were and respected their beliefs. So instead of interrupting him she walked forward to take a seat in one of the leather office chairs at the desk crossing her legs at the knee and waited for the man to look up.

Jack however was not as patient "You just gonna ignore us lizard boy?"

Shepard saw the man's brows furrow and right before he could say anything the Commander replied for him "He's praying"

The assassin threw her a surprised look but quickly smoothed his emotions over, continuing his neutral expression "Correct. I apologize but prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken" came the deep rumbling reply of the assassin.

"For that bitch?" Jack growled.

"Not for her. For me" with that the man proceeded to walk around the table, a hand grazing the top of the desk. The sun hit the woman casually reclining in the chair. He continued to speak "The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone. Take you for instance, all this destruction… chaos"

He froze as he looked into the human's eyes. _Sunset eyes defiant in the scope._ He shook the memory from his head quickly as he gave the woman another look. The woman's eyes did not actually resemble a sunset, it was merely the lighting from the sun behind him. The blonde haired woman met his gaze evenly and he saw that her eyes were a deep blue, deep like the sea. The sunset danced in her eyes making the sea look as though it was on fire and he saw an equal fire in the woman's aura, truly a woman not to mess with. However she kept a cool exterior and a welcoming smile on her face.

He had heard the rumors about Commander Shepard's prowess and her rise into the ranks of Spectre and he got to see just how true those rumors were. Though his objective was to kill Nassana as quickly and silently as possible he could not help but watch the human plow through the building, explosions and gun fire ringing throughout the towers. At first he assumed that she was there to kill him until he saw her firing on the mercenaries and rescuing the salarian workers. She worked fast, racing from one side of the room to another, quick to switch from long to close range weapons, and was innovative though loud. He preferred to get things done quietly and he suspected she did too but she didn't have any luck. Though her fighting skills proved the rumor true it was clear that not all of the rumors were accurate including the one where the woman in front of him was supposed to be dead. Certain he was not looking at a ghost he surmised that journalists only made the story up to get a rise out of the public but regardless that was not important. What was important was why this woman was looking for him.

"I was curious to see how far you'd go to find me. Well, here I am"

"So I see" Shepard drawled as the assassin stopped in front of the gun Jack still held out. He didn't seem particularly worried about the crazy biotic but the Commander could see she was still itching to shoot someone. Shepard gave swift nod and a frown at the biotic. Jack reluctantly lowered her shotgun. They needed the assassin and making him feel unwelcome was not a great start to their relationship.

"What can I do for you?" he asked politely, turning once more toward Shepard.

"Ever heard of the Collectors?"

"By reputation"

"They're kidnapping human colonists, most likely for the Reapers, and I plan on stopping them. Cerberus recommended you"

"Cerberus?"

"Yep" the unusually quiet thief finally spoke up from behind the biotic "I bet the pro-human group is pulling their own teeth each time Shep here recruits an alien"

"What can I say? I love driving them mad mind you they are the ones sending them to me. Now that I think about it seems of" the Commander shook her head, she was changing the subject "So will you help? Cerberus has an offer waiting on the table if you want compensation"

"Stopping the Collectors would mean going through the Omega-4 Relay and nobody has come back alive. It's suicide"

"That's what they said about Ilos" Shepard smirked at the thought.

"True. You've made a career on performing the impossible" the man strode back to face the window as he contemplated the woman's words "This was to be my last mission. I'm dying"

Shepard was caught off guard by the blunt statement, not many liked to share such details and if they did they were usually looking for pity maybe even empty someone's pocket. She knew that was not the case for the assassin. She stood and walked next to the assassin "I'm sorry"

The man was surprised by the Commander's tone. He expected pity or for her to ask if he had a disease but she didn't "I'm trying to make the world a bit brighter before I die and saving your colonists seems like the noble thing to do. I will join you" he turned and firmly shook the woman's hand and hastily added "Free of charge"

"Welcome aboard, Thane Krios" the woman smiled, eyes still alit with fire from the sunset "I suggest you buckle up for a bumpy ride"


	8. Driven Mad by Sand

**Chapter 8**

Pain lanced through Jeanette's head, her eyes and ears unfocused. Her head was pounding as she felt the room move left and right. It felt as though her brain was trying to beat its way out through the back of her skull. Screams rang throughout the room, or maybe shouts? Jeanette wasn't sure as the sounds did not form coherent words, merely sounding like low, guttural noises from an animal. Either way, they only caused more agony, her head aching worse as the loud noises dug their way through her brain. Her eyes constantly opened and closed but she saw nothing but blurred shapes. One minute a green figure had loomed over her before being replaced by a blue and then a black one but the figures disappeared from view. Now the only thing she saw was changing colors, first a sterile white and then an orange glow. Every couple of seconds, pain shot up through her spine, her veins lit on fire as a blue and blinding glow surrounded her every now and again. The blue light only hurt her eyes so she willed them to stay closed as she frantically tried to figure out what was going on.

She had been sent on a mission, something important but she could not remember it for the life of her. What was she doing? Where did this pain keep coming from? Why did it feel as though she was floating through the air? All these questions escaped her. She dug through her thoughts furiously, trying to find the answers but her memory lingered just beyond her grasp, taunting her with forbidden knowledge. She had to figure out what was going on. What if she was sent to save someone? They would die if Shepard could not will her body to work. She could barely move, a limb twitching in response as she tried to stand. She was not even certain she was not standing. She could be of little use to anyone in this state and panic filled at the thought of letting someone die when she could prevent it. She struggled again to move her body but something firm, something strong was keeping her limbs pinned to her side and her body pinned to a wall. A wall that seemed to be moving.

Another shout rang out as more pain lanced through her body, the faint glow of blue shining through closed eyelids. She was faintly aware of the warm feel of blood on her side but it did not burn as much as the fire boiling in her veins. She struggled against whatever restraints held her but they did not budge, in fact they tightened. More shouting and Shepard began to fear the worst.

"Someone alert Dr. Chakwas! Shepard's down!" Thane held the woman securely in his arms as he raced onto the Normandy, the Justicar, Samara and Kasumi pushing crewmembers aside to allow Thane quick access to the elevator. The woman was surprisingly light, even in her full body armor. A small mercy thought Thane as it granted him much needed speed. The woman's body shook violently as uncontrolled biotics swarmed through the air. Samara stayed close to the assassin's side, using her own biotics to keep the untapped power under control but there was too much for even her to keep in check.

The day after joining the Commander on her suicidal mission she had requested his aid to see just how skilled he was with a team. He agreed and joined her and the thief on Illium in search of another possible recruit. The three had come across the powerful biotic while she was in the middle of an investigation. As authorities arrived to detain the woman, fore she had caused fear and panic amongst the locals, Shepard had suggested a deal. While the Justicar stayed in the station with law enforcement Shepard would continue her investigation for her. In exchange, the Justicar would join the human Spectre's cause. The asari agreed. Samara suggested they speak to a volus merchant. He informed them that the Eclipse mercs were not too thrilled with him as he had handed them many crates of highly concentrated Minagen X3, which made it very, very explosive. A man dealing in illegal goods did not usually reveal such information but Shepard had practically made the man shit in his environment suit and she had no other evidence to have him tried anyway. The volus also warned them of the effects the drugs had. It boosted the powers of any biotic and granted biotics to those who did not possess the power normally. Shepard ordered Kasumi and Thane to keep a mask on just in case they came in unwanted contact with the drug. Shepard did want to take any risks.

It was a good idea to issue the order because as soon as they entered the mercs' headquarters the mercenaries had used their biotics to toss the volatile crates at the crew. For the most part, they stayed clear of the drug but often found themselves cornered. They would take cover as soon as they saw the crates fly toward them but as the crates exploded it left a thick cloud, reducing visibility. On occasion, Shepard took a deep breath before charging through the cloud, testing just how well her mask worked and it worked exceptionally it seemed. Until Thane slipped up, that is. They had just reached the office that held all the shipping manifests, but the leader of the Eclipse stood in the way with a band of her lackeys. Though the masks filtered out most of the addictive drug it didn't filter it all out. Small amounts of it had made it into his lungs, making him dizzy and boosting his biotic powers. He had to keep some of his attention on keeping the stronger biotic power under control, it was just enough of his attention that he had not seen the crate headed his way. When he finally spotted the crate he was too late to do anything, the drug slowing his reaction and the dizzying affect making it hard to even figure out which direction was best to move in.

Before even knowing what was happening, the assassin felt himself hit a wall. He turned to see that Shepard had taken the blunt of the blow, the crate slamming into the Spectre, knocking the air from her lungs. The crate exploded, the drug spreading through the air. He faintly heard her inhale a breath of air as she stumbled back a step. All the mercs had turned their attention to her in her small moment of vulnerability even though they could not truly see the human in the red cloud. Bullets shot through the cloud, some whizzing past the woman while the rest hit her square in the chest. Her shields fizzled out just as she regained her footing but a lone bullet had caught her in the side, piercing her armor before she had found cover. Minagen X3 found its way into the pierced metal, crawling into her body and flowed through her bloodstream. Once behind cover she slapped medi-gel onto the wound to stop the bleeding but sealing the drug in her system. Fortune seemed to smile on them as it was not long before the last of the mercenaries were killed. Thane watched the Commander stagger on her feet but other than that, she showed no signs of weakness. The woman merely kept going.

The team had made their way to the station and every now again, Thane saw the thief turn her attention to the Commander, a look of worry in her hooded eyes. She was looking for something, watching Commander's every move for some sign but he didn't think she worried for the same reason he did. The woman only looked at Shepard's face, as though something would just appear. Shepard herself, either didn't notice the looks or chose to ignore them. Once they reached the station, Shepard had immediately given the name of the ship the Justicar's criminal had taken refuge on and handed over a data pad to the head officer that proved that the volus merchant dealt in illegal trade of red sand. That's when he noticed her twitchy stance. Her face grew pale and sweaty, eyes were dilated, and then a blue glow sparked from her fingertips. Her face contorted into pain as the biotics flared without warning. He could see the woman do her best to keep the power under control but someone who had never had to deal with it before could not possibly keep it up with so much of the drug running through her body. Shepard collapsed onto her hands and knees, clenching her teeth to keep from screaming. Then she could no longer keep herself up as she fell to her side and the biotics flared once more. Each burst of energy was stronger than the last.

That's how they ended up here, on the Normandy, rushing to get the woman help. She had stayed conscious the whole way there but whether she was aware of where they were was uncertain. She would struggle in his arms and in response he tightened his grip to keep the blonde woman from hurting herself or anyone else. As soon as the elevators reached the crew deck they were greeted by the turian, Garrus, who was emitting a dangerously low growl before his eyes went wide when more biotics filled the air. The burst sent a small shockwave, staggering everyone back a step.

"What the Hell happened?" the turian growled as Samara tried to keep the biotic force to a minimum.

"Long story" Kasumi stepped forward, hands held out to calm the blue eyed turian and her voice dead serious "Let's help Shep first and then we can chat about it over dinner"

The man's eyes grew soft when he looked upon the groaning woman as he stepped out of Thane's path. The doors to the med lab were already open, both Chakwas and Mordin standing at the ready with many instruments laid out on a tray. His eyes strayed back down to the woman in his arms, he could smell the cold sweat that covered her skin. He was taken aback when sea blue eyes snapped open. The woman first noticed the doctors and the tools spread out. Her eyes widened in fear before her gaze turned up toward him, her eyes piercing the deepest part of his soul, almost begging for some sort of nightmare to end. He saw a trickle of blood run from her nose right before a strong armored fist connected with the side of his face.

_Jeanette punched the alien square in the face, catching it off guard. Its hold on her loosened and she pushed away from the alien to fall to the floor. One glance up at the other four eyed creatures showed that they were not expecting her to resist. The multitude of tools arranged on the blood covered tray sent a shiver down the woman's spine and she soon felt sick. _

_Now she remembered what was happening, her home was under attack by slavers and they were rounding up young and healthy humans to use. There had been so many rumors about batarian slavers attacking colonies of different races but no one thought Mindoir would be hit so when the ships landed everyone was in a panic, even the local authorities were scrambling about. Jeanette had run out of the house when she heard her older brother's scream of pain. Two of the aliens had taken a needle to his neck and now the teenager lay unconscious in their hold. They spotted her, waving some nearby batarians toward her as they called in some strange language she couldn't understand. _

_She didn't know what possessed her but the sight of the aliens dragging her brother away to be some slave had drove her to charge them. She had landed a kick right to the creature's groin before spinning around to punch the other one in the jaw. Screams rang out through the colony but Jeanette ignored all of them, only focusing on saving her brother. Her fighting didn't last long though as an alien had come from behind and drugged her. They had carried her off, the drug keeping her in a semiconscious state. The drug had begun to wear off as the batarians reached their destination. Finally able to keep her eyes open she determined that she was in one of her neighbors' house. It looked as though it had been turned into a temporary medical room. Two of the four eyed creatures stood wearing a white garb, blood spattered on it and then her gaze lingered on the sharp implements on a table._

_She had nightmares as a little kid about aliens attacking her home, the dreams filled from various rumors. Slavers were known for getting a slave to do what they want two ways. If you were lucky they would take a sharp needle to your brain and make you a zombie, no more pain or feeling. If you weren't so lucky you were forced to wear a collar that they used to electrocute you when you got out of line or they did it just for the amusement. _

_She turned her gaze upward to see the fiend who was holding her in his arms. She wasn't going with them. She was not going to be a slave. She would rather die first so she had hit the alien in the side of his face. Now though, all the batarians had surrounded her, leaving no room to run out the door._

"Shepard! You need to calm down" Chakwas tried to gently approach the Commander but the blonde haired woman had turned her fierce gaze on her just about to kick the doctor in the leg had Mordin not pulled Chakwas away in time.

"Don't' think she understands" Mordin hastily replied as his omni-tool scanned the crazed woman over "Believe she is reliving past event. Need to sedate her"

The woman's face dropped when he said that as she tried to turn back to the exit but pain rippled through her again, the biotics flaring under her uncontrolled emotions. The wave of energy shot most of the room's occupants into the wall and sending the medical equipment about the place.

"She'll blow this ship apart!" one of the assistants yelled.

_Still surrounded the teenage girl launched herself at one of the aliens, punching it in the gut. She kicked another in the shin. Jeanette saw her chance to flee after she had sent most of her attackers sprawling to the floor. She took off running but the door to the building opened to reveal a batarian standing behind a man with a collar on. The man's face was hidden in shadows. He stepped into the light and the teenage girl felt her heart sink to the bottom of her chest. It was Jason, her brother, with one of those damned control collars on. _

"Jason!" that was all the Commander could say before a needle pierced her neck, sending a sleep drug into her system, blood still dripping from her nose. Thane had been able to sneak up behind her as she stared in horror and disbelief at the turian who had come charging into the med lab as he heard the commotion as he had been ordered to stay out of the doctors' way. He lifted the woman into his arms again as she slumped against his chest. He laid her on one of the beds before hastily stepping away to allow the doctor's to examine her. The drug did the trick as the woman was out like a light and the biotics ceased while she lay unconscious.

The assistants shooed everyone out of the room, the door closing and locking before them. The turian turned back to the three who had been on the planet, another growl leaving him "What the _Hell_ happened?"

It was hours before Jeanette stirred. Her eyes slowly opened as they tried to adjust to the bright light. She laid there as she tried to figure out where she was. It was the Normandy, she was on her ship. Wait, her ship? No, that wasn't right, there was an attack, batarian slavers. _Ah shit_ the Commander groaned inwardly. It was another flashback. She prayed that it was just while she was sleeping, merely a bad dream but as she sat up she took a look around the medical bay. Broken tools were set aside on a small table, one of the windows was cracked, and she saw an assistant with an ice pack on his leg. _Double shit_ the Commander groaned as her head still felt a tad dizzy and an ache slid up her side. It wasn't a dream, she smashed her own ship up. She faintly saw the form of a pacing turian past the tinted glass, talons tightened into fists.

The assistant noticed the Commander clutching her head and immediately called for Dr. Chakwas. The woman soon appeared in front of the Commander with a scanner in her hand and worry in her eyes "Well, you look better"

"Bet I'm not gonna win any beauty pageants any time soon though" The doctor gave a chuckle.

"Perhaps not. Do you remember anything?"

"I remember Eclipse mercs, red sand, and... well, not much else. Did I... do anything... bad?" Chakwas sat on the edge of the bed and told the Commander everything she knew and saw.

"I punched him?" When the woman nodded, Shepard sighed "First day aboard the ship and I punch him. That's just _lovely_. How do I explain that one?"

"I don't know. Just so you know, Miranda ordered that Kelly come and see you when you woke up"

"Let me guess, she's going to be checking my sanity level? How long do I have before she gets here?" Just then the doors to the med bay slide open, the red haired therapist stepped through with a smile on her face and a datapad in hand.

"How are you feeling, Commander?"

Shepard didn't need this, didn't _want_ this. She was perfectly fine, except for that whole almost blowing her own ship up with biotics. Maybe if she tried being a smart ass long enough the woman would get annoyed enough to leave "Like I got shot" Nope, that didn't work as Kelly Chambers only gave a smirk. The therapist had dealt with worst patients than Shepard it seemed.

Kelly spent an hour asking the Commander questions of how she felt emotionally, if she knew where she was and so on. Shepard grudgingly answered every question except one. Kelly asked what she had remembered, where she thought she was once she was aboard the SR-2. Shepard didn't bother answering, as it was personal and none of the woman's business. She stood up and politely excused herself from the repeated question and she did not stop until she had made it into the mess hall. It was late at night and only two people were in the hall. The assassin, Thane Krios, sat at one of the tables facing the med bay, his eyes flicking toward her as she left the room. Garrus stopped pacing as he heard the doors open. He took three long strides toward his Commander, and much to her surprise, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. It was true that the two of them were close friends but they didn't usually show any displays of affection. She could count the number of times they hugged on one hand. The turian's grip tightened as she squirmed a little, his grip making breathing difficult.

"You're... squishing me" Shepard was barely able to let the words pass her lips, the noise muffled against the man's armor "Can't... breathe"

Garrus let go, taking a step back from the woman "Sorry! I... I just... are you okay?"

"A little dizzy and my skin itches but otherwise I'm fine. Doctor says the last of the drug should leave my system by the morning" Shepard watched the turian's mandibles twitch as though he had something else to say but he only gave a nod "You should get some sleep, you look like a zombie"

"What about you?"

"I've been asleep for hours. Anymore and I don't think I'll wake up" His eyes grew wide at her comment but before he could say anything Shepard stepped in "Kidding! Just kidding, Garrus. I think I'll make myself some tea. Now off to bed with you" Before the man could protest he had been turned around and pushed toward the main battery where he had set up a cot.

Once the doors closed behind the turian, Shepard glanced back at the drell who had not left his spot at the table. His hands were clasped in front of him, lingering just in front of his mouth with his elbows on the table. She took a seat across from him. For someone she had punched he looked mostly fine. There was some swelling near his left eye but the bruise was not nearly as visible as if it had been on human skin. His scales were a slightly darker color where she had hit him, the only discoloration to show a bruise. Normally, Shepard never felt awkward talking to people or apologizing but then again she didn't usually apologize for punching people. They usually deserved it.

"Sorry… about your face" Shepard waved her hand, indicating the swelling.

"It is I who should be asking for forgiveness. Had I paid better attention to my surroundings the Minagen would not have entered your body. My first mission under your command and I have already failed you. It will not happen again"

"It's not your fault Krios, I'm just too nice. I'm always pushing people out of the way of drug filled containers. Saving damsels in distress is part of my job description" A smirk tried to form on the man's lips but fell short as he winced in pain, the bruise more painful than it looked "Wait here" Shepard got to her feet and wandered over to the kitchen, searching the freezer before coming across what she sought. She returned to the drell's side quietly. The man flinched as she placed an ice pack to his cheek. Whether the flinch was from her proximity, the cold, or the fact he had not heard her return was unknown. The man reached his hand up, warm scaled fingers brushing against Jeanette's as he held the pack firmly to his cheek. She noticed the mostly empty cup in front of the man, the familiar smell of tea wafting up from it. She turned back to the kitchen only to return with a cup and her strawberry teapot filled with steaming tea. Sitting across from the man once more, she poured herself a cup before offering the drell some.

"Thank you" Thane pulled the mug toward him, taking a deep sniff of the tea. It smelled delicious but there seemed to be a spice in it he could not place. He took a cautious sip, the warm liquid washing down the back of his throat. He had never had anything like it before and he found he very much enjoyed the taste "What's in it?"

"Vanilla. Oh, shoot" Shepard frowned at her cup before retreating to the kitchen one last time, returning with a spoon and a small white jar "Forgot the sugar, want any?"

"No thank you, the tea is quite delicious on its own. Where did you acquire it?"

"Small shop on the Citadel, you'd miss it unless you were looking for it. I can show you the next time we're there if you like" The woman sent him a warm smile, drawing a similar smile from the assassin.

"I think I would like that"


	9. Orange Glow

**Chapter 9**

"We might not always see eye to eye Ms. Lawson but you're still a part of my crew. You needed help and I wasn't about to turn my back on an eighteen-year-old girl"

The Cerberus operative slowly stood and walked around her desk until she was just a foot from the Commander. A sincere smile pulled on her lips as she stared at the woman with deep blue eyes "Thank you, I know I've said that already but I mean it and please, call me Miranda"

"Keep acting like that and I might actually take a liking to you… _Miranda_" Shepard extended her hand until the brunette took it and gave a friendly shake "But if you go over board and hug me I'm immediately going to think you're ill and send for Doctor Chakwas"

Miranda chuckled, her head shaking in amusement "Well, I for one think we've both had a rough day and deserve a break. You should use what's left of shore leave and relax"

"Wish I could" Shepard lifted a few datapads that had been in her other hand, a wistful look on her face "but I haven't even started my last three mission reports. Have to get these done if we want any funding from yo-hey!"

The warm smile was replaced by a mischievous smirk from the operative as she snatched the pads away. The woman hid them behind her back as Jeanette tried to reach for them "I owe you one, so how about I do these for you? Go have some fun" With that said, Miranda turned back to her desk.

"I'm serious about calling the doctor" the Commander warned, though it was mostly playfully as she walked out the door only receiving a short chuckle from the woman. The change in attitude from the Cerberus operative caught the Commander off guard but it felt like a nice change of pace. The woman might be some cocky, genetically engineered to be perfect bitch but she was still human and she proved it in front of the Commander even though it was clear that she didn't want to. Miranda took her emotions as a sign of weakness but Shepard thought it showed her strengths. It takes a lot for you to let someone else see who you are and it doesn't always end well. Shepard appreciated the trust she'd been given and hoped she could return it.

Her first stop was to the med bay where she slid inside silently. She sighed in relief as it appeared that Chakwas had taken shore leave like the rest of the crew. Lucky for Jeanette, she knew where the good doctor kept her quick acting pain relievers. She felt much better than she had when she had woken up earlier that day but her side and head still hurt, that and her skin still itched from the side effects of the addictive Minagen X3. Gunfire throughout the cargo bay on Illium hadn't exactly cured the throbbing at the base of her skull. She took a small bottle of the pills before slipping back out the doors. She halted at the sight of a looming blue figure before her.

Garrus stood before her in civilian clothing, a rare sight, with a glint in his eye "Got a minute, Jean?"

Something about the look in his eye put her on alert, along with the turian's grin. The Commander looked down at the bottle in her hands and gave it a small shake. By the sound it was half-full. _Why do I think I need a bigger bottle?_ Jeanette thought as she looked back up "What do you need?"

Shepard had regretted those words as soon as they left her mouth, well mostly regretted but either way she could do nothing about it. Her decision led her to only more gunfire ringing through the closed space. She hadn't been sure what she was going to do with her free time but this certainly was not on the top of her list. Her companions seemed to be enjoying themselves, however. Garrus and Joker practically hooted in excitement as explosions went off and lights blared throughout the room. Part of her just wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. Joker always complained how Garrus had a stick up his ass, which was true if you didn't get to know him, and Garrus equally complained about Joker's lack of seriousness. They either avoided each other or pulled pranks that got on everyone's nerves. Yet, here the two were, on either side of Jeanette sharing in taunts as gunfire continued to rain down. Lights flared, almost blinding her and she had to blink a couple of times to clear her vision.

She still couldn't believe that they had convinced her to watch _Blasto: The First Hanar Spectre._ When Garrus suggested a movie, Jeanette had immediately refused. She didn't tell him it was because she wasn't sure she could deal with the surround sound with her headache, she just politely said no. Joker, as usual, had been eavesdropping on the conversation and told her to get off the ship like a normal person and party to which she replied "Coming from the man who never leaves the cockpit and practically sleeps in the pilot seat. I'll leave this ship when you do, mister"

He responded "Deal" and before she could truly realize what the pilot had said she had the turian dragging her along to the airlock. She got the feeling that the two had plotted this out together from the beginning. They would deny it but that would probably just make her more suspicious of them.

It wasn't that bad she supposed, _Blasto _certainly sounded better than her other two choices: _An Elcor Hamlet _or _Akuze_. Who ever thought it was a good idea to make a movie about the deaths of her marines needed a good smack to the head but she wasn't going to dwell on it. Her friends did this for her and she wasn't going to ruin it by falling into bad memories again. Besides, the pain pills worked for the most part and she got to relax with her old friends. It was encouraging that Garrus hadn't sat there staring into space thinking about revenge. The looks and energy that came off him were similar when they were chasing down Dr. Saleon or Heart, whatever his name was, and those feelings scared her some. It felt like he learned nothing working with her but she understood, better than anyone in fact, she just had to wait for the right moment to talk to him. Now wasn't the time though, now she would just enjoy the rest of the movie. Moments like these were rare and she wasn't about to squander her shore leave.

The three left after another hour, joking to each as they finished off their snacks before Joker turned to her. He took a second to study her face before speaking "Hey, Jean, you alright?"

"What? Oh, I'm fine, I just have a small headache"

"Why didn't you say anything?" Sometimes Jeanette wanted to call Garrus a teddy bear over stuffed with concern every time he looked at her with those worried eyes. She had called her brother that once and he had spewed his drink from his mouth before whining about how she wouldn't stop questioning his masculinity. It wasn't her fault he was such an overly nice person that at times it made her want to vomit. She was fine with nice people, thought more people should be nice but there was _too nice_.

"I'm fine, took a bottle of magic pills before we left. Besides, I did have fun just hanging out with you guys. Almost feels like years since we did it last" The small chuckle that left her lips stopped as quickly as it came as she saw the sad looks coming from her friends' eyes. She mentally cursed her stupidity. She knew better, she was told that she had been dead for two years but it never felt that way. It felt like everything happened yesterday but everyone had moved on, living new lives without her. She could forget that she was dead but they couldn't, there would always be two years of memories where Shepard wasn't a part of their lives. These past few weeks she wondered if she only caused more pain coming back from the dead than just staying buried on that cold planet. She couldn't do anything about it though, all she could do was keep moving forward "Hey, why don't we go back to the ship and play some cards? Skyllian Five sound good?"

She smiled as she saw her friends' faces light up. They gave a quick nod before grabbing her by the arm to lead her back to the ship. She stopped short as she saw a familiar green figure leaning on the railing while looking out over the horizon. It appeared Thane had decided to spend his shore leave watching the sunset. Jeanette disentangled her limbs, telling the boys she'd meet them on the ship shortly. She noticed them glance at the assassin before turning to leave, something was strange about the way they were looking at him but she couldn't place it so she just sauntered over to the assassin instead.

"Shepard" Thane didn't turn around as she quietly approached from behind "Did you enjoy the movie?"

Jeanette swore she saw a hint of amusement on the man's lips but ignored it as she took a place next to him, leaning her arms on the railing as she stared at the retreating sun "Keeping tabs on me?"

"It would not be wise to let my employer meet an untimely end and you seem to attract attention everywhere, good and bad. There are five strategic positions for a sniper to set up and kill you"

"It's a gift, being the center of attention… also I spot a sixth position, right down there. I did enjoy myself, though I could have lived without the gunfire. I think I filled my quota after the past three days"

"I imagine" Thane stared below at the level down one. The Commander was right, there was a sixth.

"Like the view?" The drell turned his head toward the woman. Her gaze was fixed on the sun as she spoke, a smile gracing her face. The orange light danced in her eyes again, sea blue eyes lit aflame. To say that the play of colors was a fascinating sight would be an understatement. When the light hit her eyes like that it reminded him of Kahje, his home. He was a little shocked by the woman's next response. It was like she read his mind "Reminds me of home"

"Hmm" The drell turned back to the sun, its orange glow swallowing the skyscrapers. They were both reminded of home but she had been inspired by something different. It was quite the view though "I have been on Illium for a long time, two years to be precise, and I never took in the horizon. It is… spectacular" He took a deep breath as he watched the orange light consume the vast skyscrapers and fleeting skycars. He tried not to let his curiosity get the better of him but it was a lost cause "How does it remind you of home?"

"I was born on Mindoir, a farming colony. There were mountains a distance from the settlement. The sun would set behind them, it looked very much like it does here. You know, without the mercs, cabs and corporations. It was peaceful for the most part. No mercs to worry about. You ever hear gunfire it was a farmer chasing boys away from their daughters" Jeanette gazed at the view as she longed to be home if only for a minute. She always made a yearly visit but she hadn't had the chance to visit once she was chasing Saren and then geth. Then she just died. With the Collectors riding up her ass she wasn't sure if she would ever see Mindoir again. She missed the colony every now and again, she wasn't much of a city girl and she just wanted to breathe fresh air on the old farm.

_The sun was just about to disappear behind the mountains, its orange glow being taken over by the night sky and shining stars until the next day. The cool night air brushed against Jeanette's skin as she tried to shake feeling back into her legs. She had being sitting on her roof for the better part of the day drawing random doodle of trees, faces or aliens and now her legs had fallen asleep. It felt like a hundred little needles were prickling against her nerves with just the slightest movement. It didn't help that her right knee felt like lead. She was pretty sure if she tried to stand at that precise moment she would topple over and off the roof. Just moving them an inch sent an unpleasant sensation up her legs and they felt even heavier if that were possible._

_As she rubbed her legs she took a glance up at the stars wondering what was out there. She had been on Mindoir her entire life and she had never seen another species in person, just what she saw on the news. She spent a lot of nights staring at the stars, wondering if she would ever she another species, maybe even see the Citadel. She had heard so many rumors about the asari and hanar but she felt that rumors had to be put to the test. You never really know another culture until you step into its shoes. Some of the humans in the colony thought they were all better off without alien interference but she never understood why they hated them so much. Her family didn't seem to care what they looked like, they were all people whether they had two or four eyes. After all, if someone is offering you their hand does it matter how many fingers they have?_

_Jeanette heard the sound of the metal ladder clanking against the gutter behind her. She turned her head just enough to see who her visitor was. A young man popped his head over the edge and smiled once his eyes landed on Jeanette. Blue eyes sparkled in what was left of the sunlight as he bounded up the rest of the ladder. He carefully made his way over to her and plopped down next to her, throwing an arm around her shoulders pulling her close. All of a sudden he slipped his arm up around her throat, his other hand coming up in a fist and rubbed his knuckles against her head. This earned a yelp of surprise followed by an elbow to the gut._

"_Ow! Was that necessary?" the man let go to rub his side, his face contorted in surprise and pain._

"_Yes, you jerk, it was" Jeanette gathered her papers up into a neat pile "What do you want, Jason?"_

"_What? Big brother can't have a friendly conversation with his favorite sister?"_

"_I'm you're only sister"_

"_Smart ass" the man chuckled affectionately, still rubbing his side "So what's up?"_

"_The sky" Jeanette deadpanned as she stuffed her things in her satchel._

"_Smart ass. Come on, dinner's ready" the man gave a cheeky grin as he stood "Made it myself"_

"_Oh good, burnt beef stew" she took the offered hand, the strong grip pulling her to her feet. She tried to wince as the sensation of needles hit her nerves again "My _fave_"_

"_Thanks for your vote of confidence but I didn't burn it this time" Jason almost looked offended but knew that his sister was just messing with him. They moved to the ladder where Jason stepped aside and motioned for her to continue with a smirk on his face "Ladies first"_

_Jeanette eyed him suspiciously but headed down the ladder regardless with her brother not far behind. The two walked back around the house to the front door which had been left open and the smell of food wafted from the entrance. For once it actually smelled good and Jeanette couldn't stop her stomach from growling. When her brother chuckled at her she playfully pushed into the wall before running ahead. Jason chased after her but the door closed in his face and the lock was activated._

"_Hey!" a knock came from the nearby window and Jason turned to see his sister sticking her tongue out at him with a plate of steaming food in her hand "Oh, come on!"_

"_This is revenge for the other day!" came the reply, muffled by the glass._

"_So I hacked your door, I let you out"_

"_After two hours, jerk-face. Sit out there and stew" _

"_But I'm hungry" Jason whined, his face pressing against the glass comically. He pouted pathetically but all Jeanette did was take her fork and take a bite of her food, a smug look on her face when Jason's pout turned into a scowl "I hate karma"_

Thane snapped his fingers in front of Shepard's face. She blinked a couple of times, looking confused as she stared out at the starry horizon. Her eyes seemed to widen at the realization that she had zoned out. Her hand rose to her face to touch just below the nose. Pulling it back he could hear a faint curse as she stared at a droplet of blood run from her fingertip. She quickly wiped the blood away with a rag.

Thane was not surprised by this. After the incident in the med bay he had been pulled aside with Samara by Ms. Lawson. She had given them a full report on Shepard's condition, her relapses of memories after her… reconstruction. That surprised him. To be dead and brought back to life? He had never heard of such a thing truly occurring. Many religions believed those destined for greatness could come back from the dead but those only seemed like hopeful minds. Yet Shepard was alive, proving that journalists' had not just been trying to get a rise out of the public with the news of her death.

Miranda informed them of all signs to look out for while on a mission, unfocused or dilated eyes, bleeding nose and any reactions that didn't fit the current situation. Tests were still being run and there was no conclusive data of when or if the relapses would cease. This was now the third time he had witnessed her falling into old memories. The second time was earlier that morning. He had requested to join the Commander and Miranda. He informed Shepard that he felt he had to redeem himself for slipping up on the previous mission, expressing how he had been the reason for Shepard's injuries. She tried to make it clear no harm was done but allowed him to come along anyway.

He appreciated how she had handled the situation with the operative's sister. The Commander encouraged Miranda to speak with her sister once they knew she was safe. Miranda hesitated but Shepard would not take "no" as an answer. She gave the brunette a little shove toward the girl. The two sat back and waited for the sisters to finish their talk. The entire time, Shepard watched the women speak, sorrow filling her eyes. He saw her eyes become unfocused and soon blood dripped from her nose. Though the operative had told the crew to watch for these signs she had not exactly explained what they should do about it should such a thing occur. He called her by name but got no response so he snapped his fingers just in front of her face. She blinked before refocusing to her surroundings.

The woman said nothing, her posture stiff and jaw clenched. She was trying to act as though nothing had occurred. He was not about to point it out though. It was clear that she did not wish to speak of it and it was not his place to pry such a thing from her. She would seek counsel from someone when she wanted it and not before hand. She was acting the same way now but she did turn to him, a small frown on her face, before she spoke. It was so quiet he barely caught it "How long?"

He could only assume that she wanted to know how long she had zoned out "A few minutes"

"Hmm" Shepard pulled back from the railing, her face neutral as she turned away "Got to get back to the ship for a poker game" She paused mid step to glance over her shoulder to throw him a smile "You're welcome to join us"

The drell walked to her side and shook his head before politely replying "Perhaps another time. Shall I walk you back to the ship?"

"Such a gentlemen" The two walked side by side in a comfortable silence through Nos Astra, occasionally stopping to look at the attractions. Once the sun had passed, lights from stores and clubs lit up the streets everywhere. Neon blue and purple engulfed people as they walked beneath the colorful signs. This was one of the few things Jeanette liked about big cities, all the lights dancing about. She always got the desire to just stop and paint a picture. She glanced at her companion taking careful observations. His head turned here and there, eyes trained on the dazzling lights. His lips were slightly parted and the wonder Jeanette felt coming from the assassin put a smile on her lips.

They reached the ship in a matter of minutes. Shepard gave Thane a warm smile before he departed for the elevator. EDI was right, the drell was quite civil and she liked their polite conversations though few they had. She always liked getting to know new people, up until they either gave her the creeps or tried shooting her but Thane was nice, polite, and wasn't some meathead who told her he could wield weapon better than her. She hated men who thought she was some damsel in distress, she could handle a sniper like nobody's business. They were always shocked when she proved their stereotype wrong.

She was pulled from her thoughts as Joker called over the intercom complaining about how she was holding up the game. She chuckled as she ventured off to find her friends. She was just glad the next stop on her list was Tali. She needed another friend on this crazy boat filled with Cerberus and she really missed the quarian engineer. She was so cheerful and smart and there were a lot of good memories.

Shepard waited for the elevator and soon found herself in the mess. Garrus and Joker were sitting across from each other at the table hidden by the elevator and a wall in the middle of the room, mostly obscuring them from the few crew men in the mess. The televisions above their head was playing sports, most likely Joker's doing as it looked like Earth football. Sports weren't really the Commander's thing but she never complained when someone turned to the sports channel. Joker was cursing at one of the player's, head snapped up at the screen while Garrus was shuffling the cards. He wasn't very good at it and every now and again a card slipped from the deck. Jeanette wandered over to him and snatched the deck from his hand as she sat next to him. She shuffled the cards, her fingers moving dexterously before she dealt the cards in quick succession, cards twisting in the air, staying face down.

"Show off" Garrus muttered as he took up his hand. Joker made a face telling the two he already had a bad hand. Joker needed poker lessons and fast before someone took the shirt off his back.


	10. Cracks in the Mirror

**Chapter 10**

Sea blue eyes scanned the shelves inch by agonizing inch while a hand swiped against its surface. This had become a daily routine for Jeanette. She hadn't trusted Cerberus the day the name was uttered, after all something named after a three headed dog that guarded the gates of hell or whatever did not sound overly friendly. Once aboard the ship she felt eyes on her everywhere she went. There was no way the Illusive Man would allow his investment to walk around freely. She searched up and down her quarters to find five surveillance bugs. She had taken them in hand straight to Miranda, displayed the bugs to her before dropping them to the floor and stomping the bugs to dust. The operative didn't bat an eyelash. Two days later she felt eyes on her again and after her search she found _six_ bugs. She smashed them not bothering to put on another show for the brunette. But it seemed every couple of days she'd find more bugs with one more than the last time. Miranda was either trying to be thorough or annoying.

Shepard patted the shelves top to bottom and reaching her hand way to the back only finding a fine layer of dust. She shook the dust from her fingers as she tried to figure out any other possible hiding spots. She spent the past two hours turning her room upside down only to find… nothing. Either the bugs were cloaked or just nonexistent. Blue eyes landed on the bathroom door. It was preposterous, no way would they have cameras _there_… right? Shepard shrugged, she had nothing left to lose so why not? She stepped into the brightly lit room and started her search but once again found nothing.

The only thing she hadn't searched was the mirror, maybe there was a camera behind a one way window. Before Jeanette's paranoia could really settle in she froze at her reflection in the mirror. She wasn't sure how to react to what she saw, it was her but at the same time it wasn't. A hand reached for her cheek, just below her eye, a lone finger running along smooth skin. _There should be a scar there,_ Jeanette thought. It had always been noticeable, a reminder of what happened on Akuze. The scar was made by a Thresher Maw's acidic spit that grazed her skin. It wasn't anything to worry about but was always there to tell her to do better for her men but now it was gone, replaced by small glowing red scars that hadn't quite healed. Chakwas assured her another week and they would all be gone. Upon close inspection she could see the cybernetics beneath her skin that glowed an ominous red, proof that this wasn't really her body just a fabrication of it, some sort of copy. Reminded her that most of her bones were just light weight metal, nano machines stitching up wounds, and cybernetic weaves to strengthen her skin.

She questioned it every day she stopped to take a breath. _Is this really me? There was nothing left of me, just some gangly flesh. How can you have all my memories, even ones that are so private my best friends don't know about it? There was hardly any brain to extract such things from… are they… are they even real? Are they mine or just someone's burrowed memories?_ Shepard clenched her fists, forcing them to stay at her sides. It wouldn't do her any good to start smashing things up in her bout of frustration. She closed her eyes and took several slow breaths to calm her nerves. She opened her eyes to find herself staring at the floor. When her eyes focused back on the mirror Shepard was taken aback, eyes widening at the sight before her.

"_You do not understand, Shepard. The Reapers will be our salvation" a talon hand clasped around her neck. The Turian before her was exceptionally strong and lifted her off her feet and high above his head. Cold eyes locked onto hers as he tightened his grip, almost crushing her wind pipe. Air barely made it to her lungs as she struggled to get free "If I have to kill you to save this galaxy then so be it"_

"_You… don't believe that… do you… Saren?" each word left as a gasp "You're… a fool… if you do"_

"_You are the fool, Shepard. I could have saved you but it seems you'd rather end you're pathetic human life. Just too stubborn"_

_The punch caught the man off guard. It was strong, connecting with his jaw, the sound of crunching bones ringing in the Commander's ears. He staggered back, hand releasing its hold, Shepard dropped to the ground, pain digging in her knuckles from the strike. She tried to stand and take a shot at Saren's retreating back but her vision blurred and her hand faltered. A shot went off but missed its target. Her head spun from lack of oxygen and she could no longer stand, crumpling to the ground._

A chime rang in her ears drawing her attention. Jeanette found herself lying on her side on the cool tile of her bathroom. Her airways burned and she felt pain dig into her knuckles. She cringed as she realized she had another episode. She placed a hand on the floor to help her up only to growl as something stabbed her palm. She pulled it away only to find shards of glass embedded in her palm and knuckles, blood oozing from the cuts. Eyes shot upward to find the shattered remains of her mirror barely staying on the wall.

Her undamaged hand gripped the edge of the sink, using it as leverage to pull herself up. The room seemed to spin and she held onto the sink to stay up right as her knees grew weak. The damage to the mirror was extensive, she would have to get a new one. She groaned as she glanced in the cracked pieces to see blood dripping from her nose.

The same chime rang throughout the room again and Jeanette realized that someone was at her door asking for permission to enter. Panic seized her as she grabbed the closest washcloth and turned the faucet on to drench the cloth "Just a minute!" Shepard tried to keep her voice even but she was afraid that the person had been outside her door for minutes and was starting to suspect something. Shepard swiped the rag along her face and over her knuckles as she shook all the lose shards out for them to clatter onto the floor with the other pieces. She locked the bathroom door as she left and grabbed her fighting gloves, slipping them on with ease to hide the open wounds.

Opening the door she was greeted by a bright purple mask, glowing white orbs partially hidden behind the tinted glass. Even without ever getting a good glance through the face plate, Jeanette could always tell how Tali was feeling when she looked in those glowing orbs. They were always so expressive "Tali! I thought you were still trying to adjust to the new systems"

"I was but there was so much I thought I would go into overload if I didn't take a break so I decided to visit. Say what you will about Cerberus but they know how to build a ship"

"I hope you haven't been standing there too long. I was just freshening up, hard to hear anything in the bathroom" Jeanette felt horrible that the lie came so easily, especially when directed at an old friend.

"No worries, Jean. I just arrived"

"Please come in!" Jeanette smiled and stepped aside to let the quarian in "You know, I love your new suit, especially the hood. I always thought purple was a good color on you"

"Thank you, Jean" Tali's thick accent held a note of happiness as she examined the brightly lit room. The Quarian tilted her head as she found a blanket and pillow tossed haphazardly onto a small landing above the bed but her gaze soon started around again to stop on the crate filled with the human's belongings. The crate seemed mostly untouched, only a few things sitting next to the crate on the desk.

"Oh, that?" Jeanette had noticed the quarian's stare and walked over "Garrus brought me some of my things. Haven't gotten much time to go through it" another lie. As soon as she had the opportunity, she jumped on the crate, shuffling things aside to see what was there. The first thing she had pulled from it was the holo of her team and she almost dropped it when she was hit by a memory. She had shaken off the shock and placed the frame down on the table. As she tried to pull another item out she was only assaulted by another memory. After that she just didn't touch the crate, too afraid that she would have to fight off a flashback with each thing she touched. It had laid there for almost two weeks now, clearly shown by the bits of dust that clung to it.

The memories flashed in and out, day and night now. Ever since her episode in the med bay the flashbacks seemed to increase in number, the feeling of being there grew stronger, the memories lasting longer and she was helpless to stop them. The want to blame Cerberus filled her, she was told that the memories would recede, that she would be able to focus on the present but some days after an episode she didn't have a clue as to where she was. Past blurred with the present and nothing made any sense. One second she's running through a collapsing mine to finding herself are engineering. Almost everything seemed to remind her of something and she was just glad it hadn't affected any of the missions yet. Fighting seemed to keep her mostly level headed. This alone was how she found herself in the training ring when she wasn't filling out reports or checking on the crew. They had to have noticed her increased presence there but no one said a word.

The worst part was the constant tests. She had to visit the med bay every other day where Chakwas and Mordin probed her questions, took samples of her blood, scanned her brain and other things Shepard didn't bother listening to the long medical terms. She just threw on a smile, pulled up her sleeve and ignored the whole procedure. She felt like a lab rat trying to find her way to the cheese at the end of the maze, except the cheese was her sanity and the maze of memories only got more confusing. At first she had tried to respectfully decline the tests saying that saving the galaxy was far more important but Garrus intervened. It was the first time he refused to follow orders and literally dragged the Commander kicking and screaming into the med bay. He made sure she visited the doctors for the next couple of days until he was certain she wouldn't flee if left to her own devices.

Tests continued but Shepard pretended she was somewhere else, only catching the salarian's long winded mutterings here and there. She'd nod if Chakwas asked if she felt well. Occasionally she would count the number of pinprick scars on her arm. Thanks to Cerberus' upgrades her wounds healed at a quickened pace but she could still make out a couple of the miniscule scars that were still healing. One time she gave into a childish desire and took a ball point pen and drew from dot to dot to see what it would make. It looked like a snake but she had to wash away the ink before anyone noticed it.

Tali took a seat on the edge of the bed as she turned to Jeanette "I can imagine not having much time with the Collectors and I'm sure you've been drained after Haestrom"

"You look just as drained, probably worse" the Commander smirked as she sat next to the quarian, pulling her legs up on the bed to rest her arms on her knees "After all it was pretty hot down there. Not that I minded"

"I almost forgot how much you like roasting alive"

"I _like_ being toasty, cold weather just gives me nose problems and my fingers go numb"

"You and Garrus should build up resilience to the cold. Speaking of Garrus, what… happened to his face?"

"You know that turian, always getting into disagreements with others. He tested his luck with a gunship this time. You could have just asked him, he doesn't seem to mind the scar, thinks it's a lady killer"

"I thought about catching up with him but he said something about calibrations"

"We just got the Thanix Cannon installed but he's been having trouble compensating the weight and power input with the ship's other drives and power source. I keep offering to help him with the calculations but says he can do the math himself"

"Probably just afraid of being showed up by a woman" Tali giggled "We all know you're good with numbers, he just doesn't want to admit it"

"That man just needs a woman to keep him in line, I swear" a mischievous smile crept onto the blonde's face as she looked at Tali "Speaking of which, I always thought you and Garrus would make a cute couple"

Tali spluttered as she searched for a response "What? It wouldn't work out, after all, every time we start up a conversation it ends with me threatening him with the barrel of my shotgun"

"Were you not listening? He needs someone to keep him in line and that shotgun seems to be doing a good job of it"

"I always thought…" the quarian paused as she rubbed her hands together nervously "You're his commanding officer, you put him in line all the time. Besides, you two are always so chummy I thought you two were… you know"

Jeanette made a horrified face before replying "Ew! Just… just no! I mean, I have nothing against interspecies relations and he's pretty handsome for a turian but he's like a brother! It would just be…" she shuddered, unable to finish her sentence.

Tali only held her stomach as she doubled over laughing. The sound of her friend's amusement brought a smile to her face. She waited for her friend to calm down before speaking again "We'll be at Omega soon, the Illusive Man just sent me another dossier for some bounty hunter named Zaeed Massani. You want to tag along?"

"Sure. Just call me when you're ready to depart. I should be getting back to engineering" Tali gave her friend a quick hug before leaving.

Shepard released a sigh of relief as soon as the doors slid shut. Her hearting was still hammering in her chest. The fear of getting caught had not settled in the slightest. Every member of the crew was informed about her condition as soon as they boarded the ship against her wishes. Miranda always tried to pull them away discreetly but Jeanette always knew.

She collapsed on the bed, eyes staring out through the window on the ceiling but she wasn't really paying attention. Her eyes burned, the lights making her squint. It was just another difference between her ships. The original Normandy had dull blue lights and many a time Shepard found herself tripping over something. She appreciated the better lighting on the SR-2 but most days it blinded her, sometimes even giving her a headache. Now was one of those times.

"EDI"

"_Yes, Shepard?"_

"Lower the lights to eighty percent" the lights dimmed and she no longer had to squint "Thank you, EDI" Jeanette had to admit she was taking a liking to the AI. Besides being extremely helpful while on Horizon, recalibrating the defense turrets, she also teased Joker every time she stopped by the cockpit. It was her opinion someone should beat the cocky pilot at his own game and it appeared to be two to one against Joker at the moment. Maybe it was a bad idea to start relying on the AI but she couldn't help it.

The stars flew by as the ship continued on its path to Omega, the glittering lights fading in and out. It was serene most of the time but if she stared at the vast void she soon would feel like she was floating through space when the original Normandy had gone down. Not only was she consumed by the feeling of suffocating but when she returned to the present she found she really couldn't breathe. It always felt so real to her.

_Fire was everywhere, consuming the ship at a rapid pace._

She shut her eyes tight to force the stars from her vision.

_At least half the ship was mere ruins now, floating through space as a larger ship loomed over the wreckage engulfing the Normandy in an intimidating shadow from the nearby sun._

"No, no, no" Jeanette whispered, her hand reaching blindly at her nightstand to find the switch that would close the shutter.

_"Commander! Shepard!" Joker banged on the door with a look of horror on his face. His eyes looked watery and his voice muffled behind the closed glass door._

She needed something to keep her grounded but she couldn't always run to the training ring to beat up the droids. She'd either bust more than could be repaired or she'd drive herself into an early grave. Another one. She didn't want to give up her peace and quiet either but staring at the stars like she did when she was young would only make things worse. Maybe she would go talk to Samara or Thane. The Justicar and assassin were the oldest and by far the wisest people she knew. The few talks she had with either were enlightening but also held a note of peace. It didn't matter the subject they spoke of whether past experiences or their own culture. Perhaps it was there calm and steady voices or just the way they spoke. Thane in particular was calm and composed, talking with him brought about peace to her frantic mind more than anyone else she met. She enjoyed their talks and she felt like she needed one of them now.

Jeanette rolled out of bed, eyes still closed even after hitting the switch for the shutter. She didn't open her eyes until she had walked halfway across the room. She breathed slowly and winced as a pain stabbed her hands. She looked down to see her fists clenched tightly and a few splotches covered the knuckles, most likely blood. She went back to her bathroom and tiptoed over the broken shards of glass. At the sink she removed her gloves to show her cuts were bleeding more. She turned the faucet on and wiped away the blood before rubbing soap into the wounds. It stung but it would stop any infections. She shook off the excess water and reached for the shelves to her right, grabbing the first aid kit. She applied just a dab of medi-gel on the wounds and replaced the kit.

She flexed her hand and bit back a sound of discomfort _"Well if you were more careful, Skipper"_ Jeanette's head snapped up _"you wouldn't be in pain. As much fun as it was watching you punch that pirate in the face it wasn't exactly the brightest idea you've had. I mean he was wearing a helmet and you weren't even wearing gloves!"_

"_Come on, Ash. No pain, no gain"_

"_The only thing you gained, Skipper, was a bloody hand"_

"_Ouch! That stings"_

"_That means it's working. Now hold still, I'm not a doctor so don't make this any harder on me" the Chief rubbed the liquid deep into the knuckles, the soap bubbles increasing in number as she rubbed. Once satisfied the brunette woman dipped the Commander's hand in water. She applied the medi-gel next "There, all better… I hope"_

"_It stopped bleeding so let's go with better" Jeanette smiled at her friend. Ashley only shook her head at the Commander though a corner of her mouth twitched upwards. Jeanette stood from her seated position on the floor and offered a hand. Ashley took it and was promptly pulled to her feet. The sound of footsteps rang down the hall of the wards and the two looked to see Wrex looming over the pirate, shotgun to his face "Was wondering when C-Sec would show. Wrex, I suggest putting the gun away before they get here. They might arrest you instead of him"_

"_They'd be stupid if they did besides you can just wave your Spectre status in their face or whatever"_

"_I'd rather only use it when necessary"_

"_They arrest me and you'll find it necessary, unless of course you don't mind a few beaten up officers"_

"_Wrex" the Commander's voice was filled with warning "Put it away"_

_The krogan grumbled in response but did as he was told "Never let me have any fun"_

_Ashley laughed at Wrex's disgruntled look before turning back to her superior "You sure do know how to pick them, don't you?"_

Jeanette blinked her eyes rapidly, willing the image of her friend to leave. She breathed in and out, finally relaxing when all she saw was the broken mirror before her. That was it, she was going to go talk to someone now. It was clear she couldn't be left alone at the moment. Jeanette head for the elevator but stopped at her door when EDI's holographic image appeared next to her.

"_Commander Shepard, we have arrived at Omega"_ though Shepard had begun to appreciate EDI, the AI had horrible timing.

"Thank you, EDI. Tell Tali and Mordin to meet me at the airlock"

"_Yes, Shepard"_

It appeared her talk with the drell assassin would have to wait after retrieving her new team member but as always it didn't go according to plan. While on Omega Mordin had insisted on visiting his assistant Daniel and Shepard let the man wander off if only to stop any possibilities of a run on sentence. Once Tali and Shepard had found Zaeed, they were stopped by Aria's henchmen batarian again. The Queen of Omega requested her presence only to ask her to run around the station and do her favors and the only reason she complied was the fact it didn't seem wise to tick off the asari plus the woman might end up owing her a few favors.

Other than convincing a krogan that she'd act as his krantt the day was pretty boring. Her boring day turned around not long after her crew stepped back on the ship. As her team retreated to their respective zones Shepard went down to the crew deck. She was just about to palm the door for permission to enter when EDI chimed in over the intercom. EDI announced that the Illusive Man wished for her presence in the debriefing room immediately. Just the mention of that man formed a throbbing pain at the base of her skull. Their last face to virtual face chat was just after Horizon and she was not looking forward to another but complied.

Shepard listened intently as the man informed her that a Collector vessel had been disabled by a turian ship and investigating the ship would bring invaluable insight into their enemy. Throughout the debrief she had the nagging suspicion the man was holding something back again. She weaseled every bit of information she could from the man, asking about the ship and the turian patrol. He answered without hesitation, being as cooperative as possible. Something about his change in compliance only tipped off warning bells. The entire thing sent her nerves on end but that information would give them a serious edge. She alerted Samara and Mordin to prep for the mission as she got ready herself.


	11. Two Times the Memories

**Chapter 11**

"Faster, _faster!_ Must go _faster!_" Shepard leapt over another ledge leading down, her breath coming in short harsh gasps of air as she pushed her limbs as fast as they could go. Her lungs burned and her legs screamed in protest at the stress of not stopping. She took a quick glance back to see Mordin and Samara not far behind, just as physically exhausted.

"Going as fast as possible, Shepard. Too many enemies" Mordin shouted as he incinerated another husk. More and more rounded a corner in the dark corridors of the Collector ship as the three ran for the exit. Twenty feet before they reached the door it closed shut, the locking mechanism turning on. The group was forced to take cover as a Praetorian floated around a corner.

"_Bloody hell!_ Don't these things have anything better to do?"

"Unlikely, Shepard. Clear Collectors still interested in you"

"_Rhetorical question_" Shepard seethed with annoyance as she pulled out the particle beam she had picked up on Horizon and aimed for the creature. It was only a few seconds before it fired its own beam, effectively knocking out her shields. The Commander ducked back behind cover.

"Shepard, more Collectors inbound" Samara shouted over the sounds of gunfire.

She gave another small curse as she took a deep breath "Samara, keep them away from us with your biotics. Mordin, here, take my warp ammo and don't let up on its barrier with your SMG"

"Understood" her team replied in unison as they maneuvered into the best spots. Lucky for her squad, the Praetorian only seemed interested in Shepard. She slipped up the ramp, remaining low behind cover as she tried to get a height advantage. Mordin was whittling the barrier down and once gone Shepard shot at it. She only took about a quarter of its armor down before the beast slammed into the floor knocking her back as it recharged its barrier. Shepard backed away, staying behind cover as the thing floated closer to her before she found herself out in the open, having gone around in a complete circle. Collectors and husks continued to pour into the room but the asari Justicar did her best to keep them off the Commander by throwing the creatures back.

_"I don't mean to rush you, Commander, but their engines are almost fully online!" _Joker's worried voice boomed over the comm link.

"I know damn it!" She kept whittling down the Praetorian's barrier and armor but it wasn't going down quick enough. It was almost on top of her when a final bullet pierced its head. The thing began to glow before it exploded sending Shepard on her back. A hand gripped her arm and pulled her to her feet "Thanks Samara"

"Thank me after we are safely on the ship" was her cool reply as she headed toward a different exit.

The three continued running through the maze that was the Collector vessel, only to be stopped by more enemies as they appeared out of nowhere.

"Keep pushing forward" Shepard pulled the shotgun from her back and prayed she was still a good shot as she charged toward the horde of husks "We're almost to the shuttle"

More husks rounded the corner as she reloaded her shotgun. She waited until one was right in front of her before slamming the barrel into the creature's stomach and blasting a hole through it. She bashed another skull in with the butt of her gun as she kept a steady pace forward. As they grouped together she used her incineration that put most of the beasts out of their misery. A blue glow threw the rest back into the wall.

"Not a good time to show off" Mordin rambled as he sped past the Commander. Shepard nodded as she took up the rear. She kept any remaining creatures off her team as they raced toward the shuttle. Once she was sure they were close enough to the shuttle she turned her back and ran faster.

_The shuttles were in sight but the sounds of screeching and screaming grew louder in her ears. She glanced over her shoulder to see marines scattered about the place, most dead, and the rest on her heels with fear in their eyes. The ground shook violently before it broke open and a giant worm the size of a skyscraper came through the crack before lunging down and swallowing more soldiers. More of the beasts rose through the ground spitting acidic venom left and right. The smell of rotting flesh filled the air and Shepard had to hold in the urge to empty her breakfast._

_No one saw the attack coming. The Alliance had stationed a group of fifty marines to the planet Akuze to oversee the construction of a human colony. There had been rumors of recent pirate activity and the Alliance had agreed to send aid while the colony was established. Not long after they arrived a distress beacon had gone off a few miles away. It seemed odd as the colony was in the opposite direction but the soldiers had left to investigate. The beacon was in the middle of nowhere with no one within sight of it. Shepard's commanding officer shut the beacon off and ordered the marines return only for the ground to rumble beneath them. _

_That's when the creatures attacked, a horde of Thresher Maws broke through the ground and struck them. She had heard rumors of Thresher Maws before, most famous on the krogan homeworld, but no amount of stories could prepare you for an attack like this. Within a matter of minutes her commanding officer had been dragged underneath the sand. The order to retreat to the shuttles was given but it seemed hopeless as more men died screaming in pain._

_Shepard stumbled over as one of the Maws burst up and loomed over her. She expected to be eaten right then and there but a strong hand wrapped around her arm and started frantically dragging her to her feet._

Mordin and Samara had made it to the shuttle only to find the Commander on her hands and knees with husks not far behind her. They spotted blood pouring from her nose and immediately knew what was happening. The salarian covered Samara as she raced back for the collapsed woman. Samara gathered as much biotic power as she could before releasing it at the rest of the creatures, hurtling them far away.

"Shepard! You must snap out of it" Samara began dragging the woman by her arm as she continues to gain her attention "Shepard!" Soon the woman began moving her legs, starting at a clumsy walk before turning into a full out sprint. It wasn't clear if the Commander knew where she was but it was clear she knew there was danger not far behind.

_Shepard allowed the marine to pull her along to the shuttles. The man tossed her in the small ship before screaming behind him for the rest to hurry. She staggered to her feet and walked to the entrance. Another Maw popped from the ground, poised toward the shuttle as some of the marines got near it. It let loose its acidic venom, catching several of the soldiers. Their bodies began to burn and some collapsed. Another shot of venom hit the side of the shuttle and the spray caught just under Shepard's right eye. Her skin felt as though it was melting off but she ignored it as she grabbed two staggering marines by the collar and pulled them into the shuttle. _

_One glance showed that no one else was alive to save. With a deep regret, she slammed the door shut before taking the controls. The shuttle flew off before the Maws could make another attack. She set it on autopilot before moving to the back to check on the others. She almost gagged at the sight before her. The face of one marine had completely melted off, the acid beginning to eat away the bone as well. He was dead. The other marine held his side tightly, blood poured out quickly and the man gave a pained look at the woman. She knelt down and grabbed his shoulder "Hold on"_

"_Sorry ma'am. Don't… think I can" and just like that, the man died. Shepard sat on the seat opposite the marines. Staring at them for what felt like hours, the smell of death almost consuming her._

As soon as the shuttle had docked in the bay, Samara gave Joker the order to go and the ship jumped out of the system before the Collector ship was fully functional. The squad took a moment to breathe as the pilot told them they were safe. They all sat in the shuttle in silence, slumping against the seats. Shepard was the first to get up after a few minutes. She opened the hatch and took one step outside before stopping. She took a look back at the two "Thank you for pulling me out of there. I'm headed to the med bay. I suggest you see Chakwas as well when you're up to it" The two nodded, not bothering to follow as they understood the look in her eye that asked to be alone.

Chakwas swiveled in her chair as she heard the doors slide open. Her eyes almost bulged out of her head as she saw Shepard trudge through the door with a trail of bits of armor following behind her. The woman was unclasping each piece of armor as she moved forward, leaving it haphazardly on the ground. All that was left was a gauntlet and leggings. Blood dripped from her nose, landing on her white tank top and bruises littered her arms.

"Commander!" The doctor jumped up from her chair as she grabbed a cloth "Jeanette what happened?"

"Besides being tricked by the Illusive Man? Oh, nothing much. Got into a fight with a couple of kids from school"

"Now is not the time for jokes"

"Maybe" the word sounded hollow to the doctor's ears when she heard it. The doctor led her to one of the beds where she had the Commander sit down before dragging a chair over with her tools. She started a scan over Shepard's body but the woman grabbed her hand "Shepard, I know you don't like being here but I can't help you if you don't let me"

"My body's fine, doc. Bullets didn't make it past the armor, the bruises should go away in a few days. I need" Shepard stopped as she took a deep breath "I need you to check my mind. I had another attack"

Chakwas nodded in understanding and ran a few tests not that it would do either of them much good as still no conclusive data had been made to stop the flashbacks. Shepard knew Chakwas couldn't do much for her but she just wanted the silent company of a friend. The doctor gave her a pain reliever just as Samara and Mordin walked in. Shepard was about to make an excuse to leave when Joker called over the Comm.

"_Hey, Commander. The Illusive man wants to see you in the debriefing room. Figure you have a few choice words for him too"_

Shepard's calm yet shaky demeanor turned into seething anger as she jumped off the bed and stormed to the elevator, almost tripping over her armor that still lay on the floor. Any crew that had been waiting for the elevator quickly vacated the premises as they caught the murderous glint in the Commander's eye and no one made a comment about how she still only wore her metal greaves and left gauntlet as it was clear she was not worried about her appearance. The woman tapped her foot impatiently as she made her way up.

She didn't even give the man the chance to speak as she pointed an accusatory finger at the man lounging in the chair before her "You foul little man! I will beat you to within an inch of your life! I said _no more_ sacrificing people"

"Actually, what you said was 'no more sacrificing _innocents.'_ I wouldn't call anyone on your team innocent, Shepard" The man blew a puff of smoke before extinguishing the cigarette in an ash tray.

"For some who spent a lot of resources to bring me back to life you sure try hard to get me killed"

"I know it seems that I betrayed you, but we needed that data. It's the only way to find the Collector's homeworld. If I had told you about the Collector's trap it may have tipped them off. I wouldn't have sent you in if I didn't think you could handle it" Shepard tapped her foot to calm her as the man explained about a device to allow the Normandy through the Omega 4 Relay.

Shepard didn't like it but the data was too important to over look. She hated it even more that she had to practically defend the Illusive Man's decision when she called a meeting to decide their next step. Though Jacob argued they should just go for the IFF the Illusive Man mentioned but Miranda and Shepard disagreed, claiming they weren't ready. Once Jacob backed down Shepard ordered everyone get some sleep as it had been a long day.

Sleep, however, was the last thing on her own mind. She eventually found herself on the crew deck. The lights were dimmed which indicated most of the crew was asleep and only the night shift was up at their stations. This meant that the mess was most likely void of life and the thought drew Shepard to a chair at the large table but she stopped when the ground beneath her feet felt uneven. Beneath her feet lay the pieces of her armor. Nobody had seemed to dare touch the armor out of either laziness or just afraid the Commander would hurt them for touching her things. Shepard wasn't sure which but also didn't care. She trudged forward and plopped down in a chair. She couldn't seem to sake of the adrenaline and fear from the memory and her breath would not slow. Soon she felt the need to eat, regardless of the stench of death that still lingered around her. She tried to lift herself from the table but her arms and legs grew weak and she collapsed back in the cold metal chair. How she could feel so tired and weak yet hyped up on adrenaline and unable to sleep was a mystery she didn't really want to figure out.

"I am surprised you're up, Shepard" Jeanette's head snapped up when the deep voice spoke. She didn't know but she must have been losing her touch if she hadn't heard the drell arrive. Though she supposed you couldn't be the best assassin in the galaxy if people heard you coming. As she glanced at Thane across the table she saw familiar blue armor in his hands. She was almost touched by the action as the man carefully laid the pieces on the end of the table before gesturing at a seat. Shepard nodded when she realized he was asking to join her "I half expected you to be asleep after what happened on the Collector ship"

"Can't. Too much adrenaline. Besides, if I tried to get up now I would just fall face first on the floor"

"I understand the feeling" Thane clasped his hands before him in his usual manner as he settled into the seat "Joker kept the entire ship alert to the situation. It sounded… unpleasant"

"That's one way of putting it. Not what I call a vacation but you take what you get" Jeanette slouched in the chair, her legs stretching out under the table but making sure to avoid the drell's personal space. She leaned her head back, exposing her neck as she stared at the ceiling.

"I mean no offense, Commander, but you look like a varren's chew toy"

The woman gave a small snort at the joke as it was not common from the drell. Mind you, it sounded like an accurate statement as Shepard still had blood staining the front of her white top and was wearing only half of her beaten up armor while what skin was exposed was a sickly yellow and purple. Her short, pixie styled hair stuck out at odd angles and sweat still clung to her body "By the joke I can tell you've been hanging around Garrus too much"

"Actually, I believe I have been spending too much time with you" a smirk played on the man's lips as he spoke "Vakarian warned me that you were a bad influence, claimed you're where he got his jokes from"

"Yeah, I guess you're right" Shepard laughed at the thought "When I first met him he was always so serious, especially about getting the job done. I blame C-Sec for that but then at one point I thought he was denied fun as a kid and that's why, as Joker likes to say, 'had a stick up his ass.' It took awhile but I guess I got him to loosen up. Now it's hard to have a single serious talk without _him_ cracking a joke. The Savior of the Citadel is a_ bad_ wise-cracking influence"

"She is" the assassin agreed as he lowered his hands to the table "but most seem to call her a true paragon"

"Uh-huh" she sighed as she looked back at her companion "Yeah, a _paragon_ is exactly what I am"

"You sound doubtful"

"I help people. I _like_ helping people but… I don't always go about it the right way" Jeanette shook her head of the thought. It was the past and it wasn't about to change. But what she could do is have that nice, possibly philosophical talk she had wanted before shit went to hell. Now was as good a time as any if Thane was awake. Which prompted a very good question "Why exactly are _you_ up?"

"My body requires little sleep. My senses have been honed in case someone tries to catch me in my sleep. And when I'm not sleeping or exercising, I meditate. My meditations bring me rest of mind and afterward I am wide awake"

"I tried meditation once. It didn't exactly work out well"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, a friend of mine in the Alliance did meditations often, part of his religion. He convinced me to try it so we sat down on a mat cross-legged and took even breaths. I'm not sure how long it took but I apparently fell asleep. Will thought it was so damned funny I fell asleep sitting up that he decided to take a picture of it. I found it the next day on the wall of the mess hall. Totally kicked him for it" the woman smiled warmly as she spoke "Didn't even care that my commanding officer was there to see it. The Captain just laughed and as he did so he gave me and Will a toothbrush and told us to clean the floor. I kicked Will again for good measure as the Captain kept laughing"

"I find you always have something interesting to say. It's… invigorating to chat with you, Shepard"

"The feelings mutual, Krios" just then a loud rumble came from the Commander's stomach and she found she wanted to smack the grin off the drell's face. Before a word could be uttered Thane had stood from the table and took the few steps to the kitchen. She watched curiously as he shuffled through the new ingredients Shepard had procured the last time they had landed. The assassin pulled out a skillet and turned on a burner after finding satisfactory ingredients "What the bloody Hell are you up to, Mr. Krios?"

"I wonder if your language is just as influential as your jokes. But as for your question, I am making you dinner. During my travels I had experienced many cultures and cuisines, human food included. I'm not an expert at cooking but I believe you will like it" Shepard watched the man shuffle around in the kitchen, not only cooking but setting up a kettle for tea. The aromas from the sizzling meat wafted up her nose, effectively clearing out the last of the scent of decay from her nostrils. It was long before a small plate with steak and cooked red, yellow, and green peppers sat in front of her, soon followed by a steaming cup of tea "Do not worry. I have already added a spoonful of sugar for you"

"You remember? How sweet" the words were barely uttered as the Commander felt her mouth water. Thane sat across from her with his own plate of food and tea, taking the time to cut his meat into squares. Shepard didn't hesitate and tore at the food. Politely of course, no need to scare off dinner guests with bad manners, right? The food was savory and she filled up easily. For the past few days she had missed normal meals that Gardner made and had just grab easy-to-go food when she had the chance. This was one of the few times she had just sat still and ate "You have out done yourself, Mr. Krios! It is a wonder that women do not come swooping down to claim a gentlemen like you. After all, you are a dying breed. I don't know when I came across a true gentleman last"

"_Maybe there's more to you besides assassinating after all, good sir" The blue scaled woman joked as she took another bite of her dinner. He had thought that the dinner may not have gone well, his previous actions had been inexcusable before after all. For the woman to be sitting across from him and enjoying his company was more than he could have hoped. Those sunset eyes defiant in the scope, the smell of spice on the spring wind. Their first meeting had not been a pleasant one but this evening was far more than pleasant._

Thane blinked a couple of times before he focused on the present. Worry gripped him, afraid he might have relapsed out loud. He watched as the woman across from him continued to chew her food and seemed unperturbed by his relapse of an old memory. But though she seemed calm he saw the hint of curiosity as her brow had lifted just enough for him to notice meaning his fears were confirmed. He tried calculating the best response to say before the woman spoke up.

"_Someone_ has the habit of reading romance novels" the woman said in a sing song tone as she continued her meal.

"I… no, that is not" the drell sighed as he found himself unable to find the proper words "Drell have something you might refer to as solipsism"

"Solipsism?"

"Yes, drell have perfect memory. We can relieve any moment in our lives, down to the smallest detail. The memories can be difficult to control at times and we slip into them. That is solipsism. The memories feel as though you are living through them again. It can bring back the smell of cut grass, the warmth of another's hand on yours, the taste of another's tongue in your mouth"

Jeanette felt a small heat rise in her cheeks at the out of place comment. The man was either a tease or completely oblivious to the implication "Or sunset colored eyes"

Jeanette wasn't positive but she swore the man shifted in his seat nervously before speaking "Yes"

"I'm glad you're date went well then" she reached for her cup of tea as she mulled over what Thane had said "Do you relive bad memories as well as good ones?"

"Of course. Remembering the times I got shot is… unpleasant. But I can look down and see my leg is not shattered"

This new knowledge of the assassin was intriguing to say the least. It seemed the two had far more in common than the expertise to wield a sniper "Something we share I suppose" Jeanette shut her mouth as she had not meant to speak the thought out loud.

"Perhaps you are right"

"Except for the fact that you don't get bloody nose bleeds"

"Nose bleeds do tend to be bloody, Shepard"

"Smart ass"

"Your influence again, I'm afraid"

"Laugh it up, Krios. But laugh too much and I'll whip out elephant jokes"

"Elephant jokes?" a devious smile grew on the woman's lips as she tried to decide if she should torment the poor man. Joker almost died of shame as the woman whipped out bad joke after bad joke.


	12. Trust Exercises

**Chapter 12**

A few days had passed since the incident on the Collector ship and just about everyone had been round up tighter than a box spring. Everyone knew that it wouldn't be long before they headed off for what could very well be their last mission. The crew scurried about the Normandy as though trying to put out a spreading fire. Some had unresolved issues they were trying to tie up, others were fitting in the new upgrades the Commander had ordered, and everyone else was just flat out nervous. It didn't help that the crew was worried about a full grown krogan trying to break a hole through the hull with just its skull. Shepard was ready to hop into the shuttle for a side mission that involved more mercenaries when Kelly Chambers had called over the Comm. She seemed just as upset about the tank-bred krogan as everyone else and suggested the Commander speak with Grunt before a hull breach occurred.

Shepard glanced up to the window from her position in the shuttle bay to see Grunt pacing frantically in the cargo hold. She could see the unrest in his tight posture and sighed in defeat as the krogan bashed his head against the window, a large crack forming afterward, a crack that wouldn't be cheap to repair. _I guess bullet proof glass isn't the same as krogan proof_, Shepard thought as she turned for the lift. As soon as she stepped off the elevator and onto the engineering deck she could hear growling at the end of the hall. She frowned at the sight before her when she opened the door. Crates were strewn about haphazardly, some contents even spilling out onto the floor, and the tank that had been left in the cargo hold had had its door ripped off the hinges. Grunt did not even seem to notice the Commander's entrance as he continued to pace about the room.

Just as he was about to slam his skull against the window again he was pulled forcefully back. He stumbled backwards until he hit the wall. He was ready to attack the intruder when he saw Shepard step in front of him, a maddening look in her cybernetic eyes as they gleamed a brighter blue than normal "Control yourself! Instead of tearing my ship apart how about you just tell me who put a hornets' nest up your butt?"

"Nobody messed with me, Shepard. They would be stupid to try"

"Then please tell me what your major malfunction is!"

"I am a krogan, we thirst for battle yet when you take me on these missions I do not feel satisfied when we are victorious!" Grunt shook his head in agitation "During the fight I am fine but in here everything is just noise, you are just noise! I feel… I don't know"

"Okeer didn't implant anything to help you figure this out?"

"No. Only images of fighting, warlords and the dead scattered about the battlefield"

Jeanette stepped away from the krogan as he appeared to calm, if just the slightest "Maybe it's a medical problem. EDI, know anything useful about krogan physiology or diseases?"

The blue orb popped up on a terminal nearby "_I am sorry, Shepard, but krogans do not usually provide any information regarding krogan health_"

"We were ruined by science! My people wouldn't let such knowledge leave the homeworld of Tuchanka. It might give the salarians more ways to destroy us"

"Tuchanka it is then" Shepard nodded absentmindedly as she thought about how to help the krogan "I promised Mordin that Tuchanka would be our next stop, but you will have to wait until after we help his friend. I get the feeling you're not about to die but Maelon very well might. Think you can hold in your anger that long?"

"I will. Maybe Garrus will show me what turians are really made of in the mean time"

"If by some miracle he agrees, don't hold your breath, promise not to break him. I need his ass up and moving"

She only received a reluctant nod from the krogan before walking back out the door. She noticed the crazy biotic leaning against the door way to the engines, a shit-eating grin on her face. She was about to just pass the tattooed woman until she spoke up "I knew you were a nut job but I didn't think you were one to try and take on one of those armored toads. Could hear you down below, was ready to bet twenty credits you'd lose"

"Generous of you to just give that money away, Jack"

The biotic snorted "Grunt would take you down, five seconds flat"

"You know what? I think you just volunteered"

Jack frowned in confusion at the change of subject before staring at the Commander in suspicion and sneered "Volunteered for what?"

"I've got a mission and you're coming with"

Jack gave a low growl as she followed Shepard into the elevator, crossing her arms in annoyance as it began its slow decent "I swear if you're bringing the Cerberus cheerleader with you I'll use your spine to slap her perfectly engineered face"

"As much fun as that sounds I wasn't planning on bringing Miranda along. No, you two can have a trust exercise later. Right now I have two other people who need to get along" As soon as the elevator doors slid open Jack saw who the Commander was referring to. Jacob and Thane were standing a good distance apart from one another near the shuttle. The drell assassin stood calmly, his hands clasped behind his back as he waited patiently for the Commander. The Cerberus operative, however, did not try to hide his disgust for the man as he leaned against the wall arms crossed. Jacob had made it no secret that he didn't trust the assassin, swearing that Shepard would just end up with a knife in the back. Jeanette was just grateful that Thane didn't gage the man in a fight when it was clear Jacob was trying to pick one.

Lately, Shepard noticed a lot of tension between some of her squad and she couldn't have them so paranoid about each other that they forgot they were in the middle of a fire fight. So she started bringing those who didn't like each other on simple missions hoping they would learn to trust one another. She finally got Grunt to stop harassing Mordin about the genophage and Mordin to leave Grunt alone about his barbarism. If she could get the salarian and krogan to get along with at least mutual respect between the two then she was going to get Jacob to lay off the drell. She understood Jacob's feelings and knew he was a good man but if he ever bothered talking to anyone on the ship besides Miranda he might actually learn to like the assassin. _Maybe_.

Jack and Jeanette could barely hear the conversation passing between the two but it sounded like it had been a bad idea to leave the two alone even if for a short period of time "You mean _murder"_

"We have both killed Mr. Taylor. Our methods and targets are different but it ends the same way"

"I don't take money for killing"

"If I am correct, both the Alliance and Cerberus pay an annual salary to its soldiers. Soldiers kill"

"That's not the same and yo-"

"Enough!" Jeanette surprised the two as she stepped between them as Jacob started advancing on Thane with his biotics beginning to flare to life. The dark skinned man reluctantly stopped at the glare he received. Shepard waited for the biotic power to cease before speaking "Now ladies, if we are done bitching can we all enter the shuttle in an orderly fashion?"

Shepard couldn't tell if Jacob frowned because she didn't choose his side or because she referred to him as a lady but at the moment she just wanted her "trust exercise" over with. She grabbed her helmet from the table nearby and tossed Jack a mask. Jack entered the shuttle first after grabbing her shotgun followed shortly by the Cerberus operative. Thane stood by the door and nodded his thanks to the Commander, grateful that the fight had stopped before it could begin. He gestured his hand to the shuttle, allowing the Commander to enter first. Shepard took control of the shuttle and waited for Joker to clear her.

EDI had done a full scan of the planet finding evidence of Blood Pack activity. However, the planet was covered in a thick fog and the atmosphere was not only toxic but it cut off communications. The team was going to be on its own as soon as they touched ground. This meant that the squad was going to have to stick close and watch each other's backs. Just the scenario Shepard needed to get past Jacob's thick skull. She just had to hope it would work.

Shepard eased the Kodiak out of the docking bay, keeping the door behind her open so she could keep a close eye on her squad. Jack fiddled with the straps on her boot as she stared out the window, obviously not entertained by the lack of violence. Jacob sat at the far end of the shuttle, arms crossed, as he stared the drell down as though analyzing every place a weapon could be concealed. Thane, bless his soul, was ignoring the man. Somehow Shepard began to worry it was going to be a long and _agonizing_ trust exercise. She was just glad that it seemed she only had one head to crack instead of two.

The Kodiak landed on the top a plateau where the fog seemed thin in comparison to anything lower down. The squad put on their masks and helmets before leaving the shuttle. A quick scan of the nearby area showed a few scattered crates and some mining equipment. Shepard jogged to a path that lead down could barely make out the path through the fog. She knew that the fog would make finding the mercenaries difficult but this was just ridiculous, she could only see three clear feet in front of her and another five concealed feet past that. Shepard scanned the landing zone again and found a deactivated console nearby. Figuring it may at least have some useful data on it, Shepard turned it back on. A small tower nearby activated and a blue beam launched from its top and could be seen through the fog. On the other end of the beam another tower began to glow.

"Now what do we have here? It appears the mercs left us a trail of bread crumbs" Shepard pulled her shotgun out as it seemed a far better choice than a sniper rifle considering the limited visibility "Alright boys and girls, since communications are a no-no we're going to use the buddy system" Jack groaned and Jacob didn't bother hiding his disdain either "Jack you're with me. Thane and Jacob… please play nice. You are to keep an eye on your partner at all times. You get separated, just follow the yellow brick road and wait at the base of the tower until we find you. If we all stick close together there won't be a need for the buddy system. Move out"

Shepard took point with Jack not far behind. The group went slow down the path, walking around cliff edges and tall rock formations. They made it to the second console without a problem and activated it. Another and activated it. Another beam shot from the tower to a higher landing and they started on their way again. A noise could be heard in the distance and grew louder with each step. It was the sound of large flapping wings followed by a screech.

"Harvester in bound!" The flying worm landed far enough away from the group that the fog completely hid it. A moment later and the creature took off away from them. A strange clicking noise was approaching on the team's position and soon the fog gave way to the sight of several klixen. The large red bugs advanced forward, fiery breath escaping their mouths. Shepard easily wore down the armor plating with her incineration but the giant beetles had far more health. Jack and Shepard flanked one of the beasts and blasted the creature with their shotguns, blood spraying all over. While they dealt with one klixen at a time, Thane and Jacob used their biotics to keep the rest back or throw them off the edge of the cliff. Shepard kept her eye on Jack as they woman charged toward more. As she tried to keep pace with the crazed biotic a klixen intercepted her. Another came around a cliff face and both skittered toward her. The Commander cursed the bugs for being smart enough to use the fog to their advantage. Even though she kept her eye on the field she still couldn't make anything out in the thick clouds. The creatures had cut her off from her allies and were now backing her up against a corner.

Their fiery breath took her shields down in a heartbeat so she activated her tactical cloak. The creatures paused as their prey disappeared from sight and Shepard took careful and silent steps away from them until she was far enough away before her cloak faded. Switching to her cryo ammo, she released a volley of fire that slowed the creatures down as they tried to advance on her again. Unable to keep pace with their prey the klixen were soon dispatched. Shepard heard more clicking sounds and scanned the area but found nothing. A few gun shots went off and then nothing. Another look showed that her team was gone as well "Mother fucker" Shepard breathed as she pressed her hand to the radio "Jack, come in" Shepard was greeted with silence "_Right_, interference. Forgot"

Following her own advice, Shepard followed the blue light before coming to the next console but it seemed someone had already activated it. Another trail of blue continued through the fog but still no sign of her team. She cursed whichever one of them decided it had been a good idea to move on without her. Hoping the three were at the next tower, Shepard followed the light. She came across more klixen which only proved a challenge to fight by herself. One of the red bugs had gotten too close and when it died it exploded. Shepard's shields were disabled and she was knocked on her back near the edge of a cliff. Her hand reached out for something to grab as her lower body slipped off the edge. Gripping the ground as best she could she slowed her descent but still slipped over the edge. Another grab and she found a solid protrusion of rock to hold onto before she could find out just how far down the chasm went. She tried to scramble up the cliff but her feet couldn't find any purchase and her fingers were losing their grip on the rock face.

_"Grab my hand!" Shepard glanced up to see a man leaning over the ledge, his hand extending out toward her. She tried to reach for the hand but it was a hair's breadth too far away. The man slid over the edge a little more and grabbed the Commander's hand "Come on, Shepard. You're going to have to help a little"_

_"I'm trying, Kaidan! Wasn't exactly my idea to go cliff diving just so you know!" the Commander grunted as the man began to pull her up and back onto solid ground. The two took in deep breaths before staggering back to their feet._

"Who the Hell is Kaidan?"

"What?" Shepard turned to the voice in confusion as it had turned from a deep voice to that of a woman. When she looked she found, not her old squad mate, but Jack who looked as pissed as ever and covered in bug blood. The woman stared at her impatiently as she waited for an answer. Shepard shook her head as she turned from the woman. She didn't want to think about him, about Virmire. Sometimes the memories of him hurt the most and she promised she wasn't going to break down crying like she did in front of Garrus when they reunited "He's no one"

"Whatever. Nice going with the buddy system there, boss" sarcasm dripped from the woman's mouth and Shepard didn't care. She had gotten used to the snappy, sarcastic woman. Hell, half the time it was fun talking to the biotic, especially conversations about becoming a pirate queen.

"Are you the one that activated the console?"

"Tch. _No_. I'm sure it was one of the meatheads. Men are stupid"

Gunfire could be heard in the distance up on one of the plateaus "Think we found our meatheads. Come on" Shepard found her fallen shotgun and started at a steady pace toward the sound of the firefight. It was strange that the sounds were coming from away from the path of the light but it was a good bet that Thane and Jacob would be there. As the two neared the peak the sound of gunfire ceased, only the sounds of low cursing could be heard. They broke through the fog and Jack almost tripped over a dead vorcha when they reached a clearing. A couple of Blood Pack laid dead and near a stack of crates was Jacob sitting on the ground with Thane kneeling over him. Jacob had a wound in the side of his leg, blood pouring from it. Thane seemed to be trying to stem the blood flow as he tied some sort of cloth around the leg.

"Shepard, there you are" Jacob was the first to notice the girls as they approached.

"Care to explain why you stepped off the beaten path? As I recall, I said wait at the tower if we got separated"

"Yeah… uh, we left for the console and found it activated when we got there" Jacob looked away in shame "I thought you had activated it, gone on ahead. Krios, here, wasn't as convinced but I ignored him. Got herded by those damn bugs until we bumped into the mercs. This hole in my leg? Could've been my head if not for the assa… if not for Krios"

"Guess that means they know we're here"

"A shuttle landed not far from here" Thane offered as he tried to help the dark skinned man up. The younger man stumbled but the drell caught him and slung one of Jacob's arms over his shoulder when he realized the man was going to have a hard time walking on his wounded leg "We might have some difficulty"

"Alright, we'll take it slow. You gentlemen stay behind us and provide support with your biotics. Remember to stay close. I don't think we can handle separating again on this planet"

"Right behind you, Shepard" Thane nodded as he helped Jacob walk.

The squad moved slow and silently to the next console and once activated, sent a beam to the location Thane said the shuttle had landed. The group stayed close together as they ascended another slope. Voices could be heard ahead, a deep booming voice ordering others around. It sounded like the mercenaries were shuffling crates around, possibly setting up cover for an inevitable fight. The fog cleared and the team was assaulted by gunfire as soon as they were spotted. They ducked behind crates and mining equipment. A krogan was leading half a dozen vorcha. Shepard and Jack focused on the advancing krogan as Thane and Jacob used their biotics to toss the vorcha about and keeping them distracted.

It took awhile but eventually the mercs were defeated. Shepard scanned the surrounding area and found one last console that could be used to shut off the mining equipment and held coordinates to the Blood Pack base. Shepard extracted the data before giving the order to return to the shuttle. Having Jacob move around on his injured leg wasn't a bright idea but splitting the team in two to retrieve the shuttle wasn't any better. Who knew how many creatures lurked nearby? Though luck seemed to shine down on them as no bugs stopped their path. The men stumbled onto the ship but a hand gripped Shepard's shoulder.

_She glanced over her shoulder to see the Lieutenant giving her a warm smile that soon turned to a sheepish grin "Can I request something, Commander?" The man shifted from foot to foot as he looked down at the ground nervously, waiting for a response._

"_What's on your mind?"_

"_Can I drive?" _

_Shepard gave a quizzical look "May I ask why?"_

"_No offense, Jean, but when you're running on adrenaline you're a little… crazy"_

"_And you're not?"_

"No… I'm crazier" the biotic woman gave a devilish smile "Come on, boss, promise I won't get a scratch on her"

Shepard tried to clear her head and weighed the pros and cons, mostly cons, of letting Jack pilot the shuttle back to the Normandy. Positive the woman wouldn't crash the ship to kill them while she's on it, Shepard gave a silent nod of approval before entering the Kodiak. Thane had set the human down on the seat before sitting across from him. Shepard sat down next to the assassin as Jack jumped in the shuttle in evil glee. Once the Kodiak's doors shut and the ventilation filtered out the poisonous air she pulled off her helmet and set it next to her. She was surprised by the next words that came from Jacob's mouth "Hey, Krios… Thanks" The drell nodded in response and Shepard felt a ping of accomplishment. It seemed that all that had to happen for the two to get along was one of them getting shot, which didn't actually sound like a good way to bring people together.

Shepard buckled up as the engines warmed up "Um, Shepard?"

"Yeah, Taylor?"

"If you're back here… then who's piloting the shuttle?"

"Jack" Shepard tightened her seat belt, holding back her smirk as she spotted the man's horrified look as he scrambled for his own seat belt. Next to her, Thane reached for his belt as well, grunting as he tightened the strap. The assassin did his best to look calm but Jeanette felt him stiffen next to her.

Though a little shaky and going at a very high speed, Jack kept her word and landed the Kodiak back in the docking bay without getting a single scratch on it. Shepard had to admit that the look on her squad's face was worth letting the mad woman drive. Maybe that made her a bad person but still… priceless. Shepard called for Chakwas as soon as the door opened only to barely dodge a giant blue boulder from slamming into her "Garrus!"

The turian grunted in acknowledgment as he pushed himself off the side of the shuttle. He lifted his fists in front of him as he moved back to the center of the docking bay that seemed to be filled with spectators that circled around a growling krogan. The two started throwing punches at each other and the first thought that came to Shepard's mind was "You'll spar Grunt but not me?"

"More afraid of you than him" Garrus ducked a swing and circled around "That and Zaeed bet me a nice sum of credits when I win"

"I said _if_ you win!" the veteran hollered over the crowd "Hope you don't mind, Commander, but this place was a little boring. Made a fight club while you were gone, no broken bones, promise"

"Why, may I ask, in the docking bay? We do have a perfectly good training room"

"We do but we couldn't fit everyone in there. Everyone placing bets wants to see the fight up close"

"Hey! Who votes Shepard takes on the winner?" Kasumi called from the top of some crates. The crowd cheered in agreement and people started making more bets.

"Fifty credits that Shepard wins!" Tali called.

"Make that a hundred on the krogan!" Jack yelled.

"We haven't even finished the round yet!" Garrus defended from the fighting ring.

"You won't last another minute, Turian" Jack retorted and Shepard couldn't wait for the biotic to lose her credits.


	13. Damn Pyjaks, Should Just Space Them

**Chapter 13**

"I'm going to commit murder!" that thought was the only thing driving Shepard at the moment, that and survival. The thought of beating Wrex to a pulp put a sinister smile on her face and the sounds of the krogan gurgling on his blood seemed like music to her ears.

Urdnot Wrex, now the clan leader, was one of her old friends and she had been excited about reuniting when the Normandy headed toward Tuchanka. Wrex was just as pleased when he saw Shepard trying to push her way past the krogan guards; he had launched from his seat and shoved the krogan aside. The two had clasped arms in a friendly greeting and caught up a little before Shepard got down to business.

Wrex had been very helpful with providing Shepard with one of the tanks to find Mordin's student and as it turned out Maelon had not been captured but had volunteered to cure the genophage. Though the goal was admirable, his methods were, to say the least, horrifying. He had taken a variety of test subjects, varren, infertile female krogans, and even some humans for their genetic diversity. They had been poked and probed and dissected to attain any useful data. The smell of rotted corpses had filled the hospital and krogan and vorcha stood in their path. At one point the group had been stopped by what seemed to be a representative for the clan. He spoke of dominating the galaxy, destroying their enemies, and _just kept talking. _While the man was distracted, the Commander had spotted a tank beneath the rambling krogan. The smell of gasoline ebbed from the tank and a small symbol of a fire lay on it as a clear warning. As the krogan went on, she couldn't help but feel pressured into just shooting the tank. It was close enough to kill him and take out the armor of the other krogans so she caved and pulled out her pistol and aimed, her final words "You talk too much" before she fired. The krogan laughed, thinking she had been aiming for him until the tank erupted and he was consumed by flames and became another corpse that Shepard walked over to continue her mission.

Throughout the search for his student, Mordin appeared to be going through some sort of moral crisis. Shepard and Mordin once had a conversation about the genophage. Mordin claimed that Shepard's view was naïve because she believed that it was wrong to do such a thing to any race, even the brutish krogan. Mordin claimed it was the best choice and a scientific breakthrough. The genophage was an achievement that if made wrong, could have made the krogan completely sterile. Now though, the salarian doctor could not stand the sight of the female krogans who gave their life just for the small possibility of having children.

Once they found Maelon the doctor seemed changed, he still believed that at the time the genophage was the best solution if morally wrong. He decided that a cure should be created now but that Maelon had gone too far. Had it not been for Shepard, Mordin would have murdered his pupil just to stop the monstrous experiments. She had stopped him from pulling the trigger and Mordin told Maelon to leave. Mordin stared at the data, unsure of what to do with it. He scrolled through the results and hummed occasionally at something of interest. Shepard told him to keep it. The experiments might have been wrong but the data could be used to find more humane ways of helping the krogan.

When the group returned, Mordin had left for the Normandy and Grunt flew back in the Kodiak. They returned to the clan leader and Wrex had been helpful in informing what was wrong with Grunt, which was _puberty_ of all things. Garrus did not seem overjoyed by the realization saying "Adolescence? Can't we just take him to Omega and buy him a couple of dances?" Shepard was inclined to agree but Wrex, like most of the time, ignored the turian and told Shepard that Grunt had to go through a Rite of Passage. Which is how she ended up here with a Thresher Maw breaking apart what little of the foundation still stood to eat the three of them. Wrex of all people knew she hated the giant worms and had left that bit of knowledge out about the Rite. She really was going to murder him.

"Mind if I help you with that, Commander?"

"Sure, Garrus! The more the merrier!" Jeanette rolled behind a concrete slab as the Thresher Maw shot out its venom. She heard the sizzling sound of the concrete being slowly dissolved as the ground rumbled. The goal was to survive here, just out last the Maw's interest and Grunt would pass his Rite, but that giant worm was pissing her off. _I wish I had the Mako_, Shepard thought, _I could just run that bitch over... followed by a certain Urdnot_.

The ground rumbled again as the beast popped up from the ground on the other side of the battlefield. It had a clear line of sight to the Commander and its venom flew toward her. Jeanette rolled again, barely dodging the acid as it struck the space the Commander had previously occupied. Tired of playing the scared mouse in this game, she pulled out the new grenade launcher she had modified during some spare time. It had auto-targeting meaning the missile would follow that worm anywhere. She ordered Garrus to stay back and keep up a constant rate of fire with his sniper and Grunt had moved up as close as he could, loading inferno rounds to eat away at the beast's natural armor plating.

"I can see you're busy, but I can also see you're getting a little peeved. I don't want to sound out of line but I'd rather you not charge head first at that thing" Garrus yelled over the noise of gunfire and the creature's screeching.

"Wasn't planning on it, but I want that thing dead, _now!"_ _Before I have another flashback_, Shepard added in the back of her mind. She could sense it, like a feeling of dread from the memories that were trying to surface. She could just feel the memories trying to break free, waiting for the right time to strike from the shadows. She could see the faces of the dead out of the corner of her eye, could barely hear their screams, almost like white noise, but she focused. Focused solely on the Thresher Maw, hoping that her focus would keep the memories away long enough to reach safety.

The Thresher Maw continued to dig its way underground only to pop up elsewhere and attack. The stone pillars continued to take damage, the concrete chipping away at every forceful hit, dissolving after the lightest touch of acid. Shepard only had a few more rockets left and made sure to aim her shots right. It was about timing now, wait for the exact moment the worm broke through the earth. Another spray of venom hit the pillar Shepard had hid behind before she rounded the corner and shot her last grenade and that was all it took. The beast gave a howling cry of pain before slumping to the ground dead as the ground shook for a final time.

Grunt hollered in victory as he jogged up to the Commander "It's dead!" Grunt started laughing "We killed a Thresher Maw! I knew joining you was the right decision" Grunt stopped though and smelled the air. Shepard stopped as well as she smelled a far too familiar scent of burning fuel before the group noticed a shuttle fly overhead, the markings of some clan on the side that Shepard didn't recognize. The team left to check out who had come and found it was the representative from Clan Gatatog. It was the same krogan who tried furiously to deny Grunt his Rite of Passage. Shepard had silenced Uvenk's earlier protests with her head connecting with his. Not the brightest idea she came up with as head butting a krogan _hurt_, but she got the message through none the less that Grunt had every right to be there.

Uvenk was followed by a small group of armored guards "You live, and you brought down a Thresher Maw. No one has done that in generations. Urdnot Wrex was the last"

Shepard felt a headache grow as she listened to the krogan. The man would not let go of the fact that Grunt was engineered regardless of passing his Rite. The man said his strength was a "tolerable loophole" if a mistake. The Commander was touched when Grunt was insulted that the ass in front of them practically spat on her name during the krogan's tirade. The man just wanted a trophy and at the first pause Jeanette let out an exasperated sigh "If I know Grunt, you're about five seconds from a shotgun up where the sun don't shine"

"You do know Grunt" the tank-bred krogan growled as he charged the leader, knocking him to the ground.

The two comrades gave each other a knowing look as they spotted one of the krogan pulling out a rocket launcher before they jumped for cover. Garrus continued shooting his sniper at a safe distance while Grunt moved up close with his shotgun. Shepard stayed at a medium distance, releasing a spray of bullets from her submachine gun. After just taking down a giant worm that could swallow the statue of Liberty whole, if it had still been in one piece, than a bunch of krogan only took a few seconds to dispatch.

Opting not to walk back to the camp seeing as the Shaman took the only Tomkah tank, Shepard hijacked the shuttle. The dead krogan weren't going to use after all. Shepard tried to ignore the sound of someone calling her name as she approached the pilot seat. _Tried_ being the keyword as Garrus had stopped her from entering the pilot seat. When she only gave him a confused look the turian pointed a talon at the bench "Sit, I need to check for any wounds"

"I think I would know if I was hurt, Garrus"

Garrus lead the reluctant Commander to a seat quickly as he ordered Grunt to take the pilot's seat. Once Shepard sat on the bench Garrus scanned over her with his eyes, catching every little detail and was relieved to find nothing. Some of her armor had melted off from the Maw's acidic spit but none of it had burned through to her skin. His concerned blue eyes landed on Jeanette's but as soon as they met the woman looked away and out the window, her face impassive. She knew he wasn't just worried about any physical injury, he was curious if she had at all been in what she now referred to as La La Land "I'm fine, Garrus. I was fully aware of my surroundings" and she didn't realize how much of a relief it was to be honest for once with her friend. She slammed her fist against the metal wall separating her from the pilot a few times "Go faster. I have to give Wrex a big ol' thank you"

"You mean your fist?" the two aliens chuckled at Shepard's inability to deny her desire to hit the krogan leader as the shuttle continued in the direction of the camp. Though Garrus had no problem with this, what he did have a problem with was that his friend refused to see the doctor until after confronting the clan leader. She might be fine physically but the woman had missed her usual appointment with Chakwas by coming down to the planet early in the morning. Couldn't Grunt meet with the leader by himself to finish his acceptance into Clan Urdnot? Apparently not as the Commander reiterated that she was fine and a few more minutes wouldn't kill anyone but the turian couldn't help but feel the Commander was purposefully putting off her check-up.

Wrex stood from his broken stone slab of a throne as soon as he spotted the three. He lumbered over to them with possibly the biggest smile on his face that Jeanette had ever seen "Shepard, you can't go anywhere without making trouble, can you? No one has defeated a Thresher Maw since my Rite. You keep showing me up an-"

The krogan didn't get a chance to finish that sentence as a fist connected with his jaw, the sound of it dislocating audible to all. The guards aimed their weapons but the leader was quick to placate them with a raised arm while the other hand reached for his chin. A crack sounded through the air as the krogan snapped his jaw back in place. He rolled his mouth around a little to make sure he was fine before speaking "Good to know you still have a quad"

"What the Hell did you expect? A Thresher Maw? _A Thresher Maw?_ I should feed you to the next one I see! I love you guys" the woman threw her arms out to indicate her squad and old friend "but half the time I just want to throw you all into a pit of lava!" the woman fumed, her breath coming in angry pants from yelling at the top of her lungs. She took one deep breath and felt a lot better. She could get as furious as a charging krogan but her anger usually dissipated after a good yelling.

"Even as clan leader I cannot divulge anything about the Rite, especially to outsiders. But you are alive and have passed the Rite" Wrex slowly turned to Grunt as he spoke "Do you, Grunt, wish to become part of Clan Urdnot?"

Shepard stayed quiet as she knew it was not her decision to make but she did make a mental note to kick the man if he said "no" as she did not just blow up a Thresher Maw for nothing. She watched the krogan look out over the ruins of Tuchanka for a time contemplating.

"_This is Tuchanka? This chunk of rock is barely worth standing on. Never thought I'd miss the tank"_

Shepard shook her head and a frown formed on her lips. That was a new development. She hadn't relapsed into more recent memories before. Normally it was her days before her death. Maybe it had just been a long day and the thought was fresh in mind. That had it be it but before she could think more on the matter Grunt turned back to the leader "It is in my blood. It is what I am for!" the krogan said with determination.

"Then welcome Urdnot Grunt. And Shepard" Wrex turned back to the blond woman "bring him back alive"

"What do you think I'm gonna do? Tell him to go eat a Reaper while I hang back and watch with a bag of popcorn?"

"I just know you, Jean. Always trouble around the next corner with you" there seemed to be a touch of affection in the old warlord's voice but had anyone pointed it out Jeanette knew they'd never see tomorrow or the next five seconds.

The three were about to leave before Joker called over the radio _"Uh... Shepard?"_

"Something wrong, Joker?"

_"Yeah, uh... it seems Mordin accidentally picked up some friends on his way back to the Normandy and well..." _Shepard almost jumped when a strange purring squeak filled her ears out of nowhere. The sound was familiar but she couldn't place it. A small scuffle and cursing could be heard followed by the familiar purr like rumbling sound. That's when it clicked.

"Don't tell me"

_"We've got some pyjaks running around the ship"_ the pilot's voice was small, as though he was afraid he'd be punished just for speaking. Which was a safe assumption as the squad saw Shepard's eye twitch at the news. Jeanette turned to the clan leader, who for the most part did not seem particularly enthused about the pyjaks either "I hate to cut this reunion short but I need to kick the space monkeys off my ship"

"Never liked those damn vermin. Hmm, you know, I owe you a favor so how about I lend you Urz. He's taken a liking to you and he can sniff out a pyjak a star system away" Wrex retrieved the varren who out of all the varren Shepard had met was the friendliest.

The varren came galumphing at her, his yellow scales and purple stripes shining under the Tuchanka sun. His large purple eyes beamed up at her once he neared while a cat-like rumble could be heard from the beast's chest. The varren stood on his hind legs, his front claws lightly scratching at the Commander's chestplate as he started licking her face. Jeanette patted Urz on the head and gently pushed him off "Thanks, Wrex. I'll bring him back once his tummy's full"

Shepard turned to leave with the varren close on her heels and was just about to walk through the large doors when the warlord called her. She turned to see a seriously stern face on the krogan "Don't die this time" Wrex kept a steady gaze to make sure the Commander got his point.

"_Hell, you've done more for me than my family ever did" Shepard stared down the krogan, the barrel of his shotgun aimed at her. His red eyes held her blue ones, emotions ran through them, hate, sincerity… regret. It didn't matter that a gun was in her face, she knew she couldn't pull the trigger. Wrex had become a friend and no amount of logic could convince her to shoot him. She lowered her own gun as she let the scarred krogan continue "I need to know we're doing this for the right reasons"_

"Shepard?" Garrus grabbed her arm as she stumbled, one of the latest side affects to the flashbacks. They had continued getting worse and now the flashbacks brought not only nose bleeds but dizziness as well. One glance showed that Wrex had noticed but the warlord said nothing about it as she pushed the turian away and headed toward the shuttle, determined not to show weakness in front of her friends. Wrex had no idea what was going on and she planned on keeping it that way. Too many times she had been helpless to stop the memories but she wasn't going to let people coddle her, though she was positive Wrex would be the last person she suspected would _coddle_.

The team said nothing else as the kodiak took off to return to the Normandy. The Commander had radioed ahead to warn the crew not to shoot the varren while he cleaned house. The shuttle docked and Shepard leapt out with Urz not far behind and departed for the elevator without a word because she knew that if she stopped to say one word to Garrus he would launch into questions about her well being or drag her to the medical bay. If one more person asked her if she was okay she was sure to lose it, assuming she wasn't insane already.

One good thing about having the varren aboard was that everyone gave the Commander a wide berth while it stayed at her side. She was able to deposit her gear without a single crew member stopping her and changed into her usually brown clothes and blue sleeves. She hadn't really had any time to go clothes shopping so she was stuck with what Cerberus gave her. The brown work clothes were one of the few things without a Cerberus insignia and the blue sleeves kept her warm. Most of the ship was cool, bordering on cold and Jeanette was use to the heat. Even Urz seemed a little chilly now that he wasn't baking under the Tuchanka sun but his constant roaming of the ship seemed to keep him warm enough.

The next few hours Jeanette had spent following Urz around as he sniffed out the pyjaks. By EDI's biometric readings there were thirteen of the space monkeys roaming around. How Mordin accidently picked up thirteen pyjaks without noticing was beyond her but at the moment she just wanted them off her ship. Jeanette knew the yellow skinned varren couldn't eat that many so they had just hunted them down and stuffed them in a crate with breathing holes to deposit them back on the radioactive rubble the krogan called home. So far the two had found eleven of the trouble making space monkeys but the last two had gotten clever. EDI informed her that one of them had found its way into the ducts and had been messing with some of the electrical wiring, lucky for the ship nothing crucial had been taken offline. However, Jeanette knew that there was no way Urz could crawl through the ducts, not the ones that required climbing up anyway, so she had sent the varren to sniff out the other one while Jeanette found a nearby maintenance access.

It wasn't as cramped as she feared it would be, she still had to crawl on her hands and knees but she had plenty of breathing room. Jeanette had EDI do a scan of the ship to locate the pyjak but one of the wires the pyjak had pulled was her interior ship sensors so she was left in the dark, literally. She had to use her omni-tool to light a path as the emergency lights in the shafts weren't operational either. She started from the top and slowly worked her way down to the bowels of the Normandy. She reached the engineering deck and there was still no sign of the pyjak. Hours of searching for one pyjak and nothing.

_"Damn vermin" the krogan rumbled as the squad leapt out of the Mako "This data module ought to be worth it"_

_"This would go faster" Jeanette calmly replied before her voice turned dangerously threatening "If a certain Urdnot Wrex helped instead of complaining!"_

_Admiral Hackett had sent an urgent message about a downed satellite that contained valuable information about the Alliance and that it would give any enemies an advantage against them. Reports had also shown that geth had been seen in the star cluster and the Normandy was the closest Alliance ship. She had taken a small team and found the crashed satellite, however, the data module had already been taken. Kaidan had found small foot prints in the ground and Wrex had given a sound of irritation once he recognized it belonged to pyjaks. The three had already gone to three areas that belonged to the space monkeys but they had found no sign of the data after a thorough search._

_Now the Commander leaned over another pyjak, her hands patting the monkey down thoroughly. The monkey gave a squeak of surprise before it started making a purring sound. Wrex called them vermin but Jeanette was inclined to call them perverted as every one of them seemed pleased by her touching. She moved on to the next one and saw the lieutenant patting his own pyjak, the monkey giving him a pleased sound as well. She turned to see Wrex giving a death glare to one of the pyjaks that was jumping up and down and hooting at him. She saw his fingers twitching near his gun "Unless you want to be stuck here for several more hours I suggest you start feeling up some monkeys, they're gonna be you're new best friend"_

Jeanette breathed as she felt her vision turn a little blurry and her head begin to ache. Blood had dripped on to the metal beneath her hands so she grabbed the rag she started carrying around lately and wiped her nose before cleaning the blood from the ducts' floor. Ignoring the small throbbing pain in her head she continued her way through engineering. Every now and again she heard muffled conversations but ignored them as she wasn't about to spy on her crew. A loud squeak could be heard up ahead, echoing through the small space, along with a banging against the ducts' walls. She followed the sound until she came across a vent. She peered out to see Garrus banging on the wall and heard him curse "Damn pyjaks. Mordin should be lucky the Commander is only hunting them down" the turian shook his head, knowing full well that he couldn't possibly fit into the ducts to find the varmint. He turned his attention around before speaking again "So what is it you called me down here for, Tali?"

Jeanette watched the quarian come into view, her back against the Commander as she approached Garrus. Tali wrung her hands in her usual nervous habit meaning whatever she had to say was important. Jeanette knew better than to listen in on their conversation and started her crawl through the small space but stopped just passed the vent when she heard the quarian speak "It's about Jean" Knowing that staying would be a bad idea her brain told her body to move but it seemed rooted in place "Are you..." Tali paused, as though trying to find the right words "Are you sure it's her?"

"I'm not sure I understand"

"Jean died, Garrus! Dead for two years and now she just pops up out of nowhere"

"Cerberus was rebuilding her, she had no way of making contact!"

"I'm not accusing her of not seeking us out! I'm not questioning her loyalty to her friends like Ashley"

The conversation was starting to heat up but still Jeanette could not leave. She wanted to know what it was that Tali was saying. She turned her back to the wall of the ducts and sat down as she had no courage to stare out the vent next to her. Garrus seemed determined to defend the Commander as the conversation continued "Then what are you saying? She's been with us through thick and thin, she remembers things that only the real Commander Shepard would know"

"You know how crafty Cerberus is, maybe... she's just a highly developed VI with Jean's personality or worse, an AI" Jeanette felt sick to her stomach, not because her own friend did not believe she was the real Shepard but because she herself had asked such a similar question. Was there any way to truly know if she was genuine? Jeanette doubted it "I want to believe it's her but... it just seems too good to be true"

A sigh left the turian as he thought about what the quarian had said "I... understand how you feel, Tali. Back on Omega I saw her through my scope. I froze for a second, had almost pulled the trigger on her because I mistook her for one of the mercs. It looked like her and I thought I had finally gone crazy from the stims I'd been using. I noticed small imperfections like the scar under her right eye was gone, there were glowing red scars and her eyes seemed unnaturally blue. I was ready to pull the trigger to end my hallucination but something yelled at me not to shoot, so I didn't. Maybe she's not Jean but is it so bad to believe it is? I owe her everything"

"_We_ owe her everything" Jeanette heard the quarian move and she finally peeked through the vent. Her two friends were embracing each other and a sob came from the young woman "I missed her so much" another sob came from Tail as her body trembled.

Garrus held her firmly as he whispered to her "Me too. She needs us now"

"Do you really think you're plan will work?" _Plan? _Jeanette thought, _what plan?_

"The two of them are always talking and after that one... chat I had with Thane, I think he's perfect for the job" _What does Thane have anything to do with this? _"The chat was kind of creepy though"

"What do you mean?" the quarian stepped a little back from Garrus as her body calmed, the sound of tears slowly leaving her voice.

"Well, we were just talking about sniper rifles and I had mentioned how Jean had been eyeing this prototype, the Raptor. All of a sudden he starts on this… tangent, I guess, and all I caught from it was 'sea blue eyes you could happily drown in.' It freaked me the Hell out"

"I still don't understand why it bothered you"

"Have you ever had a long conversation with him?"

"Not really"

"Well, drell have acute memories and they can recall anything in perfect clarity. When they remember something they _apparently _have to recite it to you as well"

"So he wasn't really talking about sea blue eyes but remembering them?"

"Yeah. He quickly apologized once he realized what happened… still freaky"

Tali cocked her head in thought as she brought a hand to her chin "Sea blue eyes? Do think he meant Jean?"

"It's possible. I had just mentioned her right before his… relapse into memories. But that outburst is exactly why I think he would be perfect for Jea-" but before Garrus could continue his omni-tool blared to life, the orange glow being accompanied by a small beep. Garrus tap a few buttons until a small screen floated just above his arm. His eyes scanned whatever was on the holo and his expression soon turned sour. A wild fire lit in his eyes and his mandibles clenched tightly to his jaw. His body grew rigid as he gave Tali a curt goodbye before leaving engineering.  
><em><br>_Jeanette's eavesdropping halted as the sound of the squeaking pyjak rang through the shaft and her reason for being there in the first place came crashing back. She wanted those things off her ship and she wanted them off now. She scurried through the ducts, making as little noise as she could as to not disturb the crew. The pyjak kept squeaking and Jeanette had an easy time following the sound. It led her back up into what she was sure the crew deck but she had to stop at a four-way intersection. Jeanette listened carefully, closing her eyes so she could focus on the smallest of sounds but she didn't hear even the small patter of feet. She growled in frustration, choosing a tunnel at random and almost hit her head on the roof from surprise as Kasumi appeared in front of her. The thief had a smile on her face though it was sheepish.

"What are you doing?" Jeanette couldn't help to be suspicious with the look she was receiving from hooded woman. Who exactly went crawling around ship ducts anyway? Besides the Commander because she had a perfect excuse.

"Just keeping my skills sharp, Shep. No harm in that is there?"

"What did you do?"

"I didn't take anything if that's what you're implying"

"_What_ did you _do_?"

"Oh, you're no fun. If you must know, I was following a certain dre-"

Kasumi was cut off by the murderous glare Shepard was giving over the thief's shoulder, a finger pointing accusingly past her "That's mine!" Kasumi turned to the squeak of surprise to see a small white furred pyjak. In its little claws it held a holo but the pyjak was waving it around furiously so the thief couldn't tell what the image was "You give that back you fur ball!" As the creature scurried away the Commander almost shoved Kasumi aside as she chased after the ball of fur. Kasumi received a quick apology as the blond haired woman turned a corner.

"Well that was interesting" the thief muttered as she scanned each shaft at the intersection "Now where did that drell go?"

Uncaring as to why Kasumi was crawling around through the ducts, Jeanette continued her pursuit. The pyjak was fast but it seemed too scared to think its path through, it would stop at an intersection and look at its choices but inevitably just flew down whichever one. After turning a corner she saw the monkey just sitting down in the middle of the shaft, its ears pinned to its head and its back turned to her. She took the opportunity to sneak up on it and once within reach she practically leapt on it. The pyjak squeaked but gave no struggle when Jeanette held it, in fact it started to purr as though in Jeanette's hands was the safest place to be.

"Weirdo space monkey" Jeanette muttered. A small coughing sound, like someone clearing their throat, brought her attention to in front of her. She watched a shadow in the vent move closer before green scales shone in the soft orange light of her omni-tool "Thane? What are yo-" and before another word could be uttered a screech of metal was the only warning before the vent Jeanette hadn't realized she been on gave way and she tumbled head first out. Flipping over in the air she landed on her back and the air in her lungs blew out at the hard impact with the metal floor. She groaned as she turned to her side, her vision greeted by the vast stars past the large window. She pushed herself to her hands and knees but she was not in the mood to go much further with the pain that lanced up her spine. Another groan left her and the pyjak she had let go of during the fall walked up to her and rubbed its head against her arm as it continued purring.

"Shepard" Jeanette turned her gaze to see Samara sitting on the floor, meaning she must have landed in the starboard observation. The asari, like usual, was meditating. Her biotics glowed around her feminine form as she held a small singularity field in front of her. Her focus never seemed to waiver and she seemed unperturbed by the Commander's surprise visit "Thane" the Justicar greeted as the assassin leapt from the duct and landed on his feet. He offered Jeanette his hand which she took gratefully. He pulled her slowly to her feet and held her as she swayed slightly.

"Sorry about the disturbance, Samara. I'll fix the vent"

"Do not worry, Shepard" came the asari's calm reply. Her biotics flared and the vent floated back to the ceiling along with the screws that had come loose. The biotic energy twisted the screws back into place and the vent looked as though a full grown woman hadn't just crashed through it a few moments ago.

"Why can't I do that?" Jeanette asked wistfully even though she knew the answer. She didn't have biotic abilities.

She was barely aware of the warm scaly hands on her exposed skin on her arms. It left a pleasant buzz on her skin and Jeanette finally turned her eyes to the assassin. The man looked as though trying to piece words together but the moment shattered when the pyjak climbed up Jeanette and into her arms. Thane took a step back before speaking "She-"

"_Commander Shepard" _EDI's synthesized voice boomed over the intercom _"Officer Vakarian would like to speak with you in the Main Battery"_

"Thank you, EDI"

"_Also, doctor Chakwas and professor Solus 'requested' your presence in the med bay as soon as possible"_

Jeanette gave the two a quick goodbye as she hurried out of the room with a purring pyjak in her arms. She was unaware of the frustrated look from the assassin. Thane sighed as the doors swooshed closed behind the Commander. He had come across some rather disquieting news and had wished to speak with her. At first, he had thought he could wait till after she was done removing the creatures from the ship but he grew anxious. He soon had found himself crawling through the ducts to find the Commander. Childish of him perhaps but he wished to resolve the matter quickly. Though it seemed like his news would have to wait.

From the corner of his eye, Thane noticed the glare from a small holo. He had seen the pyjak carrying it and it must have fallen from the vent. He gently picked it up and couldn't help but look at it. A man, seventeen or eighteen years of age, with sandy blond hair stared ahead. His blue eyes held laughter and his smile easily reached his eyes. A smudge of oil coated his left cheek and his hand was smeared with oil as well as he held a small toolbox. Behind him sat an old looking car with its engine showing, which clearly meant the man had been working on it. What really caught the assassin's attention was the reflection in the car's window. A young woman stood holding the camera and the facial features were unmistakable, it was Shepard.

A smile tugged at his lips as he stared at the younger version of his Commander but it soon turned to a frown as he focused back on the man. His brows furrowed as tried to think of whom the man could be, it must be someone important if the Commander had a holo of him. Thane could not help but feel something churn in his gut but pushed it down as he turned the picture off. He was suddenly aware that he had been standing in front of Samara and turned to her to apologize but stopped at the look he received. It said "I know something you don't" while the asari kept up her meditative stance.

While Thane contemplated what exactly the Justicar knew, Jeanette was listening to an angry turian "Your people have a saying: An eye for an eye"

"Makes the whole world go blind" the woman cut in before Garrus could continue "If you're going to spout human sayings at least read the entire thing"

"Look, you don't have to agree with me but I'd like your help"

Jeanette knew this day would come. Part of her hoped that Sidonis would just disappear from the face of the universe but even if that did happen, Garrus probably still would have continued to sniff him out. One way or another she would help her friend, she just hoped they both made the right decision in the end "We'll go to the Citadel. Needed to head that way anyway"

"Thanks, Jean. I'll be here when you need me" and with that the turian retreated back into the Main Battery.

Jeanette turned away, not really wanting to think much about the conversation at the moment. Maybe after she cleared her head with a good night's rest she would think of her next move. She started toward the med bay, knowing she couldn't delay the visit any longer but she was halted as she heard the cat-like growl of Urz. The varren trotted around the corner with a dead pyjak hanging from its jaws. It was at that moment Jeanette was glad that she had handed off the other pyjak to the first crew member she had come across and told them to place it in the crate in the shuttle bay.

She bent down and rubbed the varren behind his head "Who's a good lizard-dog? You are, oh, yes. I… _eewww_, no. I... I don't want a dead pyjak" Jeanette carefully lifted the carcass from her lap after the varren had dropped it there. She sighed as she saw purplish blood staining her pants. She had just cleaned the last of the blood stains out of her clothes and now she would have to clean them again "Come on, Urz. Let's go see what the doctors want and then I'll take you home"

The varren happily trailed the Commander as she continued holding the dead pyjak by the tail at arm's length.


	14. A Fight Between Family and Friends

**Chapter 14**

Jeanette paced back and forth impatiently in the C-Sec office and wondered if it was really possible to wear a hole in the floor from walking on the surface too much. If it was possible she couldn't help but feel sorry for anyone who might be standing on the floor directly below her. After all, having someone in heavy metal armor land on you is not as fun as it sounds and she would know.

Her eyes flickered to her companions who had equal expressions of impatience. Garrus stood ramrod straight at the door to the lobby, his eyes scanning the crowd like a hawk in search of Kelham or maybe he was still focused on Sidonis, Jeanette couldn't be sure. Thane stood not far from the Commander, hands behind his back but in place of his usual mask of calm his face showed a hint of anxiety and she only saw it because she was looking for it. The man had years of practice to hide his emotions from prying eyes but she knew he wasn't in the least bit calm. Jeanette stopped her frantic roaming, figuring she wasn't helping the assassin's nerve or her own.

They had been waiting for Captain Bailey for more than fifteen minutes now. He had left to arrest Elias Kelham and bring him in for the squad to interrogate in the hopes of finding Thane's son. The news that he even had a son took the Commander by surprise but she had let the drell say all he had to before speaking a word. Thane had waited patiently outside the med bay until Jeanette was done with her check-up. The two took the conversation to Life Support as the man had fidgeted nervously while out in the open. She couldn't shake the thought of her accidentally pushing Thane back into a memory she had no right to know about.

_His eyes dart back and forth, clearly not seeing what was directly in front of him, not seeing her but something else entirely. Words spill from his mouth without his permission and Jeanette can't tell if listening is a violation of his privacy but she can't help but stand, frozen in place there as he spoke "It's raining. It always rains on Kahje"_

A sigh escaped the Commander as she did her best to push the memory down, rubbing her temples as though it would magically make her forget. The memory he was forced to relive was the one of his wife's funeral and his son, a scared and confused kid, who had kicked and screamed as they set her body adrift on the sea. That talk was almost two days ago where the assassin informed her that his son had taken a contract to take a man's life on the Citadel. She could still remember the scowl she had received from Garrus as she told him that finding Sidonis would have to wait until after they found Kolyat. Garrus did his best to speed things along but it did not really help and now the turian was more anxious than before which only added to her worries. An angry turian was no laughing matter and seeing that the turian was her best friend made her twitchy. She had taken an alien cultural class back in basic but that didn't mean she knew how to calm every species. Each race had a unique way of interacting and getting past that cultural barrier was always a challenge. How did one calm a turian?

Another minute past before a man, presumably Kelham, was being dragged by two C-sec officers through the door and once he had been pulled into the interrogation room Bailey stepped from a separate room and into the office "He'll be expecting me to get him out of this"

"Not today I think" Thane stepped forward next to the Commander as he replaced his nervous face with a neutral expression.

Arguing could be heard over by the entrance and Jeanette saw Garrus keeping a man in a fancy suit from entering. The turian held up his hands to placate the man but he would have none of it. Soon more officers approached the outraged man in order to calm him. Jeanette could make out a few angry words about the law before Bailey spoke "Aw, shit. It's his lawyer. I'll keep him busy, you two get in there and act fast" Bailey hastened toward the fuming lawyer while Jeanette turned to the assassin.

"We should question him together, keep the pressure on. Thoughts on how we approach?"

"Plan?" Some people liked to think that Shepard was strategically genius, like that of a chess player who had thought of several different outcomes ahead of time. In reality her strategy was to think on her feet, quick on the draw and resourceful. Some called that just being reckless but it worked for her. She never saw the point of thinking of every contingency when you had no idea what you were walking into until you passed through the door. There was inevitably one choice you can make at any given time. Today wasn't going to be any different. Jeanette adjusted her visor, switching the screen that hung over her right eye to read heart rates "I hope you learn fast, Krios. This is going to require some improv. We'll test the water and see which temperature gives us the best result and then we'll nail him"

Thane gave a hesitant nod "I'll follow your lead"

Jeanette heard the silent "I hope you know what you're doing" at the end of his sentence and gave a silent reply of her own, _I hope so too._ Jeanette motioned for Thane to follow as they entered the interrogation chamber. The man was cursing up and down, pulling at his restraints until he spotted the two "Who the Hell are you two?"

"We'll be asking the questions, Mr. Kelham" the Commander replied calmly as she slowly found her way behind the man, checking her visor for the slightest fluctuation.

"You hired a drell to kill a man. We need the target's name" Thane walked in the opposite direction, hands behind his back as usual, and stopped right in front of Elias.

"I want my advocate"

"You apparently haven't noticed, but we're not C-sec. No deals, no due process, no advocate"

"That's supposed to scare me? You two are way in over your heads. Bailey won't let you touch me"

"Bailey doesn't know you're here" Jeanette paced with an air of calm behind the man. She hoped that by staying only in the man's peripheral vision she would make him nervous and she was right. The man's heart had stopped for just a fraction of a second as she spoke from behind "But he will. _After_ we're done"

"You're not the only one who can by off C-sec, Kelham"

"What are you, frog boy? Her little apologist? What kid, you going to bore into confession? Come on, hit me. I dare you"

Jeanette was tempted but she had a better idea "Bore you? No" in the blink of an eye the Commander had pulled out her pistol and put it under the man's chin. Her visor read a jump in the man's heart rate "I had thought about bluffing, make you think I'd pull the trigger but people tell me I don't have a good poker face" a lie, everyone knew better than to play poker with her.

Jeanette eased back and into the man's view as she sheathed her sidearm. Thane came to stand next to her, his voice steady "You think we're doing the old routine of 'Good cop, Bad cop,' don't you?"

"We're not. We're both the good cops. The badass is on the other side of that door. Look, we're not after you, just the assassin. Tell us who the target is and you'll never see us again. If you don't" Jeanette gave a small shrug as she looked toward the door "then things get ugly"

"You're… you're just bluffing" she saw the hint of doubt in the man's eyes and knew all she had to do was close the deal.

"Fine, come on" Jeanette nodded toward the door. The two walked back around the man the same way they came in, one on either side before muttering just loud enough for Kelham to hear "It's not like the guy thinks you need fingers to talk, just a tongue. Hey, you remember last week?"

Thane gave a nod "I never thought I'd see the day a krogan cried"

"Right? I told the poor sod our partner was an impatient nut job" Jeanette was mildly surprised at how well the drell improvised, it was like he could read her mind. She made a mental to check the extranet to see if drell had telepathic abilities later.

Just before they reached the door a bang resounded off of it. It was loud and quickly followed by another before a growling and angry voice spoke "Are you done yet?" Jeanette bit her cheek to keep from laughing. She constantly told people they had horrible timing but Garrus? Garrus had perfect timing.

"Alright! I'll tell you!" the two turned back to the man "Joram Talid. He's a turian. You better hurry, he's in the eight hundred blocks"

"Get out of my way" the doors slid open, revealing the lawyer who pushed past the angry turian "Get away from my client"

"You tricked me" Elias glared at the two when he realized his advocate was there but all Jeanette did was smirk down at the man.

"Sure did" Jeanette turned and left, ignoring the shouts and insults thrown at her. She slapped Garrus on the back as she headed toward Bailey, ignoring the perplexed expression she got as she spoke "Remind me I owe you a drink later"

"So, you get the name?"

"Joram Talid, eight hundred blocks. We need there now"

The Captain gave a nod and ordered an officer to drive them. During the ride, the officer had told them what they knew about Talid. He was an anti-human politician and voting was right around the corner. His anti-human campaign was probably why Kelham wanted him dead.

The squad made it to the neighborhood in record time thanks to the C-Sec vehicle. Once there they searched for the turian and spotted him talking to some voters with a lumbering krogan bodyguard behind him. When asked, Thane told them that it was best to follow silently and keep an eye out for Kolyat. Garrus and Jeanette found their way to the walkways above to keep a constant eye on the politician while the drell kept to the shadows to get a different angle.

Jeanette had wanted to leave Garrus back at C-Sec with his attitude running amuck but he had seemed adamant about coming with. Her worries ebbed away as the man appeared more focus now that he had something to do, something that kept his mind off Sidonis. Satisfied that he wouldn't be a problem for the time being she kept her gaze on the turian below.

The team followed closely and Jeanette made sure to stay out of the emergency lights above to avoid a leaving a shadow that could flicker in the turian's sight. Garrus, not quite as stealthy stood farther away. The smallest thing could alert the politician or his bodyguard and if they had the feeling they were being followed it would tip off Koylat and he would most likely take the chance to flee before they could even get to him. While Jeanette kept her eyes on the politician, Garrus honed in on the surrounding area for any signs of a drell. They kept in constant radio contact with Thane and updated him every step of the way when he didn't have a good angle.

The two were about to lose sight of the turian and hurried into a small room they hoped would lead them back to the politician. A young man heard the doors slide open and turned, immediately questioning why the two were there and the Commander did the first thing that came to mind, to bullshit "What are we doing here? What are you doing here? There's a bomb!"

"A what? But-"

"Go! Before it explodes!" she watched the man flee in terror the way they had come and she tensed just a tad as she heard a small dark chuckle leave her friend. Not wanting to let Thane down, Jeanette raced out of the room as she pushed down her worry for Garrus. The doors slid open and she saw Joram and his bodyguard nearing the apartments. Movement caught her eye, it was a blue scaled drell shoving a man aside. She raced to the end of the platform and gripped the railing "Kolyat!"

Everyone turned to look up at the Commander and she saw a look of surprise and confusion pass across the drell's face before he turned back around and started firing a pistol. It was clear he had no real training with it as three shots went off and only one hit the krogan. It was a lucky shot too as the bodyguard fell over, unable to stay standing. Joram raced for the apartments with Kolyat right on his tail. Jeanette leapt down from the walkway, ignoring the pain in her legs from the height of the fall, and pursued "Thane!"

"I saw" the assassin appeared next to her and the sound of another set of feet landing on the ground indicated Garrus wasn't far behind them. They raced through the building until they came to the room Joram had fled to. Jeanette had her pistol out and aimed at Kolyat who had his own gun to the turian's head.

The young drell faltered at the sight of his father but surprise soon turned to anger. He didn't bother to hide the distain in his gravelly voice "Is this a joke? Now? Now you show up?"

"Put the gun down!" Jeanette was back to her idea that everyone had bad timing as Bailey and some C-Sec officers came into the room. Flashing red and blue lights poked past the blinds of the room and the sound of sirens were muffled by its thick walls.

"I'm leaving and he's coming with me!"

"They'll have snipers outside" Thane tried explain but his son yelled at him.

"I don't need your help. I'm leaving and you-" Koylat ducked his head at the sound of a gun firing. He heard something crash as it hit the floor behind him. A quick look showed that someone had shot the lamp just next to his head and as he turned around a fist connected with his face. The gun dropped from his hand involuntarily as he staggered back. He saw the blond woman pull the turian to his feet and barked at him to leave. He growled at the woman as he held the side of his face with one hand "You bitch!"

"Kolyat" Thane approached his son as the Commander took a step back once she picked up the pistol from the floor. Thane tried soothing words as the boy barked at him. Jeanette couldn't bear to see the fight before her, too many memories lingering in her mind from a similar incident with family. It seemed though that the words were starting to work on the boy, his hatred turned into confusion at his father's mention of tracking down his wife's killers. Kolyat listened as Thane told him he had hunted down the men and made them suffer.

Tears leaked from the boy's eyes but his anger began to rise once more "Even if what you say is true you still left me! Give me one good reason why I should listen to you!"

"Because you'll regret it if you don't!" everyone in the room turned a shocked look toward the Commander who had screamed loud enough to wake the star system over, even Thane and his son stood in shock. They saw the woman's body shake from anger and saw her own regret flash in her eyes. She pointed a finger at Kolyat as she took one step forward "Your father came here to make this right! He's alive, right here and now but he might not be here next week. Hell, he might be dead tomorrow! You walk out that door now and you'll always ask 'what did he have to say?' And this" the woman visibly choked on her words "this is coming from experience"

Jeanette saw the doubt on his face and her body shook more "You don't believe me? I tell you something I haven't told anyone" she didn't want to, she really didn't want to talk about it, not in front of her best friend and especially not in front of strangers but she couldn't think of a better way to get through to the boy "My mother… for years I thought she hated me. She would call me stupid or my friends stupid, she was never there for me when I was a kid but she was there for my brother. Those two got along like two peas in a pod but any time I wanted to hang out with my mother she would say 'I'm busy' or 'I'm tired' or 'I have to go to work soon.' She had no respect for me but thought the universe of my brother. At one point my mother just left me alone. I don't know what changed but for months she didn't call me stupid or anything. Maybe someone finally got it through her head that I felt hated but I don't know. One day though, everything went back to normal, straight down to the insults but it went beyond a heated argument and I'll never forget it"

Jeanette let the memory take over as she continued to speak, letting her feelings be voiced as she looked straight into Kolyat's eyes.

"_Don't give me that look!" Jeanette almost cried. She knew that look well, it was the one she received from her mother just about every day of her life. Jeanette had dubbed it the "are you stupid?" look._

_Her parents had been arguing again and for what could possibly be the hundredth time she wondered why they ever got married. Her family couldn't go one week without some fight breaking out and the worst part about it was that they argued about the stupidest things you could think of. Just the other week the family had driven to a nearby store and was about to park in their usual spot when Jeanette's father saw the sign that said it was reserved parking for the store next door. Her mother had complained furiously about how he should park there anyway and sue if the other store didn't like it. Jeanette and her brother had immediately gotten out of the car as the two began yet another argument._

_This time the argument had been about her brother who only had a few more days before he graduated high school. He had been in a mood lately due to their parents fighting and had become disobedient and didn't do anything around the house. Their father had yelled at him for being a lazy brat but Jeanette knew better. Jason had been working at a job since he was sixteen and paid for his own car insurance, giving their parents the money every time the bill came. Not only did he have a job but had school. How her parents expected him to work nights, go to school during the day, and find enough time to sleep after doing chores was beyond her comprehension._

_Now though, he not only paid for his insurance but lent money to their parents because it had become harder to pay the bills and Jason knew he would never see that money again. Jeanette just couldn't wrap her head around how parents' brains functioned. Were they crazy or did they just love bitching? Either way Jeanette had stepped in and defended her brother. At one point in time everyone in the house agreed she was the level headed one but a lot of the time no one wanted to listen to a word she said because she was younger than everyone else and thus too stupid to know what she was saying. Today seemed no different as her mother had stalked out of the bedroom fuming and yelling, wondering what was going on._

_Her mother began yelling at her father who yelled back. The argument soon turned from about Jason to about Jeanette. She didn't know how or why the anger was shifted to her, it just was. Her mother started yelling at her, her voice drowning out her brother's protests and as usual her father had stayed quiet. He was always quiet when Jeanette was yelled at by her mother. She never knew why, she got along with her father. Why wouldn't he help her?_

_Her mother called her ungrateful, lazy, stupid, and then "Useless, that's what you are you disrespectful brat! I'll look at you anyway I want! This is my house!" Jeanette watched as her mother lifted up a nearby glass vase. Her mother had a tendency of throwing things when mad. She would toss something aside and not care if it broke. Her front door was proof of that as the woman had thrown an electric drill at it when she had a fight with Jeanette's father and left a giant dent in the door. So Jeanette knew what was coming next… or at least she thought she did. No matter how mad her mother got the woman never threw anything at someone, just to the side but this time the vase flew straight at her. _

_Jeanette's hands flew up to cover her face just before the vase impacted. The glass shattered and Jeanette's arms hurt as blood ran down them, glass shards digging into her skin. Fear, shock and most of all hatred filled her, her stomach was churning painfully as she removed her hands. She saw horror and guilt cross her mother's face but she didn't believe it. After all these years Jeanette refused to believe the woman's concern was genuine, just another lie that would spill from the hateful woman if given the chance. So Jeanette didn't give her that chance "I hate you!" Jeanette screamed at the top of her lungs before turning on her heel and racing out the door. _

_She heard her mother call after her but ignored it, ignored the pleading voice because once again she refused to believe that woman, refused to believe the last words that chased after her "I'm sorry! Jean!" She kept running and didn't look back until she had found herself in the woods but only to check to see if anyone had followed._

_It was hours before Jeanette dared to trudge back home. She had hid behind some trees until she saw her parents drive off in the car. Once the vehicle was out of sight she left for the house. She took one step inside before she was greeted by her brother "They left"_

"_I know"_

"_What are you doing?" Jason followed Jeanette to her room and watched as she pulled out a suitcase and started stuffing clothes in it._

"_I can't stay here"_

"_Jean" He saw the blood on her arms had dried and was now beginning to flake off. He also noticed how there were still a few shards left buried in her skin. He reached for her arm but she flinched away from him._

"_No! I can't sit here and wait for them to come back only for mom to yell at me more or pretend this never happened, either way won't fix anything. I'm going to stay with a friend until… until that woman knows how to treat her own damn child!"_

_Jason threw his hands up in defeat and walked out of the house, he knew she was right. Her family didn't know how to fix squat and that only meant trouble later because no one could leave the past buried. Someone always brought it up in a fight and it only made things worse._

_Jeanette had dragged her stuff to the living room when she heard ships overhead but ignored it as the spaceport wasn't far from the house. She did stop though when she heard even more engines and heard them land a lot closer than the spaceport. All of a sudden screams could be heard outside and Jeanette moved to the window, peering through the blinds. She watched strange four-eyed aliens piling out of the ships and firing guns. __Jeanette ran out of the house when she heard her older brother's scream of pain. Two of the aliens had taken a needle to his neck and now the teenager laid unconscious in their hold. They spotted her, waving some nearby batarians toward her as they called in some strange language she couldn't understand. _

"I hate you" Jeanette repeated but it was barely above a whisper "That was the last thing I said to my mother. The next thing I know my home is under attack by batarian slavers. My parents dead and I'll never know if my mother meant it when I heard her say 'I'm sorry.' I regret not stopping, I regret not turning around and I regret what I said. But your father is here and he _wants_ to make amends. The least you can do is listen, take the chance I never took"

More tears rolled down Kolyat's blue scales as his father took a cautious step toward him. Thane looked up into his son's eyes and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. Bailey moved up next to the Commander as he cleared his throat, his voice filled with sympathy "This conversation shouldn't continue in front of strangers. Take Kolyat and his father to the station and give them a private room"

"Thanks Bailey. You're doing them a favor" Jeanette's throat felt constricted and her eyes burned.

"Yeah, well, send me a Christmas card or something. Come on, I'll give you a ride" Jeanette and Garrus followed the Captain back to the vehicles and sat in silence. The two friends sat in the back but Jeanette focused her attention out the window. She felt her friend's nervousness, could sense he wanted to say something and she was glad when he said nothing.

Once back at C-Sec, Jeanette didn't waste time. While Thane talked with his son she questioned Bailey on anything he had regarding Fade, the man Garrus said would help them find Sidonis. He told them their best chance was down in the on the lower levels of the Zakera Wards and made sure to tell them to deal with the man quietly as the place was already in an uproar from the shooting. It wouldn't really matter if she did cause trouble because as a Spectre it was unlikely that she would or _could_ be arrested.

"Bailey, when Thane is done tell him to return to the Normandy. I'm going to get one of my other squad to help"

"That won't be necessary" Jeanette turned to see Thane leave the room, his posture far more relaxed than it had been all day "I am ready and at your disposal Shepard. You have helped me and now I will return the favor"

"Before you go" Bailey motioned toward the room Kolyat occupied "Your son shot some people. I'm afraid he'll be doing some time. I don't like it but there you have it"

"I saw though guys shaking down stores, harassing and threatening humans. The kid wants to make a difference" all eyes turned back to Jeanette "give him community service"

"Community service for attempted murder? What jury will agree to that?"

"None that I've seen. This would have to stay strictly within C-Sec"

"Interesting, I'll have to think about"

"Thank you" Thane respectfully bowed to the Captain before leading the way out of the station.

Once outside Garrus had taken the lead, his stride long and determined. Jeanette knew the man had conflicting emotions running through him. She saw in the station how he still wanted to comfort her and how as soon as she mentioned the word Fade to Bailey his emotions shifted back to anxiety and hate. It wouldn't be long until they faced his demon and Jeanette prayed that it ended well.

Her morning had already felt like it took a week trying to chase down Kolyat. She felt physically and emotionally taxed but chasing down Fade felt like she was losing a month of her life. Fade turned out to be Harkin, a sleazy pig who used to work for C-Sec. Every time Shepard had ever heard someone say the bastard's name she felt like she needed a shower. Now was no different as the man fled, sending Blue Suns mercs and heavy mechs to take the squad out.

During the chase Jeanette saw her friend tense more and more, his desire for what he called justice and Jeanette called revenge, grew with each step. Never before had she seen him like this and it scared part of her. Every now and again she tried a soothing word here and there or asked if killing Sidonis would really help. Her actions only seemed to fuel the fire burning in him and once he snapped at her. She knew killing Sidonis wouldn't bring his team back to life but Garrus just didn't seem to care.

Harkin was a slime ball if ever she saw one and felt no pity as Garrus caught the man off guard and threw him against a wall. However, she did feel worried as Garrus tried to snap the man's neck with his heel. She put a hand on the turian's shoulder and he eased off to let the man back up. Harkin sent Sidonis false information, saying a contact would meet him. Jeanette was ready to leave when Garrus pulled out his sidearm and aimed at the man's leg. Reacting on instinct she pulled his arm back, the gun firing at the ceiling "You don't need to shoot him. He can't hide from C-sec now"

Garrus pulled his arm away with more force than was necessary and watched Jeanette leave for the exit with Thane. He put his gun away but didn't leave until his head slammed against Harkin's. The man groaned in pain as he fell to the floor "I didn't shoot him"

Jeanette said nothing as they left for the cab they had taken earlier. Jeanette took the main driver's seat while Thane hoped in the back. She wasn't about to let the time bomb of a turian take the wheel and eased her way into traffic. For a long while no words were spoken but eventually the turian couldn't take it anymore "You should have let me shoot Harkin. Man's a damn menace"

"You okay, Garrus? You were pretty hard on him"

"He broke the law, he deserved to be punished" Garrus turned his attention to the woman and took in her calculating look before looking back out the window "What do you want from me, Shepard?"

Jeanette felt hurt that the man had called her by her last name but ignored it "This just isn't like you"

"Really? I've always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away… no"

"I understand that you're mad, but you can't let what he did change you"

"What would you do if it was your people that were betrayed? All killed?"

"Let me talk to him" Jeanette ignored the question because she thought Garrus knew her by now to know the answer.

"Talk all you want, it changes nothing"

Jeanette set the cab down and let Garrus out so he could find a spot to snipe from. He told her to keep Sidonis busy until he gave the signal but Jeanette knew she couldn't let her friend pull that trigger, it would destroy the man she knew and she wasn't about to give up on her best friend. She didn't tell him that though as he shut the door and left. She could feel Thane's eyes on the back of her head and was afraid he was judging her but he said nothing.

Jeanette checked to see if her comm was working before she walked up to the turian she figured was Sidonis by his active scanning of the crowd and nervous posture. Once he spotted her she waved him over and stepped right between the two turians while Thane stood to the side.

"You Sidonis?"

"Don't, don't say that name in public"

"_I've got him lined up, move"_ Jeanette heard over her headset.

It was now or never "Sidonis, I'm a friend of Garrus. He wants you dead. I'm hoping it won't come to that"

Jeanette kept talking, trying to weasel even the smallest bit of information from the frightened turian. Garrus growled in her ear but refused to budge, she would stay standing there for the rest of her life if she had to. She wasn't losing another friend. She moved every time Sidonis moved and made sure Garrus caught every word spoken over the radio. He was a coward whose life had been threatened but now the man was nothing more than an empty shell of his former self. Jeanette could see the pain in his eyes, the lack of sleep was written all over his face and he looked too thin to be eating properly.

"_Move, Shepard!"_

"You gotta let it go Garrus, he's already paying for his crime"

"_He hasn't paid enough, he still has his life"_

Jeanette spun on her heel and stared at the spot she knew Garrus was at. Her blue eyes lit with sadness and determination in his scope "What life, Garrus? He's not living, not really"

"_Just… just move"_

"Or what? You'll shoot me?"

Sidonis freaked out as she said that and grabbed the woman, pushing her behind him. She was completely caught off guard and knew that a bullet would fly threw his head before she could make up for her mistake. She saw Thane move around the turian most likely thinking he had been about to hurt her but stayed out of Garrus' line of sight "He can't! He can't shoot you, not if you're his friend"

"Damn it! Get behind me" Jeanette growled as she reached for the turian but the man wouldn't budge, making sure she was out of the line of fire. She barely realized that Garrus still hadn't pulled the trigger.

"You don't deserve to die!" regret laced through the man's voice "None of them deserved the fate I inflicted upon them… but if this helps Garrus then I'll let him shoot me. You're too kind a friend for him to lose"

There was a pregnant pause on the radio and for a second Jeanette thought that Garrus would go through with it and fire at the man _"Tell Sidonis… just tell him to go"_

Jeanette let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding "It's your lucky day. Garrus wants you to leave. Don't ruin this chance"

The man turned a shocked expression toward her, she was going to have to start keeping track when people did that, and his mandibles twitched in disbelief "I won't! Thank you! Thank you, Garrus" He was about to leave but stopped and walked back up to Jeanette "If you can still hear me, don't be mad at her. She seems like a good friend"

Jeanette watched the turian leave and when she turned back to the balcony there was no sign of Garrus so she tried the radio "Garrus?" but she got no response. She turned to Thane but he received no reply from the turian either. She switched to the other commonly used frequencies but got nothing. She finally resorted to her visor and ran through the squad's readings. She found that under Garrus' radio status it read "off." Jeanette rubbed her temples in frustration before giving up and heading back to the Normandy. Once aboard she asked EDI to run a head count to see if everyone was onboard.

"_Sensors show that all crewmembers are aboard the Normandy and at their stations. Also, I believe it would be crucial to inform you that Officer Vakarian returned earlier and seemed quite agitated. He is in the Main Battery and has locked the door with his own security code configured to the lock. It will take a few moments but do you wish me to override?"_

"No. He needs space. Joker" Jeanette turned to her pilot once decontamination was complete and she was through the airlock "Time to head out"

"Kasumi's party, right?"

"Yep, just next door. Once that's over set course back here. We need to install more upgrades and I think the crew could use a break in the meantime"

"Aye, aye"

Jeanette turned and left for the armory, not waiting for Thane, so she could deposit her equipment. She then left for her cabin. She didn't want to talk anymore today. She wanted to collapse and pretend she hadn't just ruined her friendship with Garrus, pretend she didn't talk about the last time she saw her family, and pretend that the goddamn universe was perfectly capable of taking care of itself. Her life sucked and she just wanted to scream all the frustration out but she didn't. She turned the lights in her cabin off, using only the glow from the fish tank to find her way over to her makeshift bed on the raised platform where she tried to pretend she could actually fall asleep without having to worry about another memory. But pretending didn't make it reality.


	15. Waterfall of Memories

**Chapter 15**

_The Normandy was orbiting a planet in the Serpentine Nebula as Shepard had agreed to help Kasumi with some sort of heist. It wouldn't be long before the two departed the ship and while they were away Thane was going to do some training to clear his head. And now it was midday and most of the crew was busy at their stations, meaning only other members of Shepard's squad would be in the training room, leaving him with more or less solitude or a good sparring partner. Before he left for the elevator he decided to take a detour to the kitchen and retrieve a water bottle. He figured after a good exercise he would need the hydration. His keen senses heard the elevator descend long before it reached the crew deck. He heard the conversation of two familiar voices as soon as the doors had slid open._

_"If you're so hungry why didn't you eat earlier? We'll be late. And isn't this Hock throwing a party, you know, with refreshments?"_

_"Clearly you've never been to a high-class party, Shep. We are going to be fashionably late, everyone is. Also, have you seen the kind of food set out at those parties? I like seafood, specifically sushi, but squid eggs on a cracker? Nasty" Thane watched the thief turn the corner and once the woman spotted him a mischievous smile grew on her lips. She stopped shortly though as she noticed her companion had not followed "Don't you want to eat anything before we go, Shep?"_

_"What I want is to get this over with"_

_"Oh don't tell me you still feel out of place. Honestly you should wear dresses like that more often. You look good"_

_"If your plan is to have me seduce Hock, I'll tell you right now you're barking up the wrong tree"_

_"It's a high-class party, everyone will look like they want in his pants. Doesn't mean they'll try. Come on, you should eat something. You'll need the energy"_

_Thane heard his Commander grumble incoherently before he spotted her turn the corner right behind the thief. His eyes lingered on her form as he took in the black dress. For awhile he had thought the woman's armor was surprisingly form fitting, accentuating the curve of her hips but the dress she wore now was not only form fitting but very tight. The thick leather dress stopped just before her knees and her neckline was cut low. It was simple in design but the woman wore it well. However, the Commander did not seem to agree "Look like a damn arm accessory for the snobby rich folks"_

_Upon seeing the drell in the kitchen the Commander froze, her cheeks darkening just the slightest. Her shock was replaced by a frown and he caught her grumble something about how she hoped no one had been in the mess. The thief continued to smile as she glided past the drell and made a beeline for the fruit bowl Gardner kept out for anyone who needed a quick bite. As Shepard neared reluctantly a red fruit flew by Thane's head. The Commander caught it with ease in her hand before taking a bite. Thane felt as though something had to be said once he realized he had been staring but as he began to open his mouth the Commander immediately put up a hand to stall him, a stubborn look in her sea blue eyes. She spoke with each word slowly with an authoritative tone "Not. One. Word. Thane" the drell felt the warmth in his chest at the use of his given name._

_"Don't be like that, Shep" Kasumi walked back up to the Commander with her own fruit in hand "I'm sure all he was going to do was compliment on how you look"_

_"I look stupid"_

_"You look gorgeous"_

_"I am inclined to agree with Ms. Goto" Thane watched as the woman's cheeks darkened a little again, her brows furrowed, and her lips quirked downward just the slightest. He really wished she wouldn't frown so much, he found such an expression did not suit her face._

_"Yes, well, I still feel stupid" Shepard fidgeted just a little before her gaze roamed to a spot behind Thane's head. He didn't have to turn to know she was looking at the door to the Main Battery. He had noticed earlier how the lock was still engaged. Garrus needed space and that was what the Commander was giving him._ _Nobody had seen the turian leave the room in almost a day so Shepard had asked the young quarian to leave a tray of food for him at the door. Though no one saw him leave, the tray was empty an hour later and no one else could have eaten the dextro-based food without serious harm._

_"I'm sure he'll come out soon, Shepard. He may not know it but you did him a favor. He would have regretted the decision to take the man's life" the human turned her gaze back to the drell, a small and sad smile on her face._

"_Thank you, Thane" the assassin watched the two women leave but right before the Commander turned the corner she looked back over her shoulder and threw him one of the warmest smiles he'd ever seen on her face. That smile suited her face far more than any other expression._

"Come on, Krios" Thane ducked the fist aimed for his head. He jumped a few paces back to give himself some distance from his opponent. The mercenary before him seemed a tad agitated as he started circling the drell, his fists up and poised. His voice was gruff as he took a step forward to swing again "It's like you're not even trying. You are an assassin, aren't you? I know you can move faster than that so get your head in the game"

"My apologies, Mr. Massani. My mind was elsewhere" Thane gripped the next swing and twisted the arm behind the man's back but Zaeed fell to the side, taking the drell with him to the mat. They rolled apart before leaping to their feet once more.

"No shit" Zaeed kicked his leg out but Thane easily dodged it "And none of that Mr. Massani crap. Zaeed is just fine" he pulled his arms in front of his face as the drell threw a flurry of punches, one aimed lower and caught in him in the stomach. The mercenary gave a grunt before retaliating "Better. So who's put your mind in the gutter? She at least good looking?"

"My mind does not simply wonder to the first attractive woman I come across"

"Maybe but you must be thinking of someone if you can't even focus on the fact that fists are flying at you"

Thane took a shot to the shoulder as he thought about what the veteran said "I… am thinking about someone but not in the manner in which you speak"

The veteran gave him a hard look and once satisfied spoke again "Sure and my rifle shoots flowers" Zaeed caught the assassin's arm and flipped him. Before the drell could get up a foot landed on his chest effectively keeping him in place "It's none of my business but I suggest you talk to her unless you want to end up with a bullet in your head. Find me when you're ready for a real fight"

Thane propped himself up on his elbows and watched the mercenary walk to the elevator. Once gone Thane flopped back down in the empty room. Wasn't the point of coming down here to clear his head? But all Thane had done was try to avoid thinking about the first human Spectre by engaging Zaeed in a spar. It hadn't helped though as he started thinking about his encounter with Shepard before she had left with the thief. He had thanked the Gods that he hadn't been completely enraptured in the memory or he would have let the mercenary know exactly what he was thinking. Though it seemed Zaeed already had a good idea of what was running through his head. So Thane decided it was time to actually clear his head.

After reuniting with his son Thane was starting to see things in a new light, specifically Commander Jeanette Shepard. She was exactly what the news vids said she was and more. She was kind, quick, lethal, a paragon to all, and most importantly, caring. She cared for the people under her command whether they were human, Cerberus, or aliens. She would start at a professional distance but the woman dug up emotions from everyone she touched, she would see the real them and start to grow some sort of attachment. Thane was no exception. Shepard would visit each member of her crew to check on how the ship was running and how the crew themselves were doing. When she was professional she kept calling the crew by their last name, their given name slipping into conversation only rarely but when she started forming an attachment she started using their given name more. The first time he recalled her using his first name was back when the Commander was crawling through maintenance shafts and ducts in search of the stowaway pyjaks. Perhaps she hadn't realized what she had called him but Thane felt a small bit of warmth in his chest.

For years he kept to himself, occasionally chat with old contacts but he stayed at a distance. On the Normandy he spent most of his time in Life Support either meditating or losing himself to memories, but upon Shepard's visits he no longer wished to keep such a distance. Her first visit to his room was not entirely what he expected. He assumed she would question his health, make sure no one else could be infected and leave once satisfied. She did ask about his disease but it was out of mere curiosity and a little worry for him. She did not seem in the least bit worried if the rest of the crew could become sick, most likely assuming that Thane would not have accepted the contract if it put lives at risk. Once she obtained her information about his Kepral's she had started a casual conversation as though they had just been talking about the weather. Her curiosity was amusing to say the least. She asked questions most did not even bother to think about, asked about his religion and drell society. Though curious, it seemed she knew better than to linger too long and had bid him a good evening before retiring to her cabin. Whenever there wasn't a mission she would visit and he grew fond of the small, sometimes insignificant talks they had. He hadn't really realized how lonely his life had become until the Commander had left the room and he wished to talk with her for just a little longer.

This change was the reason he needed to clear his head, too much was going on and he wasn't entirely sure of how he felt about this change. What he was sure about was that he owed the Commander for giving him back his son so he was going to give her back her friend. He leapt to his feet as he set out to have a chat with the turian as he wondered what Shepard was up to.

"Ha!"

"You find a DNA sample?"

"No" Jeanette pulled her hand from the couch cushions with a self-satisfied smirk on her face "A credit chit"

She stepped off the couch and turned to her companion. Though her eyes were partially hidden in the shadow of her hood Jeanette could see the blank stare she was receiving, almost judging her. The two stood in silence for a few moments before Jeanette caved "What?"

The thief shook her head but Jeanette caught a glimpse of a smile on her painted lips. The two resumed scouring the room in search of any DNA for the security system. It was the last thing they needed to get into the private vault but Hock's room was spotless. It was so clean it was annoying and for the first time Jeanette hated the organization. Jeanette herself loved a clean and ordered room long before she enlisted and everything _had_ to be neat and tidy but this was outrageous because this only prolonged her stay here. If she had to stay in that dress for another minute just because she couldn't find any DNA she was going to hurt Hock… a lot. Throughout the party men and even some women had stopped the Commander and tried to chat her up but instead of talking about business they tried to get her alone in a room. Some just tried words and got turned down, or slipped a hand on her ass and got a knee to the groin.

"Hey, Kasumi, over here" the thief jogged up to the Commander as she loomed over Hock's desk. She pointed to a datapad on the corner. Kasumi picked it up with a gloved hand, making sure not to disturb any DNA as her omni-tool scanned over the datapad. A green light flashed as it indicated it had obtained enough genetic code from Hock. Jeanette could not have been happier as the two snuck back out the room.

"I told you I heard gunshots. Look, someone broke the glass"

The two stopped short on the stairs and Jeanette peeked her head out just enough to see the next level, her eyes just above the floor. She spotted two sets of feet in armor before ducking down. Kasumi gave her a small frown "I told you we should have taken a more discreet way into the room"

"And you know it wouldn't have been as much fun" Jeanette remembered jumping down off the balcony while no one was watching. The two snuck on the walls and hid behind a pillar as soon as they caught sight of a guard. Jeanette activated her cloak and took silent steps behind him until she was close enough and proceeded to snap the man's neck. Other guards had been on the roof too and it soon turned into a firefight but luckily it was cut short. For a man like Hock who paid no expense for a party and house he sure didn't bother getting good help "Can't go back now"

Jeanette activated her cloak again and traveled up the rest of the stairs. She was glad she had spent time practicing walking in heels otherwise she would be clanking down the hall and that made stealth useless. Once close enough she saw one of the guards bring their hand to their ear, most likely trying to raise someone on the radio. She snapped his neck. The man still standing gave a sound of surprise, eyes widening before Shepard turned to him. Her pistol was slammed into the man's stomach before a squeeze of the trigger. Jeanette sheathed her sidearm before nodding toward the exit as she looked at Kasumi. The thief activated her own cloak as Jeanette reentered the party, walking stealthily behind her "Are you taking lessons from Thane?" came the whisper in her ear.

"No. Why?" Jeanette walked calmly to the back of the luxurious home until she came to the stairs leading down to the vault.

"Stealth, snapping necks, and a gun to the stomach? Isn't that how we met the assassin?"

"Your point?" Once back at the security checkpoint the thief deactivated her cloak. Kasumi walked up to each of the security measures and disabled them one by one.

"My point is I think you two have been spending a lot of time together. I think it's cute"

"Cute?" Jeanette relented that she was many things: bitchy, persistent, realistic or pessimistic if you listened to her friends, blunt but never _cute_.

The doors slid open and Kasumi stepped into the elevator with her omni-tool glowing in front of her "Go ahead and get dressed. I'll deactivate the cameras" Jeanette grumbled when the thief changed the topic but moved over to the statue in the corner regardless. The two had snuck their armor and weapons in a very detailed statue as a gift to Hock. Using her omni-tool, Jeanette was able to override the lock. Her blue armor slid out along with her sniper rifle, rocket launcher and shotgun. As she began to pull on her leather under suit she couldn't help but gaze up, eyes locking on the golden face before her. It was Saren. Shepard couldn't understand why the thief had decided a statue of the rogue turian Spectre was a good idea for a gift but she had shrugged off the strange feeling in her gut upon first seeing it. Now that feeling was bubbling up again.

"_I'm… sorry" Jeanette took a glance from her cover to see the turian gripping his head. His face was scrunched up in pain as he fought a losing battle with his own mind. His piercing blue eyes met hers as the next words poured from his mouth "It's too late for me"_

_Jeanette felt an unseen force pull her from safety to stand directly in front of the turian, a fire burning in her eyes "It's not too late! You still have the power to stop this… if you have the guts" Jeanette felt sick at the words she spoke but it was true, only one thing could save the turian now._

_Saren gave her a hard look and used the last of his strength to stand tall and proud like a real turian. He took his gun and pointed it at his own temple, his eyes turning just a little soft as he continued to look at the woman before him "Thank you, Shepard" _

_The room rang as the trigger was pulled. The rogue Spectre fell backwards as blood ran down the side of his face. He crashed through the glass onto the level below. The Commander jogged up to the console and inserted the data disk she had picked up on Illos and stopped the Citadel from activating. She glanced down to look at the corpse of the turian "Make sure he's dead"_

She had chased him all over the galaxy and in the end he died to help her, regardless of his despise for humans. Shepard had heard so many people insult the man after the Citadel had been saved but she couldn't help but feel sorry for him like Liara. The asari had admitted her remorse about Saren, how he was probably just a puppet for Sovereign like her mother, that maybe the man had tried to stop the reaper like Shepard but couldn't fight the indoctrination forever. Jeanette had no solid proof but looking into the turian's eyes right before he killed himself she felt like she saw everything. She knew that he wasn't the bad guy, that he got trapped in an attempt to save everyone.

Jeanette jerked as a hand fell onto her shoulder "It's just a statue, Shep. It won't take a peek, I guarantee" Kasumi moved to the front of the Commander and stopped at the sight of blood dripping from the Commander's nose "Oh no, Shep. I-"

"Don't worry. I'm fine now… I guarantee" Jeanette smirked as she finished getting into her armor.

Shepard was right, from that point forward she kept her mind on the present. Mind you, it helped that not long after finding their objective and a nifty SMG Kassa Locust the two were swarmed by mercenaries and their mechs. Having bullets flying at you did a surprisingly good job of keeping one grounded. Shepard would take a few more scars over another trip to La La Land any day. At least, that's what she thought until the two had been pinned down on the roof by a gunship. Apparently Hock had decided to take it upon himself to stop the thieves from making off with his loot.

Trying to run was out of the question but any time the two had even put a dent into the gunship's shields it floated out of sight to recharge as mercs and mechs used lifts to reach the roof. After several dead bodies and used heat sinks later Kasumi had gotten into her little head that she could fly and take on a gunship. It never even occurred to Jeanette to pull out her omni-tool and record the scene before her. Kasumi used her agility to leap up crates and a large pipe. The thief ran along the length of the pipe even as bullets flew at her and with one great leap the thief reached for the gunship. She had latched onto the ship and overloaded the shields before flipping backwards away from the gunship. With its shield down Jeanette was able to dispose of the gunship quickly as she assailed it with an endless stream of rockets.

Jeanette was just glad she had gotten the mission done with only a graze to her cheek. Joker had sent a shuttle to pick them up, a VI piloting it to the rendezvous. Kasumi immediately tried breaking through Keiji's encryption to find what her partner was hiding. She linked up her greybox to Keiji's and shifted through the various memories stored there as a message played. Jeanette sat and listened while the thief saw things she couldn't. Jeanette knew the recording was personal but she had nowhere to go to leave Kasumi in peace. The man asked Kasumi to destroy the greybox so no one could gain the knowledge within. It was for everyone's protection as well as Kasumi's because holding onto it would only make her a target.

"No" Jeanette heard the thief whisper as she continued to look at something not physically there "It's all I have left"

Kasumi ended the visual in her greybox before turning to the Commander. Even with hooded eyes Jeanette could see the tears that wanted to spill and her bottom lip tremble "Is there any way to destroy the data without destroying the memories?"

"No. Keiji was a master at encrypting. You can't have one without the other"

Jeanette sighed as she looked out the window, the sky turning black as they broke the planet's atmosphere. She knew what it was like to lose someone close. Memories are all you ever have left of someone and despite the Commander's condition she didn't know how she'd feel if she could no longer remember her brother's face, the way his eyes twinkled when he was about to get them in trouble, the way he smiled when she gave him a new tool as a gift. Memories could be excruciating as much as they could be blissful.

"_Jean! Guess what!"_

"_The police are after you" Jeanette didn't raise her head to look at her brother's childish pout. She was too focused on the pad of paper in front of her. She had been working on this drawing for the better part of the day and couldn't even remember if she had eaten. She removed the charcoal from the paper before blowing gently to remove any excess dust._

"_You have absolutely no faith in me" came the whining response. Older brother or not Jason was so immature at times._

"_None" the word came out as neutral as possible but a smile was trying to break across her face._

"_Seriously, guess!"_

"_Hmm… you've finally admitted you have a man crush on the famous actor To-"_

"_No! Come on, seriously?"_

_Jeanette finally looked up and a set of keys dangled in her face. She looked past the jingling keys and at her brother to see the biggest smile on his face, white teeth shining in the light. Her eyes landed back on the keys before it dawned on her "No way!" Jeanette jumped to her feet and snatched the keys from the man's hand "Mr. Roberts from down the street finally gave you his old truck?" _

"_Yeah! Cool right?" _

_The smile on her face soon dropped as she thought more about it "You know that truck hasn't moved an inch in five years? I hope you know it's not going to work all of a sudden"_

"_It will work when I'm done with it. Just have to put some elbow grease into it. Speaking of which" Jason leaned forward and stuck his bottom lip out. He always tried the puppy-dog eyes on her but it never worked. He took it as a challenge to make it work on her "Can I borrow, and by borrow I mean have, some money to buy some oil and tools?"_

"_No"_

Jeanette smiled to herself. The next day Jason had found an entire toolbox filled with the necessary parts to fix the hover car in front of his door. He had tripped on it as soon as he opened the door. He wasn't normally a morning person and was about to curse someone out as he rubbed his sore knees but upon realizing what it was tripped over he had become ecstatic and raced out of the house with it. Later that day he had tried to get Jeanette to confess that she had been the one to buy them but every time he asked she denied all knowledge of the tools but they both knew it was her.

Jeanette turned back to the thief. Kasumi was looking at her with an indecisive look on her face, as though it was really Jeanette's decision and not hers. It was Kasumi's decision though and Shepard knew what she wanted to do "Keep the greybox _but_, only if you're ready to face the consequences"

"Yeah, yeah. I am!" a smile stretched across her face as she took a seat "I think I want this. Thank you, Jean"

Jeanette blinked a couple of times as she processed what she heard. The only people who called her Jean were her adoptive father and friends from the original Normandy. She sat and thought about it a little and realized that Kasumi was not the only person to start calling her that, Miranda and Mordin had started calling her Jean not long after she helped them out. In fact, she recalled Grunt calling her Jean once as well. How did she not notice this sooner? Jeanette rubbed her temples as she realized once again she had broken normal Alliance protocol. She was a marine and true to the Alliance but she still couldn't keep a professional distance between her and those under her command. Jeanette never really saw a problem with this but the Alliance did. She sighed as she realized there was no going back as she thought about her crew. She had already formed an attachment with most if not all of them and pretending she felt nothing wasn't going to work.

Jeanette slammed her head back against the wall lightly in frustration as Kasumi lost herself to memories. She needed a drink and a long nap. Fortunately she had ordered shore leave as soon as they reached the Citadel so it wouldn't be long until she got that drink so a nap sounded perfect right now. If only she could fall asleep. _Time to visit the doctor, _Shepard thought as the shuttle reached the Normandy.

Kasumi parted with a quick goodbye once they reached the crew deck and Jeanette headed off to the med bay. She palmed the holo panel and took a step inside once the doors parted but upon seeing the occupants of the room, decided she'd come back later. Until they called out her name "Shepard" Mordin greeted as he loomed behind his patient. Thane sat quietly on the bed but turned his gaze to the Commander as soon as the salarian spoke "Check-up not until tomorrow. Breath in" the doctor ordered as he took a tool and placed it against the drell's back who did what he was told. Jeanette noticed right away that the drell had discarded his jacket and shirt, sitting only in his tight leather pants. His chest was covered in the same bright green scales as his head with the occasional black speck or stripe. His chest moved as he breathed in, his abs and arms were well built from constant training and she felt it hard to look away. Green really was her favorite color and it suited the drell's skin nicely. She mentally cursed herself at her thoughts and realized why it was that she had tried to leave in the first place, she was invading the man's privacy with the doctor "Breath out. Perhaps wish to do it early as to not interrupt shore leave. Understandable. Wound on right cheek, need medi-gel or maybe yo-"

"I just came to see Chakwas" Jeanette threw her hands up to stop the salarian before he went off on another tangent "I'll just come back later"

The salarian nodded several times as he studied his omni-tool before his eyes widened and his head shot up "No, no, no, no. No reason to go. Good you came. Chakwas will be back shortly, had to get something from my lab. Have interesting findings for you also and can, as said, get check-up done day early. Sit, sit"

Jeanette walked into the room and sat on the edge of another bed. She began to kick her legs in and out as Mordin continued to read the data on his omni-tool. He soon shuffled his way to the computer and started typing away furiously "So… how was your day, Thane?"

Jeanette turned her head as she was greeted by silence. The drell seemed to be thinking real hard about the answer "Insightful and…" Thane trailed off as he stared at the professor's back.

"Filled with needles?"

"Very large needles"

"Ouch. Good to see you pulled through though. Don't know what I'd do without my favorite assassin"

A smile tugged on the man's lips "I'm sure you would do excellent with or without me, Siha"

For a moment the tapping of the keyboard stopped and Jeanette heard the salarian hum in thought before resuming "What is it you needed, Jean?" Mordin asked without turning to look at her.

"I need some sleep pills. I just ran out of the handful Chakwas had given me" Mordin nodded again, one hand reaching blindly for the cabinet next to him as he kept his eyes locked on the computer screen. His hand pulled out a bottle of pills, he took a quick glance, then replaced it before searching more. After a few blind grabs he finally found the right bottle and tossed it over his shoulder. Jeanette caught it with ease and immediately started reading the directions on the back.

"You use sleep pills?" Thane cocked his head curiously as she glanced back at him.

"I uh… after the incident on the Collector ship I had trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Chakwas was a little low on supplies so she handed me only a few so I could get some shuteye"

"Memories?"

Jeanette glanced at the floor, legs still kicking in the air "Yeah" she finally said quietly.

Just then the doors swooshed open to reveal Chakwas carrying a metal container "Oh Jean, what are you doing here?"

"Sleep pills, patch wound, check-up, show findings" Mordin interrupted before Jeanette could speak. He gently took the container from Chakwas and set it aside on the table. He turned to his patients with a datapad in hand "Thane first. Perfectly healthy. As healthy as one could be in your case any way. Progression slowed, better lung function than previously thought. Free to go. Jean"

Mordin saw no point in stopping as the drell slowly gathered his belongings "Think I have breakthrough. No cure but believe I can lower number of attacks. Have made pills using trial and error from previous samples but will need new samples _before_ you take pills to use for comparison _after_ you take pills"

Sometimes Jeanette only caught every other word when it came to the salarian but she was able to piece together what he had said through his long winded rant "Yeah, sure. That's… that's great" Jeanette pulled her blue sleeve off and raised her right arm out to the doctors. Mordin nodded happily as he went through several different sized needles, some very large, before finding a small one. He also picked up a strange looking medical scanner as he walked back to the Commander with Chakwas right behind him. Jeanette never really liked doctors or sharp instruments but she knew she was in good hands. She looked up at the doctors only to feel a pull of dread.

_As she watched the teen pushed to the ground by a batarian, two more came around to either side of her. Blood, old and fresh, covered their fronts and in their hands were sharp instruments that were also covered in blood. Needles, knives and saws lay on a nearby table. Jeanette's heart raced as the aliens neared her now that they were recovered from her earlier attack. The teenage boy grunted in pain as the other batarian pushed a button on some remote. He stared at her in evil glee. The two continued to near her and she tried backing away. The aliens growled, one of them leaping towards her with an active saw in his hand. She screamed, as loud as she could. Someone came up behind her and wrapped their arms around her. She struggled and kicked, proving more difficult to hold than thought. The other batarians closed the distance and cries and shouts of fear came from her mouth as she looked at the horrendous tools._

Thane gripped the woman tighter "Siha, please calm down" No one knew what had come over the Commander but she had tried to flee at the sight of the instruments in Mordin's hand and then screamed as though her life was in grave danger. Thane had grabbed her to keep her from hurting anyone, especially herself and started whispering reassurances in her ear. It seemed to be working as the woman finally stopped screaming and struggling. Her breathing however, was labored and her body shook as sobs left her mouth. He gently turned her in his arms so he could see her face. Blood dripped from her nose and tears started sliding down her cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy as tears continued to leak.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry" Jeanette's body shook more as she tried to shake off the fear but couldn't. She hated that memory, how Mindoir had been attacked by slavers. Those bastards were either going to put a damn control collar on her or pry her head open and cut the right nerves to make her some helpless zombie. It was the scariest day of her life and she never wanted to relive it. She was just glad Thane had stopped her from continuing the memory before it got to the worst part "I'm sor-"

"Shh, it's okay" Thane rubbed soothing circles in the Commander's back while her body continued to shake. After a few more quiet reassurances Jeanette finally stopped crying and rubber her arms across her face to remove the tears staining her cheeks. Jeanette turned to the doctors in shame. She hadn't meant to react like that, not to her friends. She saw worry in their eyes as they stayed a respectable distance back.

"Jean, are you alright?" Chakwas asked as she put down the scanner "We don't have to do this now if you don't want"

"Now best time, doctor. Need sample before she takes pills. Only way to help in long run. Waiting may only cause mor-" the salarian grunted as Chakwas elbowed him in the gut.

"She's in shock! We can't jus-"

"No" Jeanette's voice was shaky but stern "Mordin's right. I'll just close my eyes or you can strap me down. There isn't a guarantee I won't do this during our next check-up"

"If you're sure" Chakwas relented though by the sound of her voice, the doctor wasn't sure herself. Jeanette nodded as she stuck out her arm once more, closing her eyes in the process. She felt the needle prick her skin and the feeling left as quickly as it came. She opened her eyes again to watch the salarian step back with his syringe filled with blood.

Jeanette then stood on wobbly legs "I'm going to bed now" her voice was low and a little uncertain "Someone wake me when we reach the Citadel" Jeanette took a step forward and almost collapsed as her legs felt like butter. Strong arms wrapped around her waist and kept her upright.

"Would you like help to your cabin?" Thane's rumbling voice asked quietly in her ear. She couldn't find any words so she nodded. Thane moved one of her arms around his neck while keeping a grip on her waist. The two slowly made it to the elevator and punched the button to bring them to the Loft. Each step proved harder and harder for Jeanette but Thane did not let go until she was seated on the edge of her bed. The assassin knelt down before her and started to remove her sneakers. Once removed he stood. He stopped as he glanced at the bare bed, its sheets and pillows stripped away. His eyes shifted to the pile of bed covers on the small space behind the bed.

Jeanette followed his gaze before she spoke "Cerberus makes their beds too soft… Not sure I can actually pull myself up there though"

Thane walked around and retrieved the pillows, throwing them back on the bed and in proper place before then grabbing the blanket "Your pills should put you out well enough so you don't notice the soft mattress for one night. I'll grab you some water"

As Thane disappeared into her bathroom the Commander scooted up the bed and removed the cap on the bottle. She popped one pill into her hand before putting the bottle into her nightstand drawer. Thane came back and sat on the edge of the bed next to her side before handing her a cup of water. She thanked him before popping the pill in her mouth and chugging down the water. Thane gently took the glass from her hand and set it on the nightstand. His hand reached for the clock and stopped the music that had been playing "Sleep well, Siha. I will see you in the morning"

The drell squeezed her hand gently before standing. He made it up the short staircase before the Commander spoke "Wait" He turned back around to look at the woman, her eyes still a little puffy "What's Siha mean?"

Thane smiled warmly at her "Perhaps I'll tell you later. Rest now" He watched the human sink into the bed, pulling the covers over her body and to her chin "EDI"

"_Yes, Mr. Krios?"_

"Please turn the lights off. The Commander needs her sleep" The lights slowly dimmed before turning off completely leaving only the soft blue glow of the empty fish tank. Once Jeanette's eyes slid closed and her breathing evened out Thane left quietly to give her much needed peace. He gave a quick pray to his Gods that she got all the sleep she needed.


	16. A Vacation From Everything

**Chapter 16**

Jeanette awoke the next morning fully rested and thanked who ever had invented sleep pills. The pill had put her out like a light and she had not been assaulted by a single dream or memory, just the blissful dark peace of sleep. She rolled out of bed and frowned upon realizing she had gone to bed with her day clothes on and that one of her sleeves was missing. Shrugging helplessly Jeanette sauntered over to her closet and shuffled through what little clothes she had. As she parted the hangers her eyes landed on a box that had been pushed back to the far wall. Curious as to what it was Jeanette pulled out the large box and placed it on her bed. She pried off the lid to find some folded clothes with a note on top.

_Thought you might want a fresh set of clothes, Jean. I was able to find some spare time when you were gallivanting around the Citadel with Garrus and Thane and picked you up something. After studying you for two years I figured out what you would like best. It's a good thing I also know your size. And I better see you wearing it at the Dark Star, everyone's going to be there at eight on the first night of shore leave._

_-Miri_

Jeanette almost laughed at the small smiley face the Cerberus operative had left on the bottom of the note. She contemplated calling Chakwas to check Miranda for a fever but let the note slide for the moment before she returned her gaze to the box. The first thing she pulled out was a pair of blue denim skinny jeans. Though she did love denim she wasn't a big fan on tight pants but understood why Miranda had gotten them when she spotted the dark brown leather boots that reached just below the knee. Back home she had a similar pair of boots but they were worn and dusty with a few straps. Jason had often joked that he couldn't tell if she was dressed to ride a horse or a motorcycle. After pulling the boots out she found a clean white tank top, most likely to replace the one stained with her own blood, and a brown vest. Jeanette didn't really have a style when it came to clothes, she just grabbed what she liked whether it was form fitting and bright or loose and dark with chains, but Miranda picked out a great outfit that was also simple.

Smiling to herself she grabbed her new clothes as she headed to her bathroom, feeling in desperate need of a shower. She set the clothes down on one of the shelves built into the wall. Right before she was about to undress she spotted a bottle of pills on the counter with a label for instructions. She picked up the bottle and read the label. It was the pills Mordin had promised her but Jeanette couldn't actually remember being given them. She figured Thane must have grabbed the bottle before he helped her back to her room. The instructions told her to take two a day, one in the morning and then one at night, relatively speaking seeing as she flew through space where there was no clear time of day. Jeanette popped off the lid and shook a single transparent red pill out before placing the bottle on the shelving unit. She stared at the large pill in her hand before thinking, _I'm suppose to swallow this thing?_ Knowing for a fact there was no way she could swallow such a huge pill dry she grabbed one of the glasses and filled it with water.

Jeanette hurried her shower and almost pranced to the elevator in glee, almost. But right before she exited her cabin she turned to look back at her desk. The crate Garrus had given her still lay untouched, filled to the brim with some of her old belongings. She stood in contemplation, wondering how quick Mordin's pills took to kick in or if they truly even worked. Jeanette soon found herself in front of her desk, hands on either side of the box, and she couldn't even recall moving her legs. She lifted the box and carried it with her to the end of her bed where she sat down. She held the crate in her lap as her eyes scanned the contents, organizing everything in her mind.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained right?" Jeanette mumbled to herself. What better way to try Mordin's new pills then touch the things closest to her past? Her hand slowly reached in, taking something at random before pulling it out. The first thing she pulled out was a dusty looking brown hat that seemed like it had been sewn back together a few times. Jeanette knew it was supposed to look like a varren had chewed on it. She had gotten it years ago, just liking the way it looked. Its wear and tear look had reminded her of life back at the farm and so she had bought it. She smiled as she plopped the hat on her head, the brown matching the rest of her outfit.

Jeanette took the lack of a memory attack as a good sign and reached for something else in the crate. The next thing to be pulled out was another holo with the frame currently turned off. She pressed the side button and a picture lit up the screen. A tall red haired man with red stubble along his jaw and gray eyes stood in an Alliance uniform with his arm around a younger Jeanette who had her blond hair grown out a little above the shoulder. It was the marine who had saved her on Mindoir. Sven Locke was a kind and loving man who lived by himself. He was thirty with no wife or children. Jeanette knew as soon as she stepped foot in his house it would be a learning experience for both of them but the two had grown fond of each other and she really thought of him as a father. Once she joined the Alliance she had sent him messages whenever she was given the chance and spent every Christmas leave with him on Mindoir. Now that she had come back from the grave she had not sent him a single message, too afraid he'd react like Ashley had.

She leaned as far as she could and placed the holo on a nearby desk. She looked at the smiling faces before returning once more to the crate. Deciding she could go through the rest later in the day she only pulled out one last thing. In her hands she held a leather bound book with a small strap to keep it closed. She slipped the strap off and flipped through the pages. Most of the pages were filled with sketches she had made over the years and the book was one of only a few things she kept from Mindoir before moving in with Sven. Though there were a lot of sketches she still had at least a fifth of the pages left to use. Jeanette replaced the crate on her desk and grabbed a small satchel to stuff her book in along with a few pencils. She slung the bag over her shoulder and finally left her cabin, not a single memory trying to overtake her.

She felt invigorated and she had no idea why but also didn't care. It was going to be shore leave as soon as they docked on the Citadel and she had made sure she had done all her reports ahead of time so she could enjoy a little fun before the inevitable Omega 4 relay. She had made a small list of things to do in her head, first of which was a hearty breakfast. She stepped out of the elevator with a spring in her step but stopped when she reached the mess. It was completely deserted which meant one of two things, she had either woken up earlier than everyone else as usual or the sleep pill had really knocked her out. Fearing the latter Jeanette pulled up the clock on her omni-tool and was relieved to see it read seven in the morning. Back in the Alliance everyone would have swarmed the mess an hour ago for breakfast but now on a Cerberus vessel, Gardener didn't make food for another half-hour as everyone was just now waking or were trying to catch just a few more minutes of shuteye.

Feeling like making herself busy until Joker told the crew they arrived Jeanette decided to make herself breakfast. She rummaged through the cabins pulling out a few containers before ducking behind the counter to shift through the pots and pans below. She did her best to make as little as noise as possible, not wanting to wake anyone just yet. She heard the swoosh of doors sliding open and knew who it was by the lack of footsteps sounding against the metal floor. She ignored the visitor until she found the small pan and tea kettle she had been looking for. She popped up from behind the counter to see Thane jerk back and set himself into a fighting stance. He lowered his arms once he realized he was in no danger.

"You are getting quieter as each day passes. I was not aware anyone was up"

Jeanette beamed a smile at him as she set the pan on the burner along with the tea kettle after filling it with water "I'm not an infiltrator for nothing, mister. And you are a great way to keep my skills sharp" Jeanette took a container and emptied a powder into a larger bowl before cracking a few eggs into the bowl as well. She took a whisk and started beating the mixture as she turned back to the drell, the smile still tugging at her lips "How do you feel about pancakes?"

"I have heard of them but never tired one"

"Well we should change that! What do you think about strawberries and bananas?"

Thane chuckled lightly as he watched the Commander enthusiastically beat the batter and add a few more ingredients "You needn't make me anything, Siha. I can fend for myself"

"Nonsense. The most important meal of the day is breakfast and I've already made more batter than I could eat. You can help if you want"

"What do you need me to do?"

Jeanette put the bowl down and jogged the short distance to the fruit bowl. She took a few bananas from it and placed it on the counter. She then retrieved a small carton of strawberries from the fridge. Soon a cutting board and knife sat on the counter between the two. Jeanette demonstrated how to cut the fruit before passing the knife over to Thane. The two worked in companionable silence, Thane slicing the bananas and cutting the strawberries in quarters as Jeanette poured some batter in her pan.

It wasn't until the Commander started humming a song cheerily that the assassin spoke again "You seem quite happy this morning"

"Yeah, I don't know why. Maybe I just got a good night's rest. Oh and thank you for leaving the pills on the counter" Jeanette deposited a couple of the cooked pancakes on a plate before turning her attention to the kettle. She placed a small thermometer in it and waited a few seconds as it read the temperature. Once satisfied she pulled the kettle off and reached for a small cylinder on a chain and two large containers. Thane's nostrils were assaulted by a sweet and delightful smell as soon as one of the lids came off and as the second lid came off the smell of exotic spices mixed with the previous smell in the air. He watched the Commander unscrew the tiny cylinder before shaking a tiny amount of leaves and spices from each container into it. Once the lid was screwed back on the cylinder was deposited into the steaming water of the kettle. As she let the tea steep Jeanette returned to her pancake batter "So have any plans today?"

"No. Bailey messaged me saying he was swamping Kolyat in the community service you suggested. We only just reunited and I do not wish to crowd him"

The woman nodded but stopped for a second. Thane noticed the Commander stare at nothing in particular and for a moment believed she was reliving a memory but the look of deep thought said otherwise "Sounds like a good idea but maybe you could at least visit him once right before we leave. But seeing as you have no plans for today then maybe you'll let me drag you across the Citadel. I did promise to show you that tea shop the next time we visited"

"Is it the same place this tea comes from?" After cutting the fruit Thane had moved around the counter and lifted the still open container, taking in the delightful aroma.

"Yep. Those are my two favorite, honeybush vanilla and maharaja chai oolong, and they blend magnificently. The place sells a variety of loose leaf tea as well as some quick and easy to make teabags. They also sell the most intricate teapots, cups, and thermoses"

"Now I know where you obtained your strange red teapot"

"What? Oh, no. My grandmother gave me the strawberry shaped teapot when I was younger and it keeps tea hot for _hours_" Once she had used up all the batter Jeanette lightly buttered the pancakes while Thane graciously closed her containers of tea and put them back. Soon the two sat down at the table as they heard the faint noises of the crew beginning to stir. The cut fruit lay neatly on their pancakes and each had a mug of Jeanette's tea. Jeanette couldn't help the smile that blossomed on her face as she heard the drell give a small noise of approval as he took a bite "If you like that then you would have loved my brother's cooking. He liked to get all fancy with his meals and they tasted as great as they looked"

"I find it hard to believe that anything he made would taste better"

"Trust me, if anyone could do it he could" Jeanette watched Thane close his eyes as though in pure bliss as he drank from his mug. The smile on her face only grew "It's funny really. When he first started making dinner he sucked. I'm talking charred chicken and overcooked noodles. He even flipped a pizza upside down while it was still in the oven. Don't know how he did that one, but practice makes perfect it seems and he enjoyed making dinner. I'm better at baked goods though like cookies"

_"Hey Commander, we'll be at the Citadel in ten minutes" _the pilot called over the intercom.

"Thanks, Joker"

_"As a thank you how about you bring me up a plate of those pancakes?"_

"Joker, if I've told you once, then I've told you twice…"

_"We goin' light it up like it's dynamite!" _the pilot sang in a high, scratchy voice over the intercom midway through the Commander's sentence.

"-the security cams are for emergency viewing only and that spying is _wrong. _Furthermore, work on your singing voice, it's terrible"

_"Sooo... no pancakes?"_

"I'll think about it"

"Pancakes?" the two turned to see Jack strolling into the mess eyeing the plate still filled with pancakes on the counter. It was a little surprising to see her up and about already. Jack was usually the kind who slept in or at least that's what everyone thought when they didn't see her at breakfast but no one actually bothered to check Jack's hidey-hole for fear of being ripped apart.

Jeanette saw the crazy woman's eyes twinkle just a little as she turned to the Commander and she couldn't help but chuckle just a tad "Feel free. I made way more than the two of us could eat"

A smile crept on the biotic's face, probably the most sincere one Jack had ever given her. The smile didn't last though, soon replaced by a neutral almost uncaring gaze "Pancakes are for pussies" Jack walked slowly to the counter "but I'm too lazy at the moment to make anything better so you ought to hope these taste good"

Jeanette only smiled as she scraped the last of her meal from her plate and chugged the tea in her mug. She dumped her empty plate and mug along with Thane's in the sink before reaching in a cupboard and pulling out a thermos. She poured the remaining tea from the pot into the thermos and stuffed it into her bag "Come on" Jeanette smiled as she took a new plate of pancakes and fruit to give Joker "We should leave before people start fighting over breakfast"

"Fuck these are good!" Jack said with mouth full of food. She was scarfing her plate down like there was no tomorrow and ignoring all table manners. The Commander shook her head in amusement as she and Thane left for the elevator.

They kept a companionable silence during the elevator ride up and once they were let onto the CIC Jeanette headed straight for the cockpit. Thane watched as the Commander walked, every step she made was silent and her stance was almost predatory as she ducked her head just a little as though trying to stay out of sight. She kept the plate of food hidden behind her back as she stalked her way over to Joker whose eyes had not left the console in front of him. Jeanette stopped just behind the leather chair, her head lowering closer to the pilot's and Thane heard her whisper "Boo"

Joker jumped in his seat, giving a startle scream. His seat swiveled around and a hand rubbed his chest that was heaving heavily "Damn it, Jean! I hate it when you do that"

"Think of it as a lesson, Joker. I'll stop scaring you if you stop eavesdropping on my conversations. Besides, I bring a peace offering" Jeanette pulled the plate from behind her back and waved it under the pilot's nose, letting Joker get a good whiff of it.

"Did I mention I love you?" Joker tore the plate from the Commander's hand with a goofy smile on his face.

"Only the last time I made food. Make sure to get some fresh air and relax, this will be our last shore leave until we're done with the Collectors and we still have some things to take care of before then"

"Don't worry about me, I got me some pancakes"

"I'm serious, Joker"

"So am I. Don't worry. We're just about to dock so you can stop fidgeting, Jean" Joker set the plate down as he swiveled back to the console. He pressed a few buttons and the shutters opened up to the view of the Citadel. The Normandy began to slow as it neared the docking ring, the hum of engines quieting. The Normandy came to a full stop as the docking clamps latched onto the ship.

"_Attention crew" _EDI's synthetic voice spoke on the ship wide intercom _"Upon Commander Shepard's request I am to inform you that we are now docked at the Citadel and that your shore leave has started. Please enjoy your time"_

"Alright! Let's go, Thane"

The drell nodded and headed out the airlock as Jeanette followed but she was stopped by Joker's voice "Commander" Jeanette turned back to see the pilot motioning for her to near him. She took several steps closer to him until she could just hear him speak in a whisper "Hope you have fun on your date"

"_Do not stay out too late, Commander"_ Jeanette swore she could hear a note of amusement in the AI's voice and could only quirk her eyebrow at Joker as he gave her a wink. She was about to correct them when Thane called for her. Not wanting to keep him waiting she ignored the smirk on the pilot's face, she would just deal with Joker later.

Thane waited patiently, hands clasped behind his back as usual, as he took in the horizon of the station. Jeanette came to stand beside him and looked to see the skycars passing nearby in the artificial light "Come on, that tea shop isn't going to come and find us"

The two walked to the closet transit station and took a cab. Jeanette punched in their destination and the cab took off. The two chatted away, talking about what they could do while on the Citadel. They soon landed somewhere in the wards. Jeanette led the assassin along a long walkway that overlooked the length of the Citadel. Skyscrapers reached high above the streets, some even higher than the walkway. Beautiful and exotic plants ran along the streets. Cars zoomed past in the artificial daylight and Jeanette found the hum of their engines relaxing.

It was a bit of a walk from where they had left the cab but Jeanette always liked walking along the open view. Every time she saw the sights and sounds of the Citadel it felt like she was seeing it for the first time and she never got over the view. Though she loved sightseeing she didn't really care for the tight spaces or rowdy crowds, even if she had spent a good amount of time living on the station. She preferred being out in the open with fresh air that wasn't recycled.

The two found themselves wandering through the markets. Thane did his best to follow the Commander as she weaved through the crowds. When its daylight all the time it wasn't really a surprise so many people were up and about. Seeing the waves of people increase Jeanette reached behind her and took one of Thane's hands. She knew from experience how easy it was to lose sight of people though she supposed that the assassin was capable of taking care of himself. He didn't protest as she pulled him through the crowds, in fact his hand tightened slightly around hers. It felt nice, the warmth of his hand in hers. She kept a firm grip until she stopped in front of a neon sign, her hand letting go of the warm scales.

Thane felt a pang of disappointment when the human let go of his hand. He looked up when they stopped, a bright sign hanging in front a small store. Exotic smells wafted out from the shop, nothing too strong to overwhelm his senses. Jeanette walked into the store and Thane followed suit. The store was lit in warm lighting and he could hear the faint sound of an instrument playing, a string instrument if he had to guess. The shop was smaller than he expected. The walls all had shelves that reached to the ceiling, stuffed with odd shaped pots and cups and there were some dispensers filled with sample teas. There were a few shelving units in the middle of the store all just reaching to the top of his chest. The place gave off a calming effect that Thane found quite delightful. He turned around when someone tapped on his shoulder. Jeanette stood before him with two small plastic cups in her hand. She held one cup out to him with a smile still on her face "Here, try this"

Thane gently took the cup from her hand and took a sip. He hummed in approval as the warm liquid slid down the back of his throat, a slight fruity taste lingering on his tongue. The Commander's smile grew before she turned around and headed for the counter. A young purple skinned asari and grey salarian were placing some containers on the shelves. Jeanette rang a little bell on the counter to gain their attention. When they turned to greet their customers their faces lit up with joy and surprise.

"Our favorite customer!" the salarian beamed as the asari maneuvered around the counter and hugged the Commander "We thought you were dead"

"You have no idea how many times I heard that line. How have you been, Jaynor?"

"Good. Great actually!"

"And you, Ezinnia? Did you get a touch up? Your markings are darker than I remember"

"Good eye as ever" the purple asari pointed to the black tattoos adorning her face "I got them touched up just a month ago" Ezinnia's eyes flickered to Thane "Who's your friend?"

"This is Thane Krios, he's part of the Normandy crew. I promised to show him your store" Thane bowed slightly to the two while Jeanette rubbed her hands together "So show us what you got. Anything new?"

"We always have something new!" Jaynor pulled two large containers from the shelves and put them on the counter "Including some news"

"Oh? What's the up and up?"

"Ezinnia and I" the salarian paused as he pulled the asari close to him, a hand around her waist "are bonded"

"_What?_ I missed the ceremony? How long? Wait, do you have _kids__?_"

The couple chuckled at Jeanette's stream of questions and dumbstruck face before Jaynor spoke up "No, no kids. Not yet anyway. We've been together for a year now. We would have loved it if you could have come but we understand, being a Spectre and all you were probably on some classified mission"

Ezinnia waved them over as Jaynor removed the lid from one of the containers. It was filled with loose leaf tea, flowers and little dried fruits "This is a new blooming tea we got a few weeks ago" the asari explained as the salarian beat the air gently with the lid to allow the fruity scent to hit everyone's nostrils "The fruit's raspberry and the flowers are so beautiful when they bloom. We also have a new mint tea, cacao mint I believe. It has just a hint of a chocolate flavor"

"And if these don't satisfy you we still have your usual in stock" Jaynor added as he pulled down a third container "Ah, but I'm forgetting your friend. Ezinnia, you can help out Jean while I help Mr. Krios. You can trust me sir when I say I can pick out the perfect tea for your needs"

The women wandered to the back of the store to let the men discuss teas. They stayed in the shop talking and tasting teas for an hour or two with only a scant amount of customers wandering into the store. The conversation was pleasant but Jeanette had a list of things she still wanted to do and bid her old friends farewell after purchasing her tea, Thane not far behind. The two left with their purchases and walked through the markets, occasionally looking through a store here and there. Jeanette found it relaxing to say the least, the assassin giving off his usual calm aura. She loved when she could relax around someone, being on a military ship you were stuck with a chain of command where you took orders or you gave them but Jeanette had a hard time trusting people if she wasn't allowed to be herself around them. The Alliance usually overlooked her when she got a little more friendly with the crew than they would like but she suspected it was because she hadn't let her emotional attachments interfere with a mission yet. If she ever let that happen she doubted the Alliance would look to fondly at her anymore, not that they were looking at her in a positive light now with Cerberus looming overhead.

Jeanette steered her mind away from the thought of Cerberus and the Alliance, she was on vacation and spending her time with a friend. Thinking about work and the end of the galaxy could wait just a little while. She wanted to enjoy herself and hoped Thane was having a good time. If the smile was any indication he was quite happy at the moment. She couldn't really recall the last time she had spent so much time just talking to someone and it was refreshing. She remembered chatting with Ash and Wrex on the SR-1 but that was mostly about missions and exciting adventures not about life on the farm or on Kajhe, and her chats with Garrus usually involved the newest sniper rifle on the market or headshot counts. This was different and Jeanette wished she had more days like this. She wondered if retirement would be as peaceful.

They continued wandering through the Citadel but Jeanette stopped when the assassin suddenly went quiet. She turned to see Thane staring off a little past her head, his forehead scrunch in thought. She followed his gaze and saw a turian making his way toward them. It wasn't long before she recognized the turian as Sidonis and the first thought that came to her find was pretending she hadn't seen him and leave. Sidonis however seemed dead set on talking to her because as she drifted off to the side of the busy street the turian mirrored her movements. She sighed and mentally prepared herself for anything the turian decided to do, she stood her ground and waited for the man to near. Sidonis stopped just a few feet away, keeping enough distance that they weren't within arm's reach of each other. His mandibles were held tightly to his jaw and his eyes darted back and forth before finally resting on the Commander. It was clear to Jeanette he was nervous.

"I..." Sidonis paused, unsure of how he should proceed but took a deep breath to steel his resolve "I thought you looked familiar when I first saw you but I was too scared to think more of it. You're Commander Shepard"

Jeanette nodded before crossing her arms across her chest. Thane took a position to her side and Jeanette saw him stiffen just a little. He was there to provide her any assistance even though his posture seemed nonthreatening. He kept quiet as the Commander spoke "What do you want, Sidonis? You were given a second chance and I hope you're not wasting it"

"I'm not! If you check the news you would know I had turned myself over to C-Sec... They can't actually arrest me because the crime was done on Omega but they've put a watch on me" the turian cranked his head behind him. Jeanette tore her eyes off him to see two C-Sec officers a few meters back with eyes trained on Sidonis' back "I'll be under watch for at least six months and if I don't commit any crimes I'm free to leave the Citadel. I decided that while I'm here I would write letters to... my team's families, letting them know it was my fault and that I..."

"Admitting to your mistakes takes a lot of courage, Sidonis. It won't fix anything but it's the right thing to do"

The turian's mandibles flickered into what Jeanette believed to be a sad smile "Garrus always mentioned how you always did the right thing"

"Garrus?"

"He talked a lot about you to the team, even showed us some holos of you. Told us the craziest stories like you flying off cliffs in a Mako"

A chuckle escaped the Commander's lips as she recalled driving the Mako on several occasions "Always did like giving my crew a little scare but regardless of what anyone says I do know how to drive that thing. When you're going off a cliff you just have to use the lift thrusters at the right moment for an easy landing and to keep up right. The lift thrusters are also useful when you find the Mako upside down, just hit the thrusters, skid across the ground a few yards until you hit a large enough rock and flip back over"

The turian shook his head as he imagined the large tank on its side skidding across the ground, dirt and rock flying into the air and trailing behind the vehicle. He could only imagine what it was like inside the vehicle, strapped upside down as it kept moving. He could already feel the blood rushing to his head by just thinking about it "Garrus said you were crazy"

"And I meant it" the two turned surprised eyes to the turian headed toward them, Thane however, was doing his best from hiding a smile when he saw the Commander's face light up "Every story I told you was true like that time I_ saved_ the Hero of the Citadel from a squad of _asari commandos_ who had somehow found their way onto the Normandy" Garrus turned his gaze to Jeanette, an apologetic look on his face and his voice quieter "Hey"

"Hey"

"I should probably go" Jeanette turned back to Sidonis who was fidgeting a little "Stay safe out there, Commander and… keep Garrus here out of trouble, Spirits knows he loves jumping into the fire" Jeanette was sure he was trying to lighten the mood with banter as though nothing was wrong but the look on Sidonis' face told her he was thinking twice about it.

"As I recall" Garrus drawled, not fazed by the other turian "you were the one who decided to go for a joy ride with a Blue Suns merc's car and rammed it into a giant neon sign"

"Yeah" Sidonis scratched the back of his neck "but I was drunk and_ that_ was your fault. You get into trouble without the help of intoxicating drinks. I really should get going though, it was… good to see you, Garrus"

"You… too" Garrus nodded his head before his old squad mate left.

"Now wait a moment" Jeanette tapped her finger on her chin, a look of contemplation etched on her face "When you say 'asari commandos' do you mean a fumbling asari scientist by the name of Liara and by 'saved' you mean hide as she tried to express her feelings for me?"

"You just like to down play my heroic deeds so you don't look bad"

"I'm pretty sure hiding from an innocent woman who wouldn't purposefully hurt a fly looks worse than not being able to take on commandos"

"Guess you're right about that one"

"Thought we weren't on speaking terms"

"Yeah, well a certain _someone_" Garrus drawled out the last word as he turned sharp eyes to the silent assassin "reminded me that I was being unreasonable and was quite persistent in his endeavor to make me see I was being childish"

"Really?"

"I apologize for intervening, Siha, but you seemed quite upset. I wanted to ease your mind"

"Thank you" Jeanette gave Thane a gentle smile as she looked into his dark eyes "That was sweet of yo-"

"There she is!" three pairs of eyes turned at the gruff voice behind them. Zaeed was pointing at the Commander, drawing his companion's attention. Jack spun on her heel and followed Zaeed's finger, her face lighting in mischievous glee as she spotted the human Spectre. The two jogged up to the three, pushing through the crowds.

"What can I… _eh?_" Zaeed and Jack each grabbed an arm and started dragging the Commander backwards "Whoa, where are we going?"

"Got a surprise for you, my treat" the tattooed woman replied "Don't worry about Jean, Thane. We'll bring your girlfriend back in one piece"

"Girlfri-what is going on? Someone help!" Jeanette almost pleaded toward the two men who were watching her be dragged away.

"We'll meet you at the Dark Star" Garrus shouted over the thrum of people "Have fun!"

Garrus chuckled as he heard the woman curse a few times as she disappeared into the crowd. He turned to the assassin who had decided to speak up "What was that about?"

"I have no clue. Just pray Jack and Zaeed's idea of a surprise doesn't include explosions and everything will be fine"

It was a few hours before the two saw their Commander again, deciding to spend what time they had left looking through some shops. When it was time they headed for the club that most likely all of the Normandy's inhabitants would be occupying. The place rang true to its name, the entire room dark with only a few dim blue lights so you could see in front of you. The music was upbeat and not nearly as deafening as the sweaty club of Afterlife on Omega. The Normandy's crew was scattered about the place, some at the bar, others on the dance floor but the squad had all seemed to huddle around one corner of the room. There was a large corner booth with a long table that had been dragged over to it with several seats to accommodate the large party.

Previous grudges seemed to have been pushed aside, at least for the moment, as everyone was laughing and threats weren't being spewed about. Even Jack and Miranda kept their distaste for one another away from the fun. The table was cluttered with filled glasses and even more empty ones, the smell of alcohol impossible to miss. As the two neared they saw Jeanette was standing up, one foot on the booth's table, the other on the seat. She flung her arms out, swinging them wide as she regaled the team of some tale but stopped midsentence as she spotted them. Her smile grew as wide as possible and her eyes crinkled in joy. The Commander's footing stumbled a little and she waved her arms a tad to keep balance. Once they were close enough to hear over the music Jeanette shouted "G-Dog, T-Bone! Wondering when the last of my homies would show!"

"_Spirits_" Garrus shook his head in exasperation, mandibles fluttering just a little as he tried to contain his laughter "How much did you give her to drink?"

"I tried to warn them" Tali shouted over the music "but everyone wanted to see the great Commander Shepard drunk. Just be glad she's being a happy drunk tonight"

"She's just getting started. She'll kill us in the morning, you know"

"Don't be a spoilsport, Garrus" came an older female voice.

"Dr. Chakwas? You're here?"

"I'm not too old to live a little and for the moment just call me Karin. No need for formalities here. Now who thinks we should get Jean another round?"

A round of cheers echoed off the walls and some of the crew left for the bar to replace the empty glasses. Garrus took a seat at the end while Thane slipped in next to Jeanette with Tali on her other side. He smelled the alcohol on her breath and surmised that from the smell and purple concoction before her that she had not had many drinks but duped into having a glass or two with very strong effects. Jeanette twisted in her seat to face the assassin fully with a smile that showed her white teeth. As she turned Thane's trained eyes spotted the black bandage wrapped around her right bicep.

"Are you injured?"

"What?" Jeanette followed the assassin's gaze "No, well yes but… Hey Jack! Can I take this thing off yet? It feels kinda slimy"

"Yeah, just don't touch it"

"_Sweet_" Jeanette peeled away the plastic bandage to reveal red irritated skin around a very colorful design on her arm. It was a tattoo. A wicked army knife tattoo with feathered wings behind it. The wings were white fluffy feathers that were tucked in rather than spread in fight and the silver knife looked as though a ray of light of hitting off the side of it while its handle was a camouflage green "Cool, huh?"


End file.
